caycay | I've Been Lonely

Cater shakes his head. "I like quiet. I get so tired of all the hustle and bustle. I think it sounds peaceful."

And so, so much better than the usual sounds of family drama. Another couple of taps and he's forwarded the venue to Idia. Despite it's "rustic" appeal, the home itself seems comfortably updated.

"We'll have our own music to fill the silence when we want to. I'll bring my guitar, too, of course."

The more Idia looks at the listing, the less apprehension he feels. This wouldn't be "roughing it," he can still be comfortable if he has a bad mental health day or two, and best of all there won't be anyone to hear them if they get a little... enthusiastic. He nods once, then looks up at Cater and nods again, a warm smile growing quickly.

"Yeah... yeah, I think this is doable. It's not totally cut off and we'll have each other. How long do you want to stay there?"

Seeing Idia's face grow softer adds fuel to Cater's excited flame. "I guess forever is unreasonable, since we have things to do," he jokes, coming in for another kiss. "But as long as we can afford to? Just because I want you all to myself as long as I can. I guess I do have to at least spend a little time with my family, but..."

All he can think about is all the things they can do together. How they can really have the time to make up for all the dates they couldn't have. "Even though it's the summer, we can pretend that we're snowed in and get all cozy, watch some of your favorite movies...I'll make you all the indulgent breakfasts I can think of...I bet we'll see some cute animals, too."

It's going to be so romantic.

As long as they can afford to? Cater must've forgotten about the Shroud family's wealth. Idia's parents don't really give him much grief about what he spends, considering he could easily live a far more lavish lifestyle. As he checks availability dates, he idly asks Cater a question: "How long do you want to visit your family and when? Beginning of break or the end?"

Because Idia's going to have Cater all to himself the rest of the time. Hopefully the Diamonds won't want their son home during the middle of the break, Idia will sulk the entire summer then.

It's a hard choice, because either one feels like compromising. "I wanna say...end of the break. Partially because I don't want to have to wait, and partially because knowing that I'll be right with you again will keep me sane. I should probably give them at least a week..."

Unable to help himself, Cater pouts. "But I guess I should, you know, actually tell them about everything before I make a specific plan on the timeline. You know, since they haven't seen me since winter break and all, and I feel like I won't hear the end of it if I surprise them with a 'guess what I'm not coming home seeya!'"

Why can't he just be irresponsible and avoidant without feeling guilty about it? Damn moral compass!

Idia makes a disgruntled noise and mentally figures "screw it." He books the entire summer except for three weeks at the end. They'll probably be going to STYX early because of travel time and the need to settle in, so that plus Cater possibly visiting his family around that time should make it work. He can always modify the booking later, it's not like any fees the rental place charges would hurt that much. He won't tell Cater yet, just to avoid any pressure.

"You'll let me know as soon as possible, right?" He sighs. "I wish I could go with you, but somehow I don't think I could handle your family. Plus I know word would get back to everyone at NRC somehow if I showed up there."

"Nah, I think I'll keep you wondering." As he says it, he squishes both of Idia's cheeks, forcing his lips to purse goofily. "Duh, I'll tell you the second I know!"

In regards to the thought of Idia and his family, he thinks about it a bit more carefully. "They're a lot for me, so they'll definitely be a lot for you." Actually looking a bit more bashful now, he admits, "that said, though...I'd like you to meet them sometime."

Idia huffs in mock offense when Cater squishes his cheeks, but his eyes remain softly affectionate as they always are around his boyfriend. The admission about wanting him to meet the Diamond family comes as a bit of a surprise, though. If they're anything like Cater-- or at least the cheerful mask Cater shows to the world-- what will they think of someone like Idia?

"I don't know if they'd approve of me...." Idia bites his lip. "I mean, I know that wouldn't make you change your mind about us, but the thought of them giving you a hard time about your choice worries me." Of course, how much weight does that concern really hold when everything worries Idia?

