caycay | I've Been Lonely

Cater sees more of Idia than some due to sharing the same class, though that isn't to say he usually gets much of a chance to talk to him. Even in class Idia shuts himself out and makes himself as scarce as possible, where as Cater spends every free moment chatting someone up or taking photos. So, when he spots Idia by himself in the wild, it's always an exciting moment.

At the sight of him, Cater speeds up, hoping to catch him off guard so he doesn't have the chance to run away. "Hey, hey, Idia!" All smiles and exuberance, he waves at the flame-haired loner as if they're already close friends. "You look like you could use some company. Lucky us, Trey's on babysitting duty today so my schedule is totally open!"

Just like he predicted, Idia is nowhere to be seen. Well, outside of a tablet, which Cater isn't about to just chat up. Kind of has a feeling if he tried he'd get muted, anyway. He's read (and reread) the doujinshi he borrowed enough that he's ready to return it, but how is he supposed to do that when Idia is nowhere to be found? It's so awkward bringing this thing to class with him and hiding it in his history book every day...what if Trein notices it? Yeesh!

But it's not like he can barge into Ignihyde again. Well, the chances of anyone catching him aren't terrible, but he'd still rather not go back there just for this reason. And it's not like he can ask Ortho to return it. Those young, robotic eyes must be protected! So, Cater finds himself stuck, only to be pleasantly surprised when Idia finally makes his return.

Cater's already-smiling face growing brighter, he approaches to greet him. "Morning, Idia! Hey, wait up after class, okay?"

And with that ominous note for poor Idia to dwell on, Cater goes and finds a seat, mercifully not claiming the one next to him and instead leaving plenty of space between the two of them.

Within a few weeks, dropping off Idia's manga and exchanging it for a new volume has become a somewhat common occurrence. After getting way more information about his classmate than he ever intended, Cater gives him his space otherwise. There are no more blatant greetings in the classroom, no more chases through the hallways, and no more prying into emotional territory. One could call it "strictly business" if it wasn't, well, comics.

Okay, so maybe his stays sometimes last a bit longer if he has a lot to say about whatever series it is that Idia's let him borrow. Cater tries not to overstay his welcome, but is certainly starting to think of it as part of his regular schedule. In fact, he's blown off more than a few of his other friends specifically to swing by Ignihyde and visit Idia. It's not like it's a big deal.

After a particularly fun weekend partying with the rest of Heartslaybul and finding himself looking a bit too fondly at Ace and Deuce in their antics, Cater finds himself thinking that it might be a good time to steer clear of their lunchtime hangouts at the cafeteria. That's how he ends up hoisting two full lunches through the mirror to Idia's room, strolling in like he doesn't stick out like a sore thumb. His arms full, though, he uses one foot to knock on the door. Hopefully Idia isn't wearing headphones...

"Hey, Idia, open up! I've brought you some sweet loot!" It would be an embarrassing thing to say if he didn't already talk halfway in chatspeak as it were. And anyway, he always seems a bit more at ease when Cater talks less like a "normie" as he'd say. Cater would call it getting on his level but then Idia would probably say something like lol srsly u'd get pwnd tryin 2 match my lvl n00b git gud or something. He's spitballing.

Edited 2022-11-09 08:18 (UTC)

After spending the rest of the day (and night) tossing and turning, unable to get the image of Idia's wet, miserable eyes out of his head, Cater decides that he's gonna take a page out of the hikikomori handbook and ditch class. Riddle will have his head if he finds out, but what better use of split card could there possibly be? If you're technically in class, are you even ditching at all?

It's with a fresh, unaffected face that Cater arrives back at the Ignihyde housewarden's door once more, surprisingly early. If the door's unlocked, he's barging in. "Rise and shine, flamer gamer! These pancakes aren't going to eat themselves!"

Sorry, did anything significant happen yesterday? Can't recall! Haha!

