caycay | I've Been Lonely

"Being sappy isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Though seeing it from an outside perspective is different from feeling it myself."

Idia had never dreamed about romance in his life. Okay, maybe he had very rare dreams of a more... passionate nature, but actual love and cuddling and sweet-talk? Not that he can recall. Maybe because he never thought this was a possibility for him, but now that it's reality he's a little surprised at how natural it feels. Being affectionate with Cater makes the other boy happy, which gives Idia a warm feeling in his chest that he craves, and in turn it makes him want to keep Cater happy because it makes them both feel good. He'd always said love was just chemicals in the brain, and scientifically that's true, but the effect of those chemicals is truly wondrous.

If he wasn't ravenously hungry, separating to eat really would be disappointing. Still, he sticks as close to Cater as he can while they enjoy their curries. He puts on a playlist of soft anime and game themes for background noise, the one with more than a few romantic pieces. It almost feels like a dinner date, except for their attire and their careful perch on the edge of Idia's bed. Maybe more like room service in a hotel after a night of passion? That's a dating sim trope Idia can enjoy. Wow, part of his brain is still gleefully reeling over losing his v-card. How long does that high last?

Cater chatters happily as they eat, feeling his stamina increasing as his body thanks him for every bite. If it wasn't for the framing, it could very well be a normal day at the cafeteria for dinner, the way he's able to speak with such casual openness. With his hands full cradling his food and water, he has one of his legs idly stroking Idia's--like he needs to be providing some form of physical affection or he'd lose his own mind for the lack of it.

If Idia's battling a newfound addiction to pleasure, Cater might be developing one for compulsive, idle touching.

Polishing off his plate, Cater sets it aside and guzzles plenty of water, quenching his thirst and soothing his overheated tastebuds. "Man," he comments, "I could definitely get used to not having to battle cafeteria lines, that's for sure."

He flops backward, all smiles, and reaches to stroke the soft fabric of Idia's bathrobe.

The entire time, Idia is very aware of Cater's leg touching his. Knowing why without anything being said? Now that's a surprise, but Idia knows it's part of what they've learned together these last weeks. The thought of anyone else touching him doesn't sit well with the introverted Housewarden, but Cater can do almost anything and Idia welcomes it. The ginger boy has earned himself some high-level privileges. Speaking of privileges, though....

"One of the advantages of being an introvert that runs all of NRC's security systems. Getting special permissions from the Headmage is the only reason I could go to school here. Otherwise I'd never survive the gauntlet of social interaction." He glances over at Cater with those quietly happy eyes. "And then I wouldn't have met you. So I guess indirectly, we owe him our thanks."

He sets his own dishes aside, noting that he actually finished everything. Huh, his appetite is improving even more lately. Sipping his water, he strokes Cater's hand with his free one, finally tangling their fingers together again. Cater is somewhat fair, but next to Idia's ghostly pallor he looks positively tanned. The thought... doesn't bother him the way it might have before. Cater loves him, looks and all.

"Him, or the Dark Mirror? The only reason I'm here at all is because it saw potential in me." If it wasn't for that, he was just some regular teenager. His dad had a good job but they were far from wealthy or prestigious people. No reason for the Headmage to have scouted him personally, like the rumors sometimes said he'd do.

Cater brings their joined hands toward himself, kissing Idia's knuckles. "Either way, I'm grateful." That they were put in the same school, the same class, and that he didn't miss his chance to get to this point. It's hard to think that there wasn't some great force working to bring them together. Fate wasn't something that Cater used to believe in, but now...

"Guess we owe them both." Idia blushes sweetly at the kiss, feeling just a bit like the princess recently rescued from distress by the handsome knight. "Do you realize how much had to happen for this super-complex quest line to get to this point? So many things could've gone wrong...."

If Idia's original wish to be with the "real" Ortho had come true, he'd be dead. Likely Cater would've never known the truth about why, because it was almost guaranteed the others present would've been killed as well.

"I finally started to feel like I deserve to be happy, and it's because of you."

Cater nods as he gazes up into the beautiful face of his incredible, amazing, unique boyfriend. "It scares me," he admits in a small voice, "how close we were to losing each other."

