caycay | I've Been Lonely

There’s something about the look Idia gives him at that question: something both serious and teasing, knowing and yet curious. He strokes Cater’s hair and hums in thought. “Well… I have my ways. One way or another, I won’t ever leave you unsatisfied.”

He’s grateful that he enjoys sex with Cater so much, of course. But where his boyfriend still has the advantage of greater experience, Idia has an advantage all his own, namely his genius. Cater has no idea what’s in store for him at the cabin, much less when they get to STYX. His quiet smile grows into a toothy grin at the thought, one of those signature odd giggles softly slipping out.

Cater tilts his head up to look at Idia's face as he gives his response. He raises his eyebrows, grin crooked and curious. "When you get that tone, I know you're up to no good."

Sacrificing the hug he has around his boyfriend for just a moment, Cater reaches up to pinch both of Idia's cheeks gently between his thumbs and forefingers. "Plotting something sinful, my sexy mad genius?"

With his cheeks squished, Idia breaks down into a sustained fit of his signature giggle, his eyes gleaming. He looks so happy, so playful.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” he snickers, reaching up to boop Cater’s nose. “Silly Cater-gator, I can’t give away all my secrets.”

They’re acting like a couple of saps and Idia loves it. Even all these months later, this feels like the best dream ever and he never wants to wake up. If only he hadn’t been so afraid three years ago!

Cater-gator! Laughing, Cater leans up to plant a big, enthusiastic kiss on Idia's lips. He's still giggling when he lets go of his boyfriend's face to wrap his arms around him again and get back into prime cuddling position. "You know what? I think I love you more every single day."

How can he want this single moment to last forever just as hard as he wants the train ride to hurry up and be over so they can put their hands all over each other.

Idia’s heart flutters at those words, his teasing grin softening into a mushy smile. Cater is his best friend, his boyfriend, his heart and soul. His whole life has turned around for the better because of this sweet, silly ginger boy.

Wrapped in each other’s arms, the trip will go fast enough, and eventually they’ll be alone. For now, cuddling is recharging Idia’s batteries. “If I loved you any more than I already do, I think my heart would pop like a balloon. I can feel it everywhere. It’s a good feeling, really good.”

Taking a deep breath, Cater lets it out with a noise of content. Nuzzling into his neck like an adoring kitten, he closes his eyes and enjoys the ambiance. Idia's heartbeat, the thrum of the train's movement. "I better be careful, in that case," he murmurs. "Being that I'm so adorable and all that."

He doesn't feel tired, doesn't want to fall asleep, but the sheer comfort he feels finally being in Idia's arms makes it hard not to drift off. "Do you wanna watch something, or do you wanna take a nap?"

“Compromise. I’ll put something on, and if we go mentally AFK then it’s NBD.” Either way, they’re not letting go of each other.

Idia’s bag is close enough for him to snag his tablet, so he grabs it and pulls up the next episode of an anime they’ve been watching. He calls over his drone and fastens the tablet to the hovering skull, nudging it into a position where they can both see the screen. He feels drowsy but he’ll probably stay awake for a bit, if only to watch Cater’s face rather than the show.

"Works for me," Cater agrees, fingers idly caressing his boyfriend in simple, fond touches. As the episode reaches a quiet moment, he feels a touch of nostalgia and lets out a slight chuckle.

"Hey," he says, "do you remember those super obscure anime stickers you sent me to use on messenger, as a birthday gift?"

"Huh?" Idia's halfway dozing at that point, lulled by those light caresses. It takes him a moment to remember what Cater's talking about. Oh, it's the same anime they're watching now, isn't it? He thinks so... that might've been freshman year, before they became friends. A desperation gift, something to be polite, but now it's another point of connection between them, something fun they share. He definitely pays far more attention to Cater and their interactions now. "Oh yeah. Don't remember which set, but I'm pretty sure it was this show."

Cater's chuckle turns into a more vibrant giggle as he presses his face into Idia's chest briefly. "Yeah, it is--I'd totally forgotten to ask you about it before, what the name of the show was called. But I was just thinking about it. Back then...it made me so happy to get a gift from you."

