Well, that tactic worked way better than he expected. Maybe too well, in fact, as he goes totally sprawling. Cater lets out a yelp of surprise as Idia uses all of his gangly strength to take him down and trap him.
Partially because he might’ve bumped his head a bit on the ground and is therefore halfway dazed, Cater doesn’t try to escape him right away, staring up wide-eyed into those big golden eyes—-like the coins meant to help one pay the boatman on the way to the afterlife.
“Wh—-you think I’d do something like that? Harsh! Tell me how you really feel, why don’t you?” Sure, he’s constantly on Magicam but no way he’d stoop so low. “I’m not trying to bully you! I read the hentai too, didn’t I? I don’t think it’s weird at all!”
It's to be expected with these idiots interacting!
"I... I don't know, I'm not an extrovert or an influencer or... or... whatever normies do now! I'm an otaku/technomantic engineer dual class with the specs to match, this isn't one of my skill sets!"
He goes back to hiding his face in his hands, still planted on Cater's groin. His voice drops back to a more normal pitch and volume, though he still sounds distraught. "I really didn't know it was that... I-- I mean... I thought the one chara was his twin sister but then I saw it was the brother with the other guy and I'd never seen... I'm not... I...."
Oh my god. He…he’s totally a total virgin. Like 100%, probably hasn’t even held another person’s hand before level virgin isn’t he. In retrospect, Cater should’ve probably taken all the signs into consideration but it just seemed so unlikely. Maybe if he were a freshman or even possibly a sophomore…
Idia is clearly beyond mortified, and Cater feels quieter than he’s ever been before. Aside from feeling guilty he also feels…somehow charmed to know something this personal about his classmate. Later, it’ll likely trigger his instinct to run, but for now his own issues aren’t remotely on his mind.
“Idia, it’s okay,” Cater finally says when he passes the lump in his throat. “You are okay. Look at me.”
He sits up onto his elbows, a little nervous to sit up any more fully. His face, for once, is serious. “I’m not here to judge you.”
Idia falters, a quiet noise of distress not completely muffled by his hands. He can't see Cater's face, but his voice... he's never heard the redhead sound so serious. Cater Diamond, being serious and not the least bit capricious? Idia doesn't have the RAM to process that and there's no upgrading himself the way he can upgrade Ortho.
He should've gotten rid of that doujinshi (the artwork is so beautiful), it's not worth the trouble (it was so expensive), he couldn't stop blushing the one time he read the second half (he's never "played solo" after reading hentai before). He doesn't care about the meat sack that carries around his brain, his mind is what matters and what his mind wants it gets, but that one time his body and brain both wanted the same thing... he wanted to forget and now Cater's reminded him.
Idia's hands fall from his face, his eyes downcast and a little too damp. His face is splotchy red, his ears burning and more than the tips of his hair mingled pink and green, like flowers blooming out of a mountain lake. That thin sapphire lower lip trembles.
Cater’s always admired Idia’s hair. The way it flows and flickers, no split ends or cosmetics needed. And all these new colors he’s never seen, between last time and this time, it’s really all more beautiful than he could’ve imagined. The tears though, it’s hard to look at anything else and truly appreciate it.
Cater isn’t good at this. For his friendliness and easy approachability, he’s never let himself be the person someone can come to when they need a shoulder to cry on. He’s made sure of it. This is the last thing he could’ve expected. The last thing he could’ve prepared for. So when he instinctively lifts a hand to tenderly wipe the tears from Idia’s flushed cheeks, he feels clumsy. Is this even the right thing to do? This is usually the part where he’d say something silly, but that would be so wildly in appropriate he doesn’t trust himself to open his mouth.
At the touch of Cater's fingers, Idia flinches slightly but doesn't pull away. He closes his eyes, clearly miserable and burning with shame he doesn't fully understand. Feelings are horrible. They're illogical and messy and interfering and he's lived for so long crushed under the weight of so many negative ones, what's one more in the pile? He's forgotten what it means to be happy, forgotten that he ever deserved it. For what he's done, to his classmates... to his brother... he deserves misery. He'd tried to pretend otherwise but now he remembers that hubris has been his downfall before. Here he pays for that afternoon gaming with his classmates, laughing and finding the company of others to be just the slightest bit enjoyable.
He paws blindly for his dropped bag, digging out his tablet. Muscle memory alone lets him type into the text to speech app, the flat voice carrying none of the weight of the words.
Cater takes his hand back, wringing it as he slowly sits up the rest of the way. It puts them maybe a little too close, but he doesn’t dare push Idia away, not right now. When the tablet comes out, his guilt over the situation compounds.
“No, I’m the one who needs to apologize,” he finally says.
