Carter’s feels the beginnings of a breakdown starting when Idia texts him back. It shows that he read the message but with 10 minutes and a huge campus, Cater doesn’t waste time. He flings himself out of bed, moving as fast as he dares in the pathway of Idia’s instructions, barely making it in time. At Idia’s door he’s breathing hard, clammy and heart racing from a mixture of exertion and anxiety.
He puts his hand on the door, knocking softly. Cater’s never felt so many knots in his stomach before.
The door slides open with a familiar soft whoosh of air, revealing the cocooned lump of shadow that is Idia. His screens illuminate him in blue, along with the soft glow of Ortho’s pod. Idia taps a control and the pod darkens, the sleeping robot blocked from view with a privacy shield.
Cater’s phone pings with a text, Idia must have his phone buried in the blankets with him: privacy now talk norm
Cater glances at his phone and nods, wiping hand over his face as he catches his breath. Coming over to the foot of the bed, Cater sits down, facing away. He knows that it’ll be too hard to be open if he’s looking at Idia directly. This is probably the more comfortable position for both of them.
Barefoot and dressed in sweatpants and a plain T-shirt, Cater looks more disheveled than he’s ever looked around anyone in school before. He’s glad for the darkness of the gloomy dorm, not that it’s more than subscript in his brain right now. For a moment it’s just Cater breathing heavily, but setting his phone out beside him with their chat open, Cater just…talks.
He knows if he thinks too long, it’ll all come out wrong.
“Ever since I was just a little kid, my family’s moved constantly from place to place for my dad’s work. Every time that I made a friend, they came with an expiration date. Eventually I stopped trying. I shut myself off from everyone. But the problem was I still wanted to have friends, I just couldn’t take telling them goodbye anymore.” Cater pauses to swallow, continuing on before he gets too nervous. “Then one day, I felt so alone and desperate and unseen that I just…split myself. I was excited, at first. I could make as many friends as I wanted. I had plenty of people to talk to and play games with. I didn’t have to worry about saying goodbye to them or being alone ever again.
The thing about being your own best friend, though, is that it isn’t really real. At the end of the day I was just playing an elaborate game of pretend. We didn’t have anything to talk about because we all had the same thoughts. The same stories. The same ideas. All of a sudden, or maybe I knew it the whole time and just didn’t want to admit it, I realized I was more alone than I’d ever been.”
The way he talks, Idia had assumed the other boy was playfully aloof and insensitive, making connections only for clout. Cater wanted to be seen as shallow, so nothing real could ever come from those connections.
And Idia had fallen for the ruse, just like everyone else.
He switches to text to speech, hands shaking. “we were both alone until we made our own companions”
For Idia, it was Ortho. For Cater, his clones. Two answers to the same sad question.
Somehow, Cater wasn’t expecting Idia to believe him. His worst thoughts were roiling, telling him that he was just going to sound like he was making something up, trying to relate to Idia on a more personal level to…he doesn’t know, do something more humiliating. It’s such a shocking relief to see the text messages put it all together in such simple understanding that he can’t help but laugh.
“I never let anyone too close, you know? So when you opened up to me about everything, about yourself and what you’ve gone through, I started panicking.” He laughs again, a manic sound that starts to shift. “It was the first time anyone’s ever trusted me, and it was nice to be that person, but the nicer I feel being around you, aha…”
No, that isn’t laughter, not anymore. The shaking of his shoulders and the strained gasps aren’t from physical exertion. Cater sobs, grinding his palms into his cheeks and trying to stop the flow.
“…the more scared I get. I thought pushing you away would be better, but it isn’t, and I feel so helpless.”
They’re alike, they’re so much alike it’s awful. Bad enough for one person to feel so alone, but two of them?
But… are they really alone anymore?
Idia sets down his phone and gets up from his chair, shedding his blanket cocoon. His hair is a tangled mess, the darkness rimming his eyes deeper than before and the shadows of hollowness beginning in his cheeks. He looks beaten and broken as he slowly moves to the bed, sitting beside Cater. Spindly fingers reach up, barely brushing a tear from the other boy’s jaw as if trying to figure out what it is. Oh, but he knows, he’s shed so many of his own.
Suddenly his arms wind around Cater’s shoulders and draw the ginger boy close to his chest. He’s shivering at the unfamiliar contact, but he’s trying.
How long has it been since he’s cried in front of anyone? Even alone, he preferred to chastise himself and beat his emotions down in his moments of solitary weakness.