The hands that had been squishing his cheeks now cup Idia's face gently, thumbs caressing the sharp diagonal of his cheekbones. "I wouldn't let them disapprove of you," he says...and there's a certain intensity to those words, like he'd more quickly throw them away than him.

He does love his family, but there's only one person in the world who he's ever felt happy around, and that person is right here in his arms.

"Besides, you're so cute there's no way they wouldn't like you." Cater smiles again, but there's a slight wince to it as he's reminded of his own experiences over the years. "You'd get stuffed full of all the sugar you can stomach."

"... no wonder you don't like sweets, if that's how they are." More than ever, Idia's determined to keep as much spicy, savory food around as possible. On another note, he wants to argue that he's far from cute, but he doesn't want Cater to get upset. Strange as it is, Cater actually hates when Idia puts himself down. He'll need more time to get used to that. "I'll take one for the team and consume all the sugar they throw at me, for your sake."

If he can handle an entire family of extroverts hovering around him, analyzing him, asking him personal questions... ugh, he can feel himself getting anxious just thinking about it. "And I won't let my parents or anyone at STYX disapprove of you, either. I'll make them understand what an asset you can be."

"Still get sick when I taste anything too sweet," he admits with a halfhearted chuckle. "Kind of sucks I got stuck in the tea party dorm...but it's whatever."

Sighing, Cater leans in and presses their foreheads together again, eyes closing. "You got me and I got you. I know I'm probably nothing like the kind of person they'd hope you'd be with, but I'll do everything I can to meet their expectations."

Idia mutters something about sticking to finger sandwiches and quiche at tea parties, but his flicker of annoyance at Heartslabyul's rules fades when Cater's forehead rests against his. That simple gesture always grounds him now, and he hopes it does the same for his boyfriend.

"My parents probably think they'd have to force me to connect with someone eventually, just to produce the next generation of cursed Shrouds. Arrange a marriage with some woman, beg me to consummate it, and figure out who would raise the offspring because I'd be a lousy parent." Idia sighs. "Guess they might still freak out over the lack of kids, because it's not like Ortho can have any. It's all on me, when really this whole stupid bloodline should just...." He trails off, shaking his head. "Sorry."

"Hey, hey! None of that matters now." Because he did connect to someone, and was only slightly forced into getting to that point. Even saying that, though, Cater can't help but feel a pang in his gut. It's way, way too early to think about kids, but now that he's brought it up...that really is a problem, isn't it?

Idia's basically risking the entire bloodline to be with him, isn't he?

Cater takes a steadying breath. "You'd be a great parent."

Idia snorts and shakes his head. “No way. I’m a mess, the only thing a kid would inherit from me is the anxiety. Besides, it’s a moot point. I’m not accepting anybody but you as my player two, and we can’t spawn adds.”

So yeah, he’s choosing to end the Shroud bloodline. He’s pretty sure the Jupiter family will come down on him like a storm but he doesn’t care. Without Cater, what would be the point in anything?

There's so much that Cater wants to say...or, at least, he feels like he wants to say. Because his own thoughts feel scattered and confused. Words aren't coming to him at all. You're so much more than your malware, he wants to assure, but he knows that arguing about Idia's self worth right now would likely just bring the mood down even further. It's a battle he's not confident he can win right now.

"Well," he finally says, sinking down the rest of the way around Idia and moving his hands to coil down underneath him, hugging him tight. "No matter what happens or what anyone thinks...I'm not changing routes."

Hugs are exactly what Idia needs right now, because the moment Cater's arms go around him he relaxes and cuddles back. "I know you won't. It's the one thing I'm sure of now. Even if there's a cascade failure and the whole system crashes, you're not a changing variable."

He hates that he has the weight of his family and their duty on his shoulders, that he even has to think about it in the sense of possibly defying it all. Cater is the center of the web: the reason for his defiance, the reason for his change of heart, the reason for his fight to transform STYX, all of it. Without that core, everything Idia has become falls apart.

Cater presses a kiss to Idia's cheek, relishing in the familiar warmth of their joined bodies. Of Idia's hair, and the rise and fall of his chest. "Let's file it away for some other time," he suggests. "We should be happy, today. It's a good day."