Still, he smiles, because there's no point in being hung up on those what ifs anymore. Their past, their traumas, those will always be a big part of their lives, but the balm of their love soothes it, turning their open wounds to faded scars. "It makes me love you even harder."

To make up for all the points in time that maybe they'd have loved each other sooner. To pay tribute to all the AUs where they never do. They made it through all the odds, and now all they have to do is appreciate it every single day.

"I'm going to make sure you never forget all the things you deserve. Happiness, love...hope for the future." That last one was big for him, too. "For me, you're home."

Home. The Isle of Woe. The only rotten bruise on this bright apple that is their relationship, the virus in the code. Eventually, all rot spreads and ruins the fruit, the virus destroys the system. Idia doesn't want it to happen to them.

His gentle smile doesn't falter. For once, the gloom in his heart doesn't make it to his eyes. He refuses to make his beloved sad, after all they've been through.

"And you're mine," he whispers. He brings their joined hands to his lips, mirroring Cater's earlier kiss. "No matter what, right?"

"No matter what," Cater promises without hesitation. Even before they'd started dating, he had no particular thoughts about where to go or what to do. Summer was looming, and beyond that they'd be seniors. There are plenty of choices, none of them meaning anything. But now, it isn't a question at all. Presumptuous or otherwise: where Idia's going, he's going. What might have once been a difficult conversation has already solved itself. Even if he had to break down the doors himself, he'd follow behind his beloved.

"I'd fight the Great Seven if I had to make sure of it."

How could someone like Cater stomach being in a gloomy place like Idia's homeland? If Cater follows Idia there, how long before the Isle of Woe sucks the color and life out of him? Could the selfish Idia Shroud let his beloved go to protect him from that life?

Idia doesn't want to think about it right now. Whatever time they have, he'll cherish it.

Still clinging to his boyfriend's hand, Idia leans in to press his forehead against Cater's. "I'll always love you, Cater. Nothing could ever change that."

There's no way that Cater can't notice a bit of the quiet apprehension in Idia's demeanor. It's like he's saying when we can't be together anymore without wanting to voice the worry. There's still so much that he doesn't know about the Shroud family curse...it's a huge topic, but not one for this night. It's been so perfect and it's going to continue being perfect.

Maybe after another couple of orgasms, he'll be willing to bring up more emotional topics.

"Come here, you," he murmurs, pulling Idia the rest of the way down with his free hand, trapping those sapphire lips in his own. The sweet mingles with his spicy, wonderful and delicious: the only sweet treat that doesn't make him cringe. When the kiss breaks, he nuzzles in, staying close. "I want you."

Cater's kiss drives back the darkest thoughts for now. Idia's lips tingle from leftover spice, and he hungrily chases his boyfriend's mouth for more. He catches Cater's lower lip gently between his teeth, letting the other boy thrill over the sharpness without causing harm, before he traces his tongue over the slight dents left behind. Mingled love and desire colors his heart, brightening the shadowed corners of his soul, a feeling he will never forget regardless of what time or distance might do to them.

"I want you, too." He sighs the words against Cater's lips, pressing closer. The burning urgency he felt before their first time has settled into a calmer sort of anticipation, letting Idia enjoy the nuances of his craving for his boyfriend. Still, from their earlier talk he knows what's being planned for this turn, and he can't help the wisp of nerves curling through his stomach like smoke. The last thing he wants is to hurt Cater with his inexperience. "Guide me, I want to do this right."

Tangling one hand in Idia's hair, the other finds the robe tie at his waistline and pulls it open gently. "Don't worry about a thing," Cater assures in a murmur. Only as it feels natural, he lays Idia back on the bed again, moving over him as they kiss. "You'll learn as we go. For now, just let me take care of you."

His body revealed to his boyfriend's eyes no longer triggers an embarrassed reaction in Idia. Instead of trying to cover himself, he welcomes Cater pressing against his bare body. Idia's arms close around Cater's back, his legs once again bracketing the other boy's hips. There's something about being mostly undressed with his robe only on his arms and under his back, like he's being seduced by the protagonist of a BL hentai game. With the trust he holds in Cater, it's a safe fantasy.

"I know you'll take good care of me." Idia's fingers slide up and down Cater's back, as much to soothe Idia himself as it is to offer a loving caress to his boyfriend. "Going to surprise me again?"