Casual embraces have never been any big deal, but this unexpected role reversal leaves him shell shocked. It might be safer to pull back, but he doesn’t have the strength to fight anymore. Cater presses himself into Idia’s chest, garbled words tumbling out unbidden. How that he’s started, he just can’t stop. “Always seeing you by yourself, I knew what it was like. I felt like maybe, maybe I could…”
Could what? Help him? It feels so stupid that he can’t even finish the sentiment, just buries his face into Idia’s lanky frame.
Idia's voice comes out a rough, raspy whisper. He sounds like he's fighting the flu, which would definitely lend credence to his reasons for absence. It doesn't feel good to speak, either, but he has to try. Cater's spilled so much, Idia owes him that small effort.
"Doesn't matter why you did it. You still initiated a quest nobody else ever bothered to do. You tried to be a healer and a tank all at once for me. The PCs who Overblotted... they didn't want me KO'ed but they also didn't want me to TPK everybody in STYX, maybe globally. My HP and MP weren't in danger here, but you still went for the Talk option instead of Fight or Run."
It's a lot, but even with his voice on the fritz there's still a gentleness to it that says so much more than the words themselves.
Every word is loud and clear despite the state of Idia’s voice. He nods weakly against his chest to show that he’s heard him but it isn’t until his tears start to ease their intensity that he’s able to find his own voice again.
“I’ve wanted to be your friend since freshman year.” Against his better judgment. Against his own self-preservation instincts.
He starts to ask why, but stops himself. He knows the answer. Like calls to like, who better to understand loneliness than the lonely?
"Already on this story path, so we make the best of it. There's no save states in this game. Gotta see it through to the ending." For reasons he can't explain, he presses his face into coppery hair, still holding Cater tightly. "You joined my party for realz, so we go together, 'kay?"
There really isn’t any going back, not anymore. If it already hurts to leave, all he can do is stay. It’s hard for him to think that things will work out, that there won’t be any pain, but all they can do at this point is support each other along the road forward.
His eyes close as tension leaves him. Cater holds his arms loosely around Idia, the embrace much softer as exhaustion starts to really set in. “What role am I in the party?”
"You spec yourself. Gotta find where you fit in." Idia sighs, the sound transforming into a quiet yawn. "Too low on battery anyway. Shutdown imminent." After all, he's been awake since their fight.
He'll think about the implications and consequences later, but for now Idia topples over onto his side, pulling Cater down with him onto the bed. A little squirming and he gets his legs up there too, but instead of curling up the way he usually would he keeps the other boy firmly in his arms. Looks like Cater is an Ignihyde for the rest of the night.
Cater would've been fine passing out on the ground, so it's a pleasant surprise when he's dragged along to share the bed. Even if he were shy, he's way too tired to make any kind of protests, and before he's even fully adjusted his legs alongside Idia's, he's out like a light. It's so late that it's not going to be nearly enough sleep--but a solid handful of hours is better than what either of them have been getting for the last few days.
What awaits Cater in his subconscious, however, ends up being far more than he bargained for. The fire-haired Housewarden sits over him, eyes gleaming, throwing a blush pink glow over both of their naked bodies as he graces Cater with that rare, shy smile. Cater reaches up to run his hands through those beautiful, flickering strands and then up to cup his face, brings their bodies together, merges their lips...
It's not like it's the first time he's ever had a wet dream or woken up with very real stiffness between his legs, but it's all about context in this case. When the inevitable wake-up call happens, there are certainly going to be a lot of surprises.
Thankfully, Idia's dreams are peaceful for once, more vague feelings of calm and nebulous soothing voices in a soft fog. It might be that his mind is too worn out from the caffeine and adrenaline crash to form anything, but it could also be that he's content holding someone and being held in return.
Apparently, Idia Shroud is a cuddler.
His phone alarm goes off first, followed by the chime of Ortho's pod cycling into waking mode. After a short while, the privacy screen retracts and the little robot emerges. Confusion flickers through his eyes when he doesn't see Idia at the computer, only to turn to incredulous surprise when he spots his elder brother in bed, finally fast asleep, with Cater Diamond held tightly to his body. Only his instincts to allow Idia as much sleep as possible while recovering from illness keeps him from flailing and shouting in surprise.
His brother... has formed a close connection with someone? Even more so than Ortho imagined from Cater's frequent visits! The younger Shroud giggles softly, taking a moment to record the image in his memory banks for the future before leaving for his own classes.
Idia sleeps on, unaware of how his legs have tangled with Cater's during the night. His face is calm and slack with deep sleep, much of the tension around his eyes finally gone. With his lips slightly parted, he's drooled a little on the pillow, but thankfully he doesn't snore. The alarm continues to chime, louder but not blaring obnoxiously.