Most people would probably think it was such a lame, throwaway gift. A digital sticker pack--not only a cheap, intangible item, but something super random that he probably wasn't into at all. One might think that Idia had been trying to pick something frustrating.

"It meant that I had an excuse to message you, and something to learn more about so we could talk about it together." That hadn't happened, of course, because Cater hadn't been able to find the anime, but it gave him an in to ask for recommendations. Even if Idia hadn't really warmed up to him at the time, it was more than he'd ever expected.

To his credit, Idia does look mildly embarrassed. "I had no idea what to do. I mean, I know what I was expected to do, but I didn't know anything about you other than the whole Magicam thing. The stickers were an 'I panicked and it was the first thing I thought of' gift."

But having Cater there, snuggling and clearly happy without the least bit of resentment, eases the urge to apologize for the old almost-snub. "You get much better gifts now, at least. And it doesn't have to be a special occasion."

Looking up at Idia with a wide smile, Cater stretches up for a kiss, brushing those flaming bangs from his face. "You are the best gift I've ever gotten."

The phone, the vacation, the sexy study sessions...they're all amazing gifts. But just to have Idia at he is--no, just to know Idia. He feels like his life's been enriched just by having met him. The Fates saw them for what they were: two lonely sides of the same coin and saw fit to put them on a path toward one another.

"I couldn't ever ask for anything more than that."

Hearing his own thoughts from Cater's mouth cements how true they are, that each of them is exactly what the other needed to be complete. This is what being whole feels like, Idia's certain of it. He chases Cater's lips with a kiss of his own, sliding his fingers through copper locks, lingering in a warm press and soft breaths on each other's faces.

"You're my world, Cay. I love my brother, but... he has a life of his own now. You are my life, the best co-op player I could ever have."

Once they're kissing, Cater doesn't want to stop kissing again. This time, the passion he feels is sweet and warm--a fervent ember of affection that burns deep in his heart. "You've turned me into such a softy--you'll make me cry, you nerd." Laughing, the ginger lets out a slight sob as his happiness swells and he dots Idia's pale lips with kiss after kiss.

"You're my whole world, my life, my everything," he agrees. "I'm sure I don't have to say it, but I'm going to anyway: I'll never make you choose between me and Ortho. As far as I'm concerned, he's my brother now, too."

Ortho's a good kid, and between that and the history of the Shroud brothers, Cater couldn't imagine trying to diminish what they have. "I've always wanted a brother, anyway."

It’s one thing for Cater to like Ortho, but knowing his boyfriend thinks of Ortho like a brother has Idia’s throat tightening with emotion. Cater has accepted all of Idia, the good and the bad, and every day the other boy integrates further into the Shroud family through the eldest son. The next big step is STYX, but more and more even the fatalistic Idia is sure Cater will pass that test with flying colors.

Oh. Cater… really is a permanent fixture in his life now, isn’t he? Living together, sharing plans and hopes for the future, it’s like they’re….

No, it’s too soon for that. They still have internships, graduation, so much ahead. But the thought doesn’t feel as ludicrous as it would’ve been a year ago, and the watery smile and the light in Idia’s eyes is a crystal clear sign that something in his heart has just clicked into place. “I love you so much,” he whispers, not bothering to stem a few happy tears.

Gazing at each other like this, he's the one who feels like his heart can't possibly get any more full.

"What's that look about?" The question comes playfully, a thumb stroking Idia's cheek. "You keep that talk up and you'll be way too sweet for me to eat up the way I'm planning."

Eyes crinkling, Cater nuzzles into his lover's neck, gnashing his teeth in a joking, exaggerative manner before kissing the skin instead.

He can't tell Cater what he was thinking, it really is too soon. No matter how close they are, what if saying it starts an argument? Or if Cater worries about things moving too fast and the entire summer becomes awkward? Idia's just caught up in the moment, that's all. He missed his boyfriend and now his imagination is running wild, no more and no less.