Cater stayed in his dorm the next day, claiming sickness. He could tell that Trey didn't believe he was really sick, but the Vice Housewarden was savvy enough that he let it slide. There's only so much you can do to stave off Riddle, though, and after a solid 24 hours of no appetite and restless sleep, mindless staring at his phone screen, he's hoisted out of bed and told to clean himself up.

He doesn't want to, and the reluctance to get out of bed is the worst it's ever been, but he does as he's told. Cater always does what he's told. It's easy to slip into that role, at least. You don't have to think too hard when you're following directions. The real problem comes with knowing what he's going to find in class: namely, a lack of Idia. Not that he's sure that Idia being there would be any more comforting.

It's hard to describe the way he feels when there's not even a drone or tablet around in his usual spot, but he knows that he doesn't want to be there. Doesn't want to face the day. It's exhausting to greet everyone with a smile and some cute turn of phrase, to take pictures like nothing's wrong.

So fake. He's so damn fake. How can nobody see it, that he's just a shell of a person? Why is everyone so selfish? Why is he so selfish?

The whole day goes by on autopilot. The next day is a repeat of the same. There's a nervous fidget in his dominant hand that he can't seem to suppress. When he tries to take notes for class, he just thinks about Idia.

Idia's eyes. Idia's smile. The shy laughter, the focus he gets when he does something he likes. The feeling of his hair through his fingers. The way he hides in his hoodie when he's embarrassed. The tears. Especially the tears.

And all of it, good and bad, he really lost all of it, didn't he?

We barely know each other, so why am I so hung up on it? He wonders if it's just guilt. Cater had had friends he knew for way longer that he was less sad to let go of. They were easy to ignore when they tried to reach out. There was always some kind of excuse he could make sound natural. Call: ignored. Message: left on read. Everyone gave up before too long. Whatever. He's been through it more times than he can count.

There's only so much of it he can stand. So that night, he caves. But even in trying to reach out, Cater isn't sure what to do or where to begin. He writes several messages that he erases before he hits send. By the time he finally settles on something after putting down the phone and tossing and turning several times, it's nearly 3AM.

r u awake?

Everything else was thinking too hard. At least this gives Idia the option to ignore him easily, if he wants.

Things have been better. Much, much better. A sense of overall normalcy managed to find itself forming between the boys, a friendship made solid following Cater's confession. He had to admit, for how afraid he'd been, it's such a welcome relief not to have to hide himself around someone. Of course, around others he's still the same clout-chasing party boy who only has use for people as far as his Magicam account can get boosted by them...

But it's different with Idia. He's still goofy, of course, still Cater, but he's honest now. There's an understanding between the two of them, and he feels so relaxed not having to try so hard or pretend to be something he isn't. When his mind grows dark, he can admit it, knowing that Idia will understand. And he can be open about understanding Idia, in return. That would be that, if it weren't for the heffalump in the room that was taunting him and him alone:

He hasn't been able to stop thinking about having sex with his best friend.

At first, Cater was sure it was a one-off. Emotions were high, he hasn't gotten laid in awhile and hasn't even been going to parties where he can make out with strangers in closets and pretend to feel something. The longer he found himself watching Idia and assigning sexual labels to his everyday actions, the more he stared at the way those hands could fly across a controller or how his lips moved, the more he went back to his dorm unable to sleep until he whipped out a certain picture...yeah, ignoring it wasn't in the cards anymore. Even with their newfound trust in each other, however, just bringing this up was like tossing a grenade in the middle of the room.

He hadn't forgotten the doujinshi debacle. Far, far from it. Yeah, this was going to require a delicate touch.

So it's there that Cater dips a toe into the water. Watching him game from a second, pulled up chair he's straddling backward, he waits for Idia to reach a lull between battles. He clears his throat. Here goes nothing.

"I wanna ask you something that you aren't going to want to answer."