Despite being a heavy sleeper, Cater's phone addiction has trained his brain to waking up at the sound of alarms. Heartslaybul doesn't allow for snoozing, so with a groan he reaches over to try and turn off the alarm...only to discover several truths at once.
That's not his phone going off.
He's not in his dorm.
He is fully cuddled against the body of one Idia Shroud.
He is fully erect.
The last one puts a much bigger sense of urgency into him than the facts preceding it. Gulping, the only thing keeping him from fully launching out of bed is how peaceful Idia's face is. First off: awwww! Second off: he absolutely can't afford to wake him up. Both because he's sure that Idia desperately needs this sleep, and second because he has to take care of his own situation without Idia finding out.
The events of the night before come rushing back to him along with the dream that followed, and it's with a measure of reluctance that he tries to detangle himself from his (newly official) friend and climb out of bed. He wonders if he can even turn off Idia's alarm or if it's locked to his own fingerprints or something.
The reason Idia never says "Oh, I'll nap before this early morning raid" is due to the fact that alarms rarely wake him. If Cater is a heavy sleeper, Idia sleeps like the dead once he does go down. Cater has little difficulty extracting himself from Idia's hold, the embrace more one of position than effort now. The most he does is roll onto his stomach a bit and hug his pillow instead.
The sleek phone resting on the contact charging pad continues to chime, though the "STOP" button is clearly visible and not behind any sort of lock. Fumbling through unlocking his phone to shut off an alarm isn't something Idia has the coordination to do on sufficient sleep, much less what little he's gotten recently.
Whew, and stage 1 of "take care of your incredibly inconveniently timed boner" has been cleared! Cater breathes a sigh of relief as he turns off the alarm. Idia deserves a full, uninterrupted sleep. He, on the other hand, is going to have to make due with what he's got.
Thankfully he'd silenced his phone before he came over, because he can see it blowing up with texts from members of Heartslaybul from where he'd abandoned it on the floor. Oof. Cater winces and picks it up, but leaves it on a higher surface for now while he darts into the bathroom. Important thing's first.
He'll figure out how to explain his walk of shame later. For now, the shower is going on and his clothes are coming off.
Infrequently as he bathes, Idia's bathroom setup is pretty nice. There's no mirror, only a suspicious set of empty brackets on the wall, but the shower is roomy and the soap and shampoo are barely scented but expensive. Not unexpected considering Idia is both a Housewarden and the Twisted Wonderland version of a trust fund kid, but Cater gets to benefit for now. The temperature controls are digital and there are multiple settings for the showerhead, making it easy to get comfortable for whatever the user might need.
Ignihyde is both incredibly awesome and...so, so overwhelming. Cater's glad he's as good with technology as he is, even if he's no builder or programmer, otherwise the controls would feel so alien. Once he gets started, though, he finds it easy enough to navigate.
Letting warm water envelop him makes him feel embraced by Idia all over again, and he can't stop his mind wandering back to those fantasies. There's a big part of him that says stop it, what are you doing? but try as he might, the faces and noises Idia made in his dream keep slipping back in as he tries to switch to other, more anonymous fantasies.
For the sake of not taking way, way longer than necessary in the shower, Cater caves temporarily to the insistence of his desire, biting his hand to muffle the moans that rise from his throat as his legs start to feel like they're full of jelly. Even though Idia didn't seem to be waking up any time soon, he's not about to test his luck.
Idia's not waking up, but oh will Cater get an eyeful when he emerges from the bathroom. The Housewarden rolls over again in his sleep, sprawled out on his back with the blankets almost on the floor. His loose t-shirt has rucked up most of the way, revealing narrow hips, a flat but undefined abdomen, and a slim chest crowning somewhat prominent ribs. One pale rosy nipple peeks out just past the hem of the rumpled shirt.
A nerd physique, definitely, but for Cater's newly awakened appreciation for his friend it's a goldmine photo op.
Cater's feeling much better by the time he's slipped back into his clothes, clear-headed and ready to deal with whatever nonsense the day has in store for him...when he steps out to get a total eyeful of Idia. In that moment, he totally believes that Idia's got sick hax0r skillz. Because no way, no WAY he's he walking out into that scene and feeling his dick twitch in appreciation.
He doesn't have time for this--both to get aroused again and also to process how he's getting aroused to begin with. Cater snatches his phone, intent on leaving...but he's weak. He stops and takes a picture. He might, um, need it later. For something.
