Such deflection over preferred food. Cater clicks his tongue but decides to drop it. He'll just make good on his promise and keep showing up unannounced with lunch. It's as good an excuse as any to avoid Trey and the froshes for a little while.
"Oh, thanks!" Without pause, Cater accepts the sweet. He definitely doesn't want it, but it's still surprising anytime Idia offers him anything that he isn't about to let something as trivial as his own preferences get in the way of his precious social ranking. Once it's in his mouth, he makes a show over how sour it is, scrunching up his face. "Aaah, I feel like my whole tongue just woke up!"
He'll swallow it quickly. It's fine. Time for a subject change to get Idia talking!
Idia nods vigorously, pleased, and gestures to his status window. 15-0-0, of course he's stomping all over his competition. "Buncha n00bs. Competition's better on weekends, the casuals go out to party and us dedicated nerds stay home to battle it out." His mouth stretches into a feral, toothy grin better suited to a hungry shark. "Won't change my record, though. Nobody beats me at RTS, I think a thousand moves ahead!"
Cater can see Idia almost vibrating with glee, his eyes bright and slightly manic. It might partially be from energy drinks, though.
"Ha! Yeah, that sounds about right." Don't mind him quickly googling RTS. Cool, okay. Another new gaming term locked and loaded. Watching Idia smile makes his own smile widen, too. His own snaggletooth peeks out, a little quirk of his smile that can't even remotely compare to Idia's. It's easy enough for Cater to look past what's intimidating about it when he's really learning to appreciate Idia showing some well-deserved confidence. "You ever think about joining an e-sports team?"
Slowly, Idia's smile fades a little, teeth vanishing behind his lips and the corners of his mouth leveling out. The mania in his eyes quiets to something sad and regretful.
"Not in the cards for me. I was pre-programmed even before my code went live."
Fate and the Shroud curse and all that. There's no point in fighting it. Hopefully he'll have time to game even after he takes over for good, no more "acting" director of STYX.
Cater falters as he finally sticks a straw into his iced coffee. He can imagine what one is supposed to say here, what some of the other students he knows would say. You can do it if you just set your mind to it, or Nobody can set your future but you! Sounds nice, but idealistic tripe like that doesn't have any real bearing on reality. Why get someone's hopes up when it'll just make their disappointment worse?
No, Idia has the right idea. Better to resign yourself and find your fun where you can. If you keep your expectations low, don't put yourself in a position to be built up, you minimize your hurt.
Cater sips his coffee. "Family stuff, huh? I get that."
"Mm." Idia nods, downing the rest of his lemonade. He doesn't want to think about what he did and almost did in the halls of STYX. Once he graduates, his life will be nothing but the duty of the Shrouds, a gloomy but necessary job.
He switches to a different game, a first-person dungeon crawler better suited for his mood. The shrieks of monsters quickly kill the desire to play, though, and he closes it out. The room goes quiet except for the hum of machines and their breathing.
Cater watches in silence as Idia's attention goes back to his game, games, and then nothing at all. Maybe this is better than pretending that things will get better, but that doesn't make it any less of a bummer.
"There I go, killing the mood again," he finally says with a laugh, trying to find some kind of levity, not wanting to just excuse himself. Not wanting the conversation to get any darker. "Hey, got anything two player?"
"Not your fault," Idia mumbles. He reaches up to poke one of his temples with an orange fingertip. "Malware. Can't get rid of it, baked into the firmware. Can't rip out the parts and start over, either." His hand drops to his lap where the other rests, the fingers of both hands fidgeting.
Two player games, huh? He has a few for the times Ortho wants to join in. A moment's thought and he passes a controller to Cater, plugging it into a port in his computer. A brightly colored bubble popping puzzle game comes up on screen with a few taps on Idia's own controller. "Ever play Bubble Wobble?"
Scooting closer and accepting the controller, Cater purses his lips, stealing glances at Idia as he looks at the screen. "Mm, it looks similar to some mobile games I've seen but in case it's different: is this the kind of game where you connect different colored bubbles and they'll pop anything the same in a chain?"