Edited 2022-11-12 19:18 (UTC)

There really hadn't been much going on that Cater had to look forward to. Lately, he'd been having a lot more fun in his day-to-day, but it's only with his new agreement with Idia that he's started to feel excited for the future, even if that only means being excited for a few days ahead. Giddy and enthusiastic, he raises his hand more in class, browses his phone just a little bit less.

There's this sort of newfound, genuine energy that he has to actually enjoy himself. And then, of course, he has his fantasies. Even if he doesn't dream of Idia, he falls asleep texting him and thinking of him.

So on their next scheduled day in question, he's in his best mood by far. It's all he can do not to break out in a sprint to Ignihyde once his phone chimes. Go time. With Idia already expecting him, he flings the door open, grin splattered across his whole face. "Yo!"

The next few days passed by in a giddy sort of blur. Classes were slower than ever, but all the time spent outside of it felt like a flurry. All the time Cater couldn't spend directly with Idia was spent chatting with him over text. Happy, teasing, preparing. Originally, there had been so much that Cater had wanted to do to build Idia up to this day, but once they'd rearranged their plans so unexpectedly, he decided simply to save everything further than the level they'd left off at for the special event.

Friday night made the most sense. No classes in the morning, so with Trey helping cover for him in the morning, he'll be able to stay longer with Idia in the morning. By now, he's already been slowly stashing clothes and toiletries in the housewarden's suite, so all that's left is to bring his own sexy self. His hair's down and free-flowing and he's removed his diamond marking, so when he reaches the doorway he can feel as unlabeled as possible.

The second the door opens, he goes in for a kiss.

Despite their reluctance to leave one another's side after their first night of lovemaking, the two managed to get through the ordeal without any huge bumps. The next couple of weeks would pass by in a flurry of activity. If they couldn't be together they'd be texting often, and when they were together they couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was all they could manage to carefully orchestrate planned times sitting together in class, Idia feigning disdain at Cater's close proximity while Cater pressed their legs together underneath the shared desk, fingers stealing stolen touches just out of sight.

Nobody seemed to notice them, though comments did reach both of them: Idia seemed more present lately, a little less skittish. Cater was denying more and more invitations to gatherings but at the same time had a newfound warmth about his bubbly attitude that kept people from being all that put-out about it. Although his phone was still glued to his hand and he was still snapping pictures every chance he could get, his Magicam uploads had begun to waver in frequency.

The nights they were able to spend together were the best. Having a boyfriend who could disable the security system at will had its perks, and it was really only Riddle's constant vigilance that kept Cater from unofficially moving dorm rooms. Regardless of what activities they got up to, he always found that he slept the best when he was snuggled against Idia's chest, their arms keeping each other close. For him, the night isn't any different. Cater sleeps soundly, lulled into oblivion by the beating of his boyfriend's heart, unassuming to anything that might disturb them.

It certainly takes a couple of days to really come back from the experience of Idia's nightmare. Still, Cater feels all the closer to Idia now, and is happy to recoup with snuggles, frequent texting, and lots of catching up on food and sleep. The tamer atmosphere keeps them grounded, and without anything traumatic or exhausting cropping up to immediately knock them back down, things start to feel normal again.

Well, their new, recent sense of normal, that is.

When Idia's feeling well enough to come to class again, Cater finds himself incredibly distracted. He keeps stealing glances, finding little excuses to reach over and touch his knee or his thigh underneath the desk. Sometimes his glances are a bit more smoldering than he means for them to be. So, when lunch finally rolls around Cater can't reign himself in any longer.

With most of the student body flooding toward the cafeteria to fight over the favored menu items, Cater takes an opportunity to pull Idia into a more secluded hallway the second they're alone, pushing him against the stone wall. "I need you," he tells him plainly, hands at Idia's waistline. "I can't wait any longer."

It figured that eventually, reality would force its way in.

Things could only go so well for so long with the way they were going, enjoying the day-to-day and ignoring the ever looming expanse of future. Cater and Idia were coming upon a ledge, closing their eyes to the plummet that waited for them. Perhaps the two of them were ready to take it, hands clasped together as they succumbed to the blackness.