But for now, it's time to dash his way back to his dorm, get put together for class, and assuage Riddle's guaranteed anger at discovering him having snuck out after curfew. He'll text Idia once he's escape the queen's wrath to let him know that he had to bounce, but promise to be back after class.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He puts his hand on the door, knocking softly. Cater’s never felt so many knots in his stomach before.
no subject
Cater’s phone pings with a text, Idia must have his phone buried in the blankets with him: privacy now
talk norm
no subject
Barefoot and dressed in sweatpants and a plain T-shirt, Cater looks more disheveled than he’s ever looked around anyone in school before. He’s glad for the darkness of the gloomy dorm, not that it’s more than subscript in his brain right now. For a moment it’s just Cater breathing heavily, but setting his phone out beside him with their chat open, Cater just…talks.
He knows if he thinks too long, it’ll all come out wrong.
“Ever since I was just a little kid, my family’s moved constantly from place to place for my dad’s work. Every time that I made a friend, they came with an expiration date. Eventually I stopped trying. I shut myself off from everyone. But the problem was I still wanted to have friends, I just couldn’t take telling them goodbye anymore.” Cater pauses to swallow, continuing on before he gets too nervous. “Then one day, I felt so alone and desperate and unseen that I just…split myself. I was excited, at first. I could make as many friends as I wanted. I had plenty of people to talk to and play games with. I didn’t have to worry about saying goodbye to them or being alone ever again.
The thing about being your own best friend, though, is that it isn’t really real. At the end of the day I was just playing an elaborate game of pretend. We didn’t have anything to talk about because we all had the same thoughts. The same stories. The same ideas. All of a sudden, or maybe I knew it the whole time and just didn’t want to admit it, I realized I was more alone than I’d ever been.”
Here, he pauses to catch His breath again.
no subject
The way he talks, Idia had assumed the other boy was playfully aloof and insensitive, making connections only for clout. Cater wanted to be seen as shallow, so nothing real could ever come from those connections.
And Idia had fallen for the ruse, just like everyone else.
He switches to text to speech, hands shaking. “we were both alone until we made our own companions”
For Idia, it was Ortho. For Cater, his clones. Two answers to the same sad question.
no subject
“I never let anyone too close, you know? So when you opened up to me about everything, about yourself and what you’ve gone through, I started panicking.” He laughs again, a manic sound that starts to shift. “It was the first time anyone’s ever trusted me, and it was nice to be that person, but the nicer I feel being around you, aha…”
No, that isn’t laughter, not anymore. The shaking of his shoulders and the strained gasps aren’t from physical exertion. Cater sobs, grinding his palms into his cheeks and trying to stop the flow.
“…the more scared I get. I thought pushing you away would be better, but it isn’t, and I feel so helpless.”
no subject
But… are they really alone anymore?
Idia sets down his phone and gets up from his chair, shedding his blanket cocoon. His hair is a tangled mess, the darkness rimming his eyes deeper than before and the shadows of hollowness beginning in his cheeks. He looks beaten and broken as he slowly moves to the bed, sitting beside Cater. Spindly fingers reach up, barely brushing a tear from the other boy’s jaw as if trying to figure out what it is. Oh, but he knows, he’s shed so many of his own.
Suddenly his arms wind around Cater’s shoulders and draw the ginger boy close to his chest. He’s shivering at the unfamiliar contact, but he’s trying.
no subject
Casual embraces have never been any big deal, but this unexpected role reversal leaves him shell shocked. It might be safer to pull back, but he doesn’t have the strength to fight anymore. Cater presses himself into Idia’s chest, garbled words tumbling out unbidden. How that he’s started, he just can’t stop. “Always seeing you by yourself, I knew what it was like. I felt like maybe, maybe I could…”
Could what? Help him? It feels so stupid that he can’t even finish the sentiment, just buries his face into Idia’s lanky frame.
no subject
"Doesn't matter why you did it. You still initiated a quest nobody else ever bothered to do. You tried to be a healer and a tank all at once for me. The PCs who Overblotted... they didn't want me KO'ed but they also didn't want me to TPK everybody in STYX, maybe globally. My HP and MP weren't in danger here, but you still went for the Talk option instead of Fight or Run."
It's a lot, but even with his voice on the fritz there's still a gentleness to it that says so much more than the words themselves.
no subject
“I’ve wanted to be your friend since freshman year.” Against his better judgment. Against his own self-preservation instincts.
no subject
"Already on this story path, so we make the best of it. There's no save states in this game. Gotta see it through to the ending." For reasons he can't explain, he presses his face into coppery hair, still holding Cater tightly. "You joined my party for realz, so we go together, 'kay?"
no subject
There really isn’t any going back, not anymore. If it already hurts to leave, all he can do is stay. It’s hard for him to think that things will work out, that there won’t be any pain, but all they can do at this point is support each other along the road forward.