There are a few different types like this that tend to be pretty popular. They're the kind that seem to have unlimited levels, so you can get sucked in easily when you're killing time. Usually they're chock full of ads, of course. This is an easy thing to talk about on autopilot as he thinks about Malware. Any sort of electronic device can get it, really. The human brain isn't any different. He isn't any different.
But it doesn't really matter, and he's not sure why he's stuck on it.
"Yeah, same thing. Opponent's popped bubbles get pushed down from the top of your screen, hit the bottom and you lose."
He starts the game. Something becomes very apparent in the first fifteen seconds of play: though he could quickly and easily decimate Cater, Idia instead is observing his opponent's skill level and playing to match him. It's not holding back out of pity but rather a genuine desire to have fun with someone else. The Ignihyde housewarden isn't smiling but his expression is calm and focused, without the tension of dark thoughts tugging at the corners of his eyes and mouth.
Cater's no gamer, but once he experiments with the controls during the beginning of the game and gets into a muscle rhythm, it becomes obvious that he's definitely played this type of game before. He's not half bad! As his attention gets more and more pulled in by the game, its difficulty increasing, Cater gets more at ease.
He's sure that there's no way he's winning, but it wouldn't be fun if they didn't have a bit of friendly ribbing, right? Laughing, Cater nudges his leg with one of his feet. "Not nearly as big of a n00b now, am I?"
Idia chuckles lowly, more of a staccato hum than anything. Still, the traces of a grin pull at the corners of his mouth, so Cater can call it a win. Good thing, since it's the only win he's getting on Idia's turf. Those spidery pale fingers flutter on the buttons and the bubbles pop with startling speed, tossing the cast-offs into Cater's screen. Idia's... not holding back anymore. In the space of a few heartbeats, Cater's half grays out and locks.
"Nope. Half-step up to the next pond, from big n00b to small newbie. Good try."
"Aaaah, geeze! No mercy! So cruel!" Even anticipating his defeat, it still throws him for a loop how fast Idia turns up the heat, insane to actually watch those fingers flying. So, maybe he ended up watching how it was done more than trying to (helplessly) defend himself. Even in his shock, though, he's beaming. Small newbie is probably the nicest thing Idia's ever called him (outside of his regular name).
"Hey, I'll take it from the flamer gamer." And then, unable to help it, blurts out, "I can just imagine all sorts of things you could do with hands like that."
The nickname earns Cater an unexpected reward: a startled but genuine cackle of laughter from Idia. "These hands are the ultimate nerd tools. Gaming, building, drafting, if I want to do something, I'm gonna do it."
Wow, this is actually nice. They're playing a game and laughing and teasing each other. Is this what friends do? He does things like this with Ortho but it's different, it's even different from the occasional gaming meet-ups he's had after the STYX incident. He can't explain how it's different, it just is.
Those things are most certainly not what Cater had in mind...but he's not going to clarify out loud! This is probably one of the first times...no, maybe the first time that this hasn't felt weird or tense. Sure, they'd kind of struck up a sort of balance with one another but this was the real deal. He wasn't sure he'd ever really feel like Idia would...seem genuinely happy to have him around.
Guess even the craziest of miracles can happen at Night Raven College. And Cater can officially put able to charm anyone on his list of accomplishments. "Okay, so I know you build, like, everything, but do you ever make your own games?"
Those golden eyes roll. "Duh. You really have to ask?"
A few taps on the keyboard and the dungeon crawler from earlier comes up. "Been working on this one for a few weeks, but I started coding when I was a little nerdling sprout. I could hax0r any system before... before I...."
His fingers twitch on the keys and his eyes go glassy for a moment, staring off into nothing. Then as quickly as it started, the moment passes, Idia shivering and relaxing with a sigh. "... sorry, malware again. Comes and goes, gotta be careful about executable triggers."
Cater stands up on his knees to get a better look at the screen, excited to hear more about the project…when Idia clams up again. What exactly happened that to him? What triggered his Overblot? He shakes his head. “Really, you don’t have to apologize. Like you said, it’s not like you can just do a system wipe or anything.”