"Hopefully not too much this time," he replies with a slight laugh, running a hand down Idia's chest in appreciation. This time, he wanted to build up Idia just enough to be able to take his time riding him, so he'll avoid stimulating him too aggressively if he can help it. When his roaming hand comes back up again, Cater brushes one of Idia's nipples, running soft circles around it. "Maybe just the right amount of surprise."

It's been too long since he's tasted Idia's skin. He can't resist leaning in and pressing his tongue to his boyfriend's chest, dotting him with warm, wet kisses.

Idia twitches at the contact, his gasp more breathy and less overwrought. Yes, his chest is still sensitive, especially his nipples, but he's expecting the little flickers of pleasure now. A blissful grin finds his lips, one set of fingers winding gently into Cater's hair. Part of him wishes they could stay here forever, forget school and graduation and STYX. Caught up in the moment, even his games and technomantic projects are forgotten so easily. He loves Cater more than anything and wants to give this other "first" to his boyfriend. What will Cater feel like around him, what faces and sounds will he make?

Idia can't wait to find out.

"Teach me what you like, too. It's not fair if all the focus is on me." His free hand rests between Cater's shoulder blades, fingertips lightly kneading like a cat.

The way Idia touches him sends happy little waves through his skin. He smiles wider as he briefly traps a nipple between his teeth before looking back up into the other boy's face again. "But tonight is about you," Cater counters. "We have all the time in the world to focus on me."

It's more than that, of course. Exploring Idia's desires, drinking in his reactions to all these new stimuli, he finds it all so incredibly erotic. "Besides, I feel like I'm relearning everything as we go." Tickling Idia's stomach with his fingertips he admits, "being with you, being in love with someone, it changes all of it."

Idia's stomach jumps under Cater's fingertips, the ghost of a ticklish giggle held back behind tightly smiling lips. But more than the tickling, his smile comes from knowing the effect he's had on his boyfriend's outlook. There's a light in Cater's eyes that wasn't there when this all started. Even then, part of Idia recognized it as the same dimness that was the greatest factor driving him to rip out the mirrors in his room. There was little difference in that dimness from the lifelessness of a corpse. Cater's eyes look alive now, his smiles reach his eyes.

"So is this almost like a new first time for you?" The thought of that, even if Cater isn't an actual virgin, sends a wave of contentment through Idia. Someone else might've gotten Cater's virginity, but Idia gets the times that truly matter. His fingers toy with the wisps of hair at the nape of his boyfriend's neck, satisfaction coiling in his chest at that thought. He's Cater's first true love. "That makes me happy. For everything you're giving me, I want to give you something you've never had before in return, so this is good."

"I guess it kind of is," Cater agrees. He's definitely glad he has experience--it's made so much of this go way more smoothly than it likely would have otherwise, but at the same time being able to share with Idia a part of him that no one else has had, will ever have? It makes his whole body feel warm. Even though his boyfriend is the one with the lower body temperature, he's not used to feeling this way, like a match has been lit inside of him and he's constantly excited for what's to come. The daily haze of going through life from the inside of a shell has opened up into something bright and colorful and exciting. Who knew living could feel like this?

"But you know you've already done that, right?" His first sexual encounters aside, all of this has been uncharted territory. "My first boyfriend, my first love, the first person I've trusted my true self to..."

Cater closes his eyes as he lists off these important, wonderful firsts, breathing in a deep, soothing sigh. Idia's fingers feel so good at the back of his neck, and he knows they'll feel even better when they're gripping at his scalp again.

“Your first and hopefully your last, right?” Idia murmurs idly. It’s hope, he’s telling himself, not a curse to condemn Cater to years of a worse kind of loneliness, the kind that comes after losing pure happiness with another person. He would never want that for his beloved. He hates that his pessimistic nature even dares to pull that thought from the depths in this moment. “I know you’re my first and last, too.”

His fingers continue their idle fiddling in Cater’s hair. The lull in their start toward a second significant round of lovemaking feels poignant somehow, a breath before the drenching summer storm after a drought. Despite his lingering fears, Idia feels at peace here in Cater’s arms. He wants to feel his boyfriend around him, shuddering in ecstasy, but this is as vital as any of that passionate, reckless abandon. Even when his body is pulled taut by desire, his heart remains so very soft for Cater.