His eyes close as tension leaves him. Cater holds his arms loosely around Idia, the embrace much softer as exhaustion starts to really set in. “What role am I in the party?”
no subject
He'll think about the implications and consequences later, but for now Idia topples over onto his side, pulling Cater down with him onto the bed. A little squirming and he gets his legs up there too, but instead of curling up the way he usually would he keeps the other boy firmly in his arms. Looks like Cater is an Ignihyde for the rest of the night.
no subject
What awaits Cater in his subconscious, however, ends up being far more than he bargained for. The fire-haired Housewarden sits over him, eyes gleaming, throwing a blush pink glow over both of their naked bodies as he graces Cater with that rare, shy smile. Cater reaches up to run his hands through those beautiful, flickering strands and then up to cup his face, brings their bodies together, merges their lips...
It's not like it's the first time he's ever had a wet dream or woken up with very real stiffness between his legs, but it's all about context in this case. When the inevitable wake-up call happens, there are certainly going to be a lot of surprises.
no subject
Apparently, Idia Shroud is a cuddler.
His phone alarm goes off first, followed by the chime of Ortho's pod cycling into waking mode. After a short while, the privacy screen retracts and the little robot emerges. Confusion flickers through his eyes when he doesn't see Idia at the computer, only to turn to incredulous surprise when he spots his elder brother in bed, finally fast asleep, with Cater Diamond held tightly to his body. Only his instincts to allow Idia as much sleep as possible while recovering from illness keeps him from flailing and shouting in surprise.
His brother... has formed a close connection with someone? Even more so than Ortho imagined from Cater's frequent visits! The younger Shroud giggles softly, taking a moment to record the image in his memory banks for the future before leaving for his own classes.
Idia sleeps on, unaware of how his legs have tangled with Cater's during the night. His face is calm and slack with deep sleep, much of the tension around his eyes finally gone. With his lips slightly parted, he's drooled a little on the pillow, but thankfully he doesn't snore. The alarm continues to chime, louder but not blaring obnoxiously.
no subject
That's not his phone going off.
He's not in his dorm.
He is fully cuddled against the body of one Idia Shroud.
He is fully erect.
The last one puts a much bigger sense of urgency into him than the facts preceding it. Gulping, the only thing keeping him from fully launching out of bed is how peaceful Idia's face is. First off: awwww! Second off: he absolutely can't afford to wake him up. Both because he's sure that Idia desperately needs this sleep, and second because he has to take care of his own situation without Idia finding out.
The events of the night before come rushing back to him along with the dream that followed, and it's with a measure of reluctance that he tries to detangle himself from his (newly official) friend and climb out of bed. He wonders if he can even turn off Idia's alarm or if it's locked to his own fingerprints or something.
no subject
The sleek phone resting on the contact charging pad continues to chime, though the "STOP" button is clearly visible and not behind any sort of lock. Fumbling through unlocking his phone to shut off an alarm isn't something Idia has the coordination to do on sufficient sleep, much less what little he's gotten recently.
no subject
Thankfully he'd silenced his phone before he came over, because he can see it blowing up with texts from members of Heartslaybul from where he'd abandoned it on the floor. Oof. Cater winces and picks it up, but leaves it on a higher surface for now while he darts into the bathroom. Important thing's first.
He'll figure out how to explain his walk of shame later. For now, the shower is going on and his clothes are coming off.
no subject
no subject
Letting warm water envelop him makes him feel embraced by Idia all over again, and he can't stop his mind wandering back to those fantasies. There's a big part of him that says stop it, what are you doing? but try as he might, the faces and noises Idia made in his dream keep slipping back in as he tries to switch to other, more anonymous fantasies.
For the sake of not taking way, way longer than necessary in the shower, Cater caves temporarily to the insistence of his desire, biting his hand to muffle the moans that rise from his throat as his legs start to feel like they're full of jelly. Even though Idia didn't seem to be waking up any time soon, he's not about to test his luck.
no subject
A nerd physique, definitely, but for Cater's newly awakened appreciation for his friend it's a goldmine photo op.
no subject
He doesn't have time for this--both to get aroused again and also to process how he's getting aroused to begin with. Cater snatches his phone, intent on leaving...but he's weak. He stops and takes a picture. He might, um, need it later. For something.
But for now, it's time to dash his way back to his dorm, get put together for class, and assuage Riddle's guaranteed anger at discovering him having snuck out after curfew. He'll text Idia once he's escape the queen's wrath to let him know that he had to bounce, but promise to be back after class.