He knows how hard it is to avoid catastrophizing, even without the same kind of pressure of lineage that Idia has. Aside from the importance of bloodlines, one of his sisters is bound to give his parents grandchildren. For him, loving whoever he wants isn't at all a question. Still, there's nothing they can do about it today.

"Should I run my special anti-viral program? Give you a clean sweep?"

Cater doesn't even need to ask. Idia hums in assent and nuzzles into his boyfriend's hair. It's so easy to forget everything when they're both caught up in the moment. And Cater's right that it's a good day, it's one step closer to them both getting what they want... no, what they need. Being together is good for them, separating while they're still healing from their respective issues could set them back. At least that's what Idia tells himself to justify his selfish wishes. But it's okay to be selfish, they're not hurting anyone.

"Any special iterations you've got planned?"

"Hmmm..."

What would be an especially good distraction? Something new, maybe. Cater's mouth moves to kiss Idia's earlobe as he considers all of the different fantasies he's had--many of which he's yet to actually bring up since he doesn't want to freak out his poor, horny-but-until-recently-totally-virginal boyfriend. Although his arms stay in their same position, he shifts his legs to be better angled against Idia's crotch.

"How do you feel about being a sandwich?"

Idia shivers at the kiss and shifts closer when Cater presses against his groin. There’s clear interest in his eyes, a desire to lose himself for a while in sex. Watching his boyfriend’s face contort in pleasure always improves his mindset. But what’s he talking about?

“What do you mean by a sandwich? There’s only two of—“ The mental image hits him mid-sentence and his eyes widen. Seven, is Cater talking about using split card in bed? Idia feels his face heating up.

Cater was definitely anticipating having to explain, so when Idia abruptly cuts his statement off, he can't help the mischievous giggle that escapes him. He traps Idia's ear with his fang briefly. "I think you might've answered your own question," he says, and then more lowly, "so...interested?"

As gung-ho as he is about trying anything and everything out with Idia, it's definitely important to him to be sure that the other boy's fully on board first.

Idia splutters, his brain momentarily scrambled between the nip at his ear, the sultry question, and the absolutely lewd mental images bouncing around inside his skull. He's approaching beet red, his hair mostly pink already, and he looks like he's going to have a nosebleed any second now.

The thought of having two of his boyfriend pleasuring him is beyond whatever he might've fantasized over before, but at the same time it brings up some potentially awkward questions. The last thing he wants is to kill the mood! If he blurts out the wrong thing....

"H-- have you fooled around with your split card before??"

Like that oh what in the Underworld is wrong with him?! He pulls out of the hug to slap both hands over his blushing face. "I'm so sorry I don't know why I asked that I'm such a perv please don't be mad...."

At the blunt question, Cater can't help but let out a choked laugh, somewhere between surprised and embarrassed. He props himself up on his arms to look down at Idia, maybe a little sheepish himself. But Seven, did Idia look cute as hell right now, even in his own mortification.

"I'm not mad!" The reassurance comes fast, emphatic, but he trips on his words a little as he follows up with an actual answer to the question. "If, uh...if I said yes, would you be disgusted?"

Peeking out from between his fingers, Idia shakes his head. He still looks pretty shell-shocked, though. His question unlocked a door that Cater's hesitant answer then nudged partway open, and now more questions threaten to spill out. His pervy otaku brain wants details. Just how far did Cater and his split card go?? Oh gods, he really can't ask that! He eeps and covers his face fully again.

Is he going to have fantasies about Cater and a split card now? Multiple split cards?? Oh no, he'll never get rid of the mental image! It's too hot to handle and the effect that's having on him is really obvious. Cater's going to think he's an uncontrollable deviant!

Well. That tells him all he needs to know. A smile spreads across his face, first surprised and then positively wicked. "Flambae," he coos, leaning in close and knowing that even with his face covered, Idia will feel the presence of his looming. "Do you want to watch?"

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