It feels like he should say more, even though it also doesn’t feel like his place. “Just take it one day at a time. Everyone has their own pace to deal with these things.” And, is this where he should say that it’s okay to let others help him learn to shoulder the burden? That’s way too personal. “I’m happy as long as you aren’t pushing yourself too hard.”
"I tried." The words are soft, tired. "That's what the Overblot was supposed to do. Wipe it all, restore to factory default." Emptiness, nothingness.
What Cater's saying echoes the things the others told him after they saved him from himself. No one spewed hate or anger at him for what he put them through. Everyone in that room knows that Idia punishes himself worse than anyone ever could.
That last sentence catches his attention, though. He turns his face slightly toward Cater, blinking. "You're... happy? Because of me? But why?"
Suddenly, the two of them are staring at each other, faces not all that far apart, and Idia's question leaves Carter just as stumped. It's such a simple question, so honest and so...loaded. When he said he was happy, he hadn't really been thinking about the words he was using. It's not like they weren't truthful though, either.
"Well, like, we're friends now, right?" And having friends is fine, as long as there isn't much expected of him. Sure, he's already been putting in way more effort with Idia than he ever has with anyone else, but that's just because Idia's a whole different level! "I wouldn't keep coming out of my way to hang out here with you if I didn't have fun doing it. I'd be a pretty bad friend if I didn't have the most fun when you're having fun along with me."
Idia stares at him for a while. It's probably a bit uncanny with how still and silent the housewarden is, but even more so with those sharp yellow eyes boring into Cater's very soul. Finally he relaxes, shifting his gaze to his hands and the controller held in his lap.
"I'd never had friends before. I didn't want any. It hurts...." His breath catches, crackling the tail end of the word. He sounds more raw when he tries again. "It hurts when you lose someone."
There’s this moment where Cater feels as if he’s been pried open, his secrets fully exposed. It’s a relief that Idia looked away when he did, or he’d see the blank look on Cater’s face that he can’t stop from overtaking his easygoing features.
“Yeah,” he agrees without thinking. “It does.”
Ah, no, he wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. Quickly, he turns away to reach for his iced coffee. It gives him just enough time to put himself back together.
“That’s why I always live in the moment! We only have so much time here at school together, and if we didn’t have shared classes we’d never have met. So it’s important to #carpediem!”
Idia tried that once, when he was a child. A single attempt to live as he wanted, to escape his family's curse. Time was stolen, not from him but his little brother. Short-sighted, unlucky, foolish: Idia was all of these, even when he tried to recreate what had been lost. Maybe it had worked out in the end, thanks to the efforts of others, but Idia had still caused everyone so much trouble simply by being selfish.
"Even if it means PvP to get what you want? Is that really okay, going after a limited quest or item when somebody else might deserve it more?"
Cater shakes his ice around in his cup, needing some kind of noise to cut through the static filling up his brain at the particularly poignant question that Idia throws into the air. How was he supposed to answer? Like what, he has a high WIS stat? And why is he mentally putting it in those terms?
"I don't think that's something anyone can answer for you," he finally decides, still looking off to the side lest his hastily re-applied mask fall off again. "What is or isn't okay, I mean. It's all about what you're willing to live with."
And can you live with yourself? Can you live with the consequences. Cater feels a shudder coming on. Can I live with myself?
"Life would be totes easy mode if we had all the answers!" He laughs. Tries to laugh. It's a little stilted. "That's why I don't bother thinking about the future. If I want something today, what happens tomorrow is something for future Cater to handle!"
But I'm selfish. Just lie. People don't want the truth from you, they want you to say what they want to hear. In the end, everyone's only thinking about themselves anyway.
Idia fiddles with his controller again. He tries not to think about his past or what's happened because of it, but everything keeps coming back to haunt him. Things are better now, Ortho is better now, but it was bad for so long and it could've gone much worse. Having friends helps, but he's still shoved down so much of his trauma.
