There's something just so indescribably wonderful about being called his that Cater's soft smile breaks out into a wide, enamored grin. With a slight, airy laugh he feels his eyes water with emotion. Already so close, he presses their noses together and then their lips. "My Idia," he says in return, voice hardly more than a whisper. He puts his hands over Idia's, threading his fingers between those longer, paler ones.
He's so happy it's almost painful, and he can't stop himself from crying even as his smile stretches wider. It feels like every day he's learning what happiness really feels like, and it's so much brighter and bigger than he ever imagined it could be. There's nothing shallow or hollow or fake about it. After so many years of self-isolation, hiding his heart, pretending to be someone he wasn't, it's almost unbearable to be so whole, like his chest could burst from the intensity of it. Like the sudden vanishing of it all would leave that widened space in him a cavern so vast he'd drown in the emptiness. But still he's glad for it, wants to experience it every day, forever.
There's no way Idia can stop himself from crying now that Cater is openly doing the same. Tears roll down his face as he laughs softly, pure happiness spilling from his overflowing heart. He's never felt like this, like he's swimming in light and warmth, not even before the tragedy of his childhood. This is what it means to truly love someone. He'll never shrug it off as a simple chemical effect again.
"I love you so much... thank you for everything you've given me." He's become kinder, softer in Cater's love. He's been transformed.
How will they hide this from the rest of the school? Idia thinks he might never stop smiling, and wouldn't that be bizarre for everyone else?
"I feel like I should be thanking you," he replies, voice hitching as he snuggles in against Idia. "Every day I was so unhappy, and acting like I wasn't was so exhausting. Every night I'd fall in bed and wish more and more that I just wouldn't wake up."
But he always did, and now he's so grateful.
"Even before we had this, the times I could see your face in person made me encouraged to keep trying. Without realizing it, you were still helping me. I would think...if Idia can still do his best, so can I." And here they were. "It feels like all of that was a lifetime ago."
He helped Cater keep going? Gloomy, introverted Idia was the one motivating Cater to get out of bed in the morning? Never could he imagine being someone else’s strength, but here they are. Idia gives a shaky sigh, shifting to wrap his arms around his boyfriend for a hug.
“I’m so glad I came back from my Overblot. If I hadn’t, even if they’d stopped me….” It scares him to think what might’ve happened to Cater if he’d died down at the Underworld Gate, if the others returned without him. Without the Lethe River, the memory of Idia would remain after he was gone, and then…. Beneath Cater, Idia trembles at the thought.
Sensing the direction that the emotional confession is leading them down, Cater takes Idia by the face, stroking those wet cheeks with his thumbs. "Shh," he coos. "It doesn't matter what could have happened--because it didn't happen."
He doesn't want to think about it either: not having Idia, how differently and miserably he'd be going through the motions without him, but more than that a world without Idia. A world like that is too terrible for him to comprehend. "You came back from it and we found each other, so there's no chance we're getting lost again."
"You're right," Idia whispers. "You're right, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to let the malware start up again when we're supposed to be happy."
He knows he's a work in progress, but it sucks to deal with his own brain at moments like these. Right now he wants to cuddle, but once again they're a complete mess and Cater's position is going to be hell on his back soon. From how tired he feels, they're probably done for a while, if not for the night. He sort of wishes he had a big soaking tub now so they could cuddle and get clean at the same time, though falling asleep in that would cause a bunch of other issues.
"Thank you for loving me even though I'm a complete dumpster fire." The words might be self-deprecating humor, but Idia says them with complete seriousness. How many stars had to align for the two of them to end up together?
"No, no, it's okay." Cater chuckles softly, leaning in to kiss him sweetly before taking him by the arm and shifting so they can lay beside each other instead. "I can't help thinking about it, too--you aren't soiling anything."
Taking one of Idia's hands, he brings it up to his lips, kissing each fingertip. "I just want you to know that everything's okay now. And I guess...I want myself to know that, too."
The kisses bring a soft smile to Idia's face, easing away much of his anxiety for the moment. "We both have to get used to being happy. It'll take time and we'll fail the mission sometimes, but we're trying."
His free hand runs through Cater's bangs, letting the soft copper waves drift between his fingers. Touching his boyfriend helps to cement in his mind that this is all real, that he didn't just have the wildest H-scenario dream of his life.