Maybe they were kidding themselves.

It's a spiral of thought that Cater hasn't been prone to since the two of them had stopped dating. The speedbumps they had were so small, Idia struggling with his self-image, his worries. Cater was always ready to give him what he needed, comfort him, make things better. These things were relatively easy, fleeting moments of blackness in an otherwise blissful life.

The day that his own darkness came creeping back up on him, he'd known there was going to be a big Heartslabyul party, so it was going to be a day off for him and Idia. Of course, there'd be plenty of messaging to tide one another over. No big deal. Cater being on his phone is such standard behavior that nobody really minds him being on it for the party anyway. Things are going fine enough...until the topic of senior year comes up. A comment about "missing Trey's baking" snowballs into a big discussion about summer and about the third year internships. Cater doesn't say anything, feeling cold the longer the topic goes on, smiling and laughing along.

And then someone asks him directly.

What about you, Cater? Where are you interning?

He doesn't have an answer. Somehow, he manages to come up with something believable for what Cay-Cay would do. Something fun and fleeting and full of bright lights and colors and fun. Theme park planning, he says. Such absolute bullshit. The rest of the party crawls by, Cater's texts to Idia having abruptly stopped because he can't trust himself to keep up his happy-go-lucky persona while he feels so sick inside. While he forces sweets in his mouth and pitches shallow compliments and his body is carved out.

But when it's all ever and cleaned up and everyone is heading to bed he can finally lock his door and send the SOS.

I can't be without you right now.

Cater had never really had a huge stake in his grades. As long as he did well enough to get by, and then enough to appease Riddle and stay out of trouble, it hardly mattered. After all, he hadn't had any kind of goal to work toward. There was nothing he was interested in studying, nothing that struck him with any kind of particular sense of passion.

All that had changed, of course, once Idia had expressed his resolution concerning STYX. At once, acing his final exams was so much more important of a concept. His grades were fine, but if he wanted to be accepted as an intern there? It was definitely necessary to boost his standing as much as possible. He was never going to be a genius like Idia, but now he had something to aspire to.

Even if, admittedly, his aspirations mainly centered around who he'd be with.

The days leading up to the last days of the year were full of studying. Some were more frisky than others, but always filled with earnest commitment. Going through the exams themselves, Cater felt more confident in his answers than he had the past two years at NRC, but he couldn't help feeling anxious for the results to be posted. So far, so good, but Crewel's were the last they were waiting for and it had been the subject he always struggled with.

Naturally, once the papers are posted in the hallway, the class is rushing to see where they stand...and when Cater, holding his breath, reaches the listing...his face lights up. "Yes!" He did it! Not a perfect score, but he was on the higher end, few mistakes. It was far better than he could have done without cracking down and having Idia's help.

And speaking of Idia, all he wants to do is run into his arms and squeeze him until he nearly (nearly!) breaks in half. The only thing that stops him, outside of the massive crowd of students, is Crewel stopping him to praise him for being a very good boy.

Naturally, his whole face goes red as he laughs awkwardly, thanking the fashionable professor.

Now, to drag his boyfriend away for a proper celebration.

The worst part of the rest of the year was just the waiting. Knowing that their time to be together, to really be together, was so close but there was no way to make it come any faster. Each day, in Cater's newfound excitement for the future, he finds it harder to stay away from Idia. Harder and harder to go through the winding downs and the celebrating and the ceremonies with the returning fourth years. At least it's easier to show enthusiasm, be "on" when he needs to be, no longer facing down what feels like the barrel of a magical pistol.

And finally, finally, summer break has begun and all the preparations have been made. All that's left to do is make it to their destination. Only, Cater isn't waiting until they reach their destination to do something he's been wanting desperately to do for some time now: as soon as they're suitably alone, even if it's only for a moment, he goes in to give Idia Shroud a kiss in public.

GAME: START

REMATCH

LEVEL UP

BEST 2 OUTTA 3?