"But it's not just future you." The gentle tapping of a fingertip on plastic. "Every button input affects the world. You open a chest in a village and you've got new loot, but what happens to the NPC it belonged to first? What did you do to their future?"
Ortho's future is back on track now. Idia was willing to give up everything to make that happen.
Everything that Idia says goes back to the past. To other people. Cater tried to ignore it, tried to keep things light, but it's not working and he can't very well just abandon Idia to these thoughts even if he feels incredibly ill-equipped to handle them himself.
So, screw it. He'll just ask. It feels like Idia needs to tell someone. And ultimately, what's one more thing to file away in his own memory banks?
"Idia, did you hurt someone?" That has to be it, right? Something is haunting him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"Oh, thanks!" Without pause, Cater accepts the sweet. He definitely doesn't want it, but it's still surprising anytime Idia offers him anything that he isn't about to let something as trivial as his own preferences get in the way of his precious social ranking. Once it's in his mouth, he makes a show over how sour it is, scrunching up his face. "Aaah, I feel like my whole tongue just woke up!"
He'll swallow it quickly. It's fine. Time for a subject change to get Idia talking!
"How's your game going today?"
no subject
Cater can see Idia almost vibrating with glee, his eyes bright and slightly manic. It might partially be from energy drinks, though.
no subject
no subject
"Not in the cards for me. I was pre-programmed even before my code went live."
Fate and the Shroud curse and all that. There's no point in fighting it. Hopefully he'll have time to game even after he takes over for good, no more "acting" director of STYX.
no subject
Cater falters as he finally sticks a straw into his iced coffee. He can imagine what one is supposed to say here, what some of the other students he knows would say. You can do it if you just set your mind to it, or Nobody can set your future but you! Sounds nice, but idealistic tripe like that doesn't have any real bearing on reality. Why get someone's hopes up when it'll just make their disappointment worse?
No, Idia has the right idea. Better to resign yourself and find your fun where you can. If you keep your expectations low, don't put yourself in a position to be built up, you minimize your hurt.
Cater sips his coffee. "Family stuff, huh? I get that."
no subject
He switches to a different game, a first-person dungeon crawler better suited for his mood. The shrieks of monsters quickly kill the desire to play, though, and he closes it out. The room goes quiet except for the hum of machines and their breathing.
no subject
"There I go, killing the mood again," he finally says with a laugh, trying to find some kind of levity, not wanting to just excuse himself. Not wanting the conversation to get any darker. "Hey, got anything two player?"
no subject
Two player games, huh? He has a few for the times Ortho wants to join in. A moment's thought and he passes a controller to Cater, plugging it into a port in his computer. A brightly colored bubble popping puzzle game comes up on screen with a few taps on Idia's own controller. "Ever play Bubble Wobble?"
no subject
There are a few different types like this that tend to be pretty popular. They're the kind that seem to have unlimited levels, so you can get sucked in easily when you're killing time. Usually they're chock full of ads, of course. This is an easy thing to talk about on autopilot as he thinks about Malware. Any sort of electronic device can get it, really. The human brain isn't any different. He isn't any different.
But it doesn't really matter, and he's not sure why he's stuck on it.
no subject
He starts the game. Something becomes very apparent in the first fifteen seconds of play: though he could quickly and easily decimate Cater, Idia instead is observing his opponent's skill level and playing to match him. It's not holding back out of pity but rather a genuine desire to have fun with someone else. The Ignihyde housewarden isn't smiling but his expression is calm and focused, without the tension of dark thoughts tugging at the corners of his eyes and mouth.
no subject
He's sure that there's no way he's winning, but it wouldn't be fun if they didn't have a bit of friendly ribbing, right? Laughing, Cater nudges his leg with one of his feet. "Not nearly as big of a n00b now, am I?"
no subject
"Nope. Half-step up to the next pond, from big n00b to small newbie. Good try."
no subject
"Hey, I'll take it from the flamer gamer." And then, unable to help it, blurts out, "I can just imagine all sorts of things you could do with hands like that."
no subject
Wow, this is actually nice. They're playing a game and laughing and teasing each other. Is this what friends do? He does things like this with Ortho but it's different, it's even different from the occasional gaming meet-ups he's had after the STYX incident. He can't explain how it's different, it just is.
no subject
Guess even the craziest of miracles can happen at Night Raven College. And Cater can officially put able to charm anyone on his list of accomplishments. "Okay, so I know you build, like, everything, but do you ever make your own games?"
no subject
A few taps on the keyboard and the dungeon crawler from earlier comes up. "Been working on this one for a few weeks, but I started coding when I was a little nerdling sprout. I could hax0r any system before... before I...."