Seeing Idia relax, Cater smiles more widely again. "Mm, that's right. And as long as we're trying, we're winning." He gives a quick V as Idia plays with his hair, his eyes closing peacefully at the sensation. Taking a deep breath, he lets it out slowly, content. It's so easy to forget all of his troubles when they're together like this, when his whole body feels like it's singing. "Every day, together with you, I'm going to keep trying."
Idia hums, letting Cater's contentment wash over him as well. With his hair mostly back to blue, the light cast over them is like an early evening glow, soothing and quiet. His playlist continues in the background, Idia's lips silently shaping the words of the current song's lyrics, one about a love that defies fate but remains humble. As he relaxes and forgets himself he starts to sing along in that low, throaty voice of his. He'd sound a bit strange singing bubbly pop, but a love ballad? He... actually has a lovely voice for slow songs.
It's the first time he's hearing Idia sing and Cater can't stop smiling. He stays quiet as he listens, that low rumble a wonderful lullaby that he doesn't want to miss a single note of. After such exertion, though, he can't stop himself from drifting off, so incredibly at peace. Eyes closing of their own volition, Cater's consciousness ebbs to the sound of his boyfriend, his lover's serenade, and he's still smiling even as the heaviness of his body gives him away.
Idia manages not to fall asleep right away, though he's so tired from everything this night has been. The end of the song eventually trails off and with it Idia's singing, so he buries his face in Cater's hair and holds his boyfriend close. "I love you," he murmurs, letting sleep finally take him. He'll rest well the entire night, without the torment of nightmares. Dealing with the ache of parting in the morning will come later, but for now they're together.
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He's so happy it's almost painful, and he can't stop himself from crying even as his smile stretches wider. It feels like every day he's learning what happiness really feels like, and it's so much brighter and bigger than he ever imagined it could be. There's nothing shallow or hollow or fake about it. After so many years of self-isolation, hiding his heart, pretending to be someone he wasn't, it's almost unbearable to be so whole, like his chest could burst from the intensity of it. Like the sudden vanishing of it all would leave that widened space in him a cavern so vast he'd drown in the emptiness. But still he's glad for it, wants to experience it every day, forever.
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"I love you so much... thank you for everything you've given me." He's become kinder, softer in Cater's love. He's been transformed.
How will they hide this from the rest of the school? Idia thinks he might never stop smiling, and wouldn't that be bizarre for everyone else?
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But he always did, and now he's so grateful.
"Even before we had this, the times I could see your face in person made me encouraged to keep trying. Without realizing it, you were still helping me. I would think...if Idia can still do his best, so can I." And here they were. "It feels like all of that was a lifetime ago."
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“I’m so glad I came back from my Overblot. If I hadn’t, even if they’d stopped me….” It scares him to think what might’ve happened to Cater if he’d died down at the Underworld Gate, if the others returned without him. Without the Lethe River, the memory of Idia would remain after he was gone, and then…. Beneath Cater, Idia trembles at the thought.
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He doesn't want to think about it either: not having Idia, how differently and miserably he'd be going through the motions without him, but more than that a world without Idia. A world like that is too terrible for him to comprehend. "You came back from it and we found each other, so there's no chance we're getting lost again."
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He knows he's a work in progress, but it sucks to deal with his own brain at moments like these. Right now he wants to cuddle, but once again they're a complete mess and Cater's position is going to be hell on his back soon. From how tired he feels, they're probably done for a while, if not for the night. He sort of wishes he had a big soaking tub now so they could cuddle and get clean at the same time, though falling asleep in that would cause a bunch of other issues.
"Thank you for loving me even though I'm a complete dumpster fire." The words might be self-deprecating humor, but Idia says them with complete seriousness. How many stars had to align for the two of them to end up together?
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Taking one of Idia's hands, he brings it up to his lips, kissing each fingertip. "I just want you to know that everything's okay now. And I guess...I want myself to know that, too."
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His free hand runs through Cater's bangs, letting the soft copper waves drift between his fingers. Touching his boyfriend helps to cement in his mind that this is all real, that he didn't just have the wildest H-scenario dream of his life.
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