So instead he giggles through the brief bout of tears, nuzzling into Cater's hair. "The only sweet you actually like?" Gods, he loves this dork so much it makes him dizzy. He takes up the hand stroking his cheek and presses a kiss into the palm, then another on the backs of Cater's knuckles.

"Definitely," he confirms, too over the moon with the mood they're in to question anything further. They're clearly both just lovesick from their time apart and the promise of everything to come. "If it's you giving me sugar, I'll take it all."

Accepting every kiss and every gentle caress, Cater settles back in. He takes a deep breath and sighs, eyes closing. The nostalgic mood hasn't left him yet--he thinks about so many of the times that the two of them had interacted, the delight he'd feel seeing Idia outside of his room. Getting the chance to talk to him in person instead of through a tablet screen. Sometimes it still seems so impossible they've gotten to where they are.

"Who knew it was possible to feel so happy?"

“Not me, not until you told me how you really feel.” ‘I think I've been in love with you for a long time.’ Those words forever live in his brain, a neon sign that lights up so many darkened corners. Cater saved him in a way the others hadn’t. They’d saved each other.

He cradles Cater’s head to his chest, holds him tight with his other arm, tangled their legs. It’s not enough but it’ll do for now. Idia closes his eyes too, letting the quiet sounds of the anime and the train and Cater’s breathing lull him into a dozing state.

Safe in Idia's arms, Cater feels untouchable. The stress of the outside world dulled out to silence. Here, there's only the sound of their heartbeats, the rise and fall of his boyfriend's chest beneath his cheek. He drifts off before long, as well, coming back to reality only when the train eventually rolls to a stop, gently lurching both of their bodies against the seats.

"Mmmm," he murmurs as he presses his face fully into Idia's chest. "What's that, are we here?"

Idia checks the time and GPS data on his phone, then nods. “Last stop, so we have time to get ourselves up and out. Don’t wanna linger too long, though.”

The drone tucks away his tablet before settling itself into Idia’s baggage. Groaning, the flame-haired boy sits up, still holding Cater close. “Cuddle time later, promise.”

Cater nods, pulling himself up with a measure of reluctance as he rubs his eyes. "Later," he agrees. "After I've had my way with you and vice versa." He knows once they get up and moving, the excitement is going to get his blood pumping once again. Still, in his half-awake haze he plants a sweet kiss on Idia's cheek.

"Need to stretch my legs so I don't totally beef it once we're vertical."

Idia smiles at the kiss, swinging his legs down to stretch and get blood flowing again. Neither of them needs to stumble and collapse. They have a bit of a hike ahead of them as it is to get to the little town at the foot of the main trail. Ugh.

Once he’s sure he won’t buckle to the floor, Idia gets up and retrieves his bags. A glance out the windows shows a lot of trees and sloping hills leading up to mountains, not something he’s used to. Seven, what has he gotten himself into? “If I collapse out there, wipe my browser history.”

"After I browse all of your dirtiest secrets, it's a promise," Cater agrees as he hoists his own bags up and over his shoulder. Once they're ready to go and heading toward the door he adds, "but if you collapse, I'll carry you like the princess you are."

He'd never simply let his beloved expire on a mountain trail! And once they've stepped on the train, officially far, far away from everyone they know, Cater reaches over to take Idia's hand, lacing their fingers together.

Idia can’t help cackling at that, his eyes crinkling in the corners. Still, the return grip on Cater’s hand is firm and loving, obviously enjoying their anonymity here where they can hold hands or kiss without raising a fuss. They hold on tight as they make their way from the station to town, a cozy place with lots of little shops and restaurants catering to tourists.

“It’s… quaint. Feels like a hub village from a more modern but not futuristic RPG.” Idia squints under the bright sun. With one hand holding Cater’s and the other occupied with baggage, he has nothing to shield his photosensitive eyes. He’s never really had to prepare for extended outdoor activity, aside from the horror that is PE. “Too bright, though.”

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