"Most definitely my last," is his answer. If it weren't such a special moment, he might have made a teasing remark along the lines of unless you plan on dumping me. Right now, though, he feels serious. Cater looks up into Idia's eyes to drive the point home. He hadn't ever wanted anyone else the way he wanted Idia. Had been so afraid of ever having a love like this only to lose it. If he ever did lose it...well, there's no way he'd try again. He didn't know what he'd do with himself. "You're the love of my life, Idia Shroud."

He's ready to say it every single day and then some to help assuage those lingering doubts.

Idia has to blink away happy tears gathering at his waterlines. Between Cater's sincere words and that look in his eyes, the Housewarden's heart is so full. He wants to hug his boyfriend but with Cater's face hovering at chest level, all he'll do is smother the other boy against his torso. So he simply kisses the top of Cater's head again and again. "I'm sorry I made you wait so long. I don't know how you could stand it. But I want to make up for everything, okay? All my key items are marked for you. I want you to have the next one in the list."

His virginity, his heart, his soul... hell, if Cater asked for his life, Idia would give it without hesitation. The longer they're together, the more he's sure he has no regrets letting Cater in, even if it could mean a broken heart after graduation. If the only key item he gets to take to the end of his story is a happy memory? He'll cherish it forever. But Cater deserves so much more than just a memory, he deserves a happy life for the rest of his days.

Kissing Idia's chest once more, Cater draws himself up onto his knees, staring down at the blue-haired beauty with warm eyes. "No more apologies," he decides; they've shared more than enough of them to smooth over the rocky couple of years as classmates. Pulling open his own robe and shrugging it off of his shoulders so it pools around his waist, Cater reaches around to find Idia's cock and brush his fingertips teasingly across it. "I'm more than ready to get you all hot and bothered again."

Idia sighs shakily at the touch and shifts his hips, an inviting smile on his lips. His gaze wanders over Cater's body, hungry. He sits up so he can work his robe out from beneath him, tossing it aside so it will remain clean for later. While upright he steals a chaste but lingering kiss from his boyfriend's lips. "I'm more than ready, too."

How does Cater plan to do this? Idia's imagination runs wild with ideas, all of which set his heart racing. He can't wait to see his boyfriend's handsome face wracked with pleasure. Will the sounds he makes change from when he topped Idia? The Housewarden can already feel the first renewed stirrings of desire twitch through him, heat creeping through his face and chest.

This is such a good look on Idia. The budding excitement, quiet anticipation. Not quite pleasured but body waking and interested. To be fair, though, he's finding that he loves every expression that Idia makes. Each one inspires something in him: the want to give him more and more, the thirst to drink him in. Cater's smile grows just a little more cheeky as his touch grows more deliberate. Throwing his robe off the bed to join Idia's, he never takes his eyes off of Idia's face as he curls his fingers around his boyfriend's stiffening member, tugging it with a slow, demanding sort of insistence.

"You looking at me like that makes me so hard," he confesses--and being fully exposed on top of him, Idia can definitely see the truth in the sentiment. Cater's dick is clearly beginning to swell with eagerness, a pleasant shiver passing through him from those golden eyes scouring his body.

Idia lets his neck arch, a low noise rumbling in the back of his throat as Cater strokes him. His hips twitch upward with every tug, first barely moving but then starting to roll as he swells in Cater's grip. His eyes go half-lidded, hungry, breathy sounds shivering from his lips. Maybe it's selfish to add to his own pleasure, but Idia finds himself skimming cool fingertips across his chest, shuddering as he bumps a nipple. He's never toyed with them before, but it seems to make his boyfriend's caresses feel all the more intense. Before he can think about it, he lightly pinches the little nub, sending a quick shock from his chest to his groin. His hips lift off the bed and his mouth drops open in a startled moan.

Cater has ruined him, how will he ever be able to focus on engineering again now that he's felt this? His free hand reaches down to close around his boyfriend's cock, stroking in time with Cater's movements despite the awkward angle. "You're... so perfect...," he whines, "Everything about you... how did I get so lucky...?"

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