His fingers twitch on the keys and his eyes go glassy for a moment, staring off into nothing. Then as quickly as it started, the moment passes, Idia shivering and relaxing with a sigh. "... sorry, malware again. Comes and goes, gotta be careful about executable triggers."
no subject
It feels like he should say more, even though it also doesn’t feel like his place. “Just take it one day at a time. Everyone has their own pace to deal with these things.” And, is this where he should say that it’s okay to let others help him learn to shoulder the burden? That’s way too personal. “I’m happy as long as you aren’t pushing yourself too hard.”
no subject
What Cater's saying echoes the things the others told him after they saved him from himself. No one spewed hate or anger at him for what he put them through. Everyone in that room knows that Idia punishes himself worse than anyone ever could.
That last sentence catches his attention, though. He turns his face slightly toward Cater, blinking. "You're... happy? Because of me? But why?"
no subject
"Well, like, we're friends now, right?" And having friends is fine, as long as there isn't much expected of him. Sure, he's already been putting in way more effort with Idia than he ever has with anyone else, but that's just because Idia's a whole different level! "I wouldn't keep coming out of my way to hang out here with you if I didn't have fun doing it. I'd be a pretty bad friend if I didn't have the most fun when you're having fun along with me."
no subject
"I'd never had friends before. I didn't want any. It hurts...." His breath catches, crackling the tail end of the word. He sounds more raw when he tries again. "It hurts when you lose someone."
no subject
“Yeah,” he agrees without thinking. “It does.”
Ah, no, he wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. Quickly, he turns away to reach for his iced coffee. It gives him just enough time to put himself back together.
“That’s why I always live in the moment! We only have so much time here at school together, and if we didn’t have shared classes we’d never have met. So it’s important to #carpediem!”
There. A truth wrapped up in pretty words.
no subject
Live in the moment. Only so much time.
Idia tried that once, when he was a child. A single attempt to live as he wanted, to escape his family's curse. Time was stolen, not from him but his little brother. Short-sighted, unlucky, foolish: Idia was all of these, even when he tried to recreate what had been lost. Maybe it had worked out in the end, thanks to the efforts of others, but Idia had still caused everyone so much trouble simply by being selfish.
"Even if it means PvP to get what you want? Is that really okay, going after a limited quest or item when somebody else might deserve it more?"
no subject
"I don't think that's something anyone can answer for you," he finally decides, still looking off to the side lest his hastily re-applied mask fall off again. "What is or isn't okay, I mean. It's all about what you're willing to live with."
And can you live with yourself? Can you live with the consequences. Cater feels a shudder coming on. Can I live with myself?
"Life would be totes easy mode if we had all the answers!" He laughs. Tries to laugh. It's a little stilted. "That's why I don't bother thinking about the future. If I want something today, what happens tomorrow is something for future Cater to handle!"
But I'm selfish. Just lie. People don't want the truth from you, they want you to say what they want to hear. In the end, everyone's only thinking about themselves anyway.
no subject
"But it's not just future you." The gentle tapping of a fingertip on plastic. "Every button input affects the world. You open a chest in a village and you've got new loot, but what happens to the NPC it belonged to first? What did you do to their future?"
Ortho's future is back on track now. Idia was willing to give up everything to make that happen.
no subject
So, screw it. He'll just ask. It feels like Idia needs to tell someone. And ultimately, what's one more thing to file away in his own memory banks?
"Idia, did you hurt someone?" That has to be it, right? Something is haunting him.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)