Way to go, Cay Cay. Vil would’ve found some graceful way to handle this. That’s why you’ll never be more than a second-rate Magicammer. Inexplicably, he lets out a fake, high pitched laugh.
“I’m really some kind of stupid clown, huh? Cracking all these jokes when you just want me to leave you alone. Aaaah, I’m sorry! I didn’t consider your feelings at all!” If he says it and sticks his tongue out like he’s just some big idiot, it’s not getting too real, right? It’s the best way Cater can think of to pull away without potentially making things worse. But even now, he’s not feeling all that confident.
Idia shakes his head slowly. He's not sobbing or anything, the corners of his eyes staying damp but not rolling down his cheeks. Pink still flickers through his hair, though the green is fading a bit.
[is ok. curious. horny teenage boi. pages stuck together? have spade drop cauldron on you.]
Is he teasing or serious? Who knows with Idia being in a weird mood. At least he finally scoots off of Cater to sit on the floor with his back against his bed, cradling the tablet in his hands.
It feels as if he’s walking a tightrope. One false step and they’re going to go tumbling. Even now he can feel himself wobbling, trying to regain balance. With his legs free, Cater pulls his knees up to his chest. His smile wavers awkwardly, and he knows he’s struggling to keep that mask on.
“No, of course not,” he says in more of a normal tone. “There’s nothing about you that I think is gross.”
Sighing, Idia fiddles with the edges of the tablet, obviously thinking. Having Cater in his room is weird, but having this Cater in his room is even weirder. He can't remember ever experiencing the other boy acting like this, not for more than a few seconds anyway. His fingers fly over the touchscreen again.
[u r acting diff. u didnt c me overblot. did u know? y u r being nice now? scared?]
There has to be a reason for this change. He wants to know.
Staring at the floor in front of Idia’s feet, Cater frowns—but then blinks in clear shock as Idia’s words sink in. He heard a bit about what had happened, but none of the people who had left for the Island of Woe had really given any details. It was kind of miserable. All this intel from campus but none of the actual plot!
“Wait, you overblotted? For realz?” He sounds clearly at a loss, but there’s no fear in his expression. “No wonder you’ve been so exhausted. Have you even given yourself a real chance to rest?”
Idia shrugs. He'll never forget that feeling, the sickening rush of power combined with the sucking void of the blot draining him. He was a candle that became a wildfire, but with too little fuel to burn. Worse that he'd welcomed burning out, before the others saved him from himself.
How does he explain the nightmares to Cater? Does he even want to? It's not like he deserves pity, he knew what he was doing when he overblotted.
[yes 4 realz. and dont really rest normally. old programming. not changing now. always tired.]
“Then you really didn’t learn anything at all, did you?” He thinks about Riddle—how unhappy he’d been making everyone, but more than that how close he was to really hurting someone in a way he’d never be able to take back. But more importantly, how much Riddle had learned from the experience.
It’s not anger or frustration. It’s hard, exactly, to put it into words.
“You’re…you’re Idia Shroud! You’re a technological genius! Probably the most brilliant magical engineer that’s ever lived and you’re telling me that you wouldn’t identify an outdated piece of software and upgrade it?” He huffs, well aware that he’s getting way more worked up than he has any real right to.
Now Idia looks up at him, confused. Why is Cater getting worked up over his depression? He's lived with it for years, it's nothing new. Maybe he feels a little better, but there's some things even a revelation can't overcome.
[machine n brain r diff. can program one not the other. y machines r better. not messy. better now tho. dont want 2 die.]
Well, that's a rather blunt admission. For all that Idia flustered over sexuality, he drops that rather heavy bomb without the slightest shred of shame.
Projecting, much? Maybe. But that confession really pops him like an over-inflates balloon. Cater’s face is stuck in a state of stunned disbelief. “You wanted to die?”
Another shrug. It's a simple fact that replaced another simple fact: he wanted to die, and now he doesn't. Everything else is superfluous detail, built around the memory of his brother.
How can he say something like that so casually? If it were him…
No, no, he’s not going to even let himself think about it. That’s a path he can see himself sliding down far too quickly. Better to stay distracted. His head throbs. He pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Well, I’m glad to hear it. I’m glad you’re still here.” Not to mention that it is absolutely important, but what kind of hypocrite would he be I’d he tried to force Idia to talk about it? And how would he even explain his own feelings on the matter when he has no particularly good explanation? I care because it would be shitty not to?
Why does it matter to Cater if Idia is still alive? Idia's not his housewarden or a fellow Heartslabyul. They barely know each other. Surely there are other people Cater would miss more. Or is it guilt motivating these words, wanting Idia to live simply because death is awkward for the living?
Idia has dealt with death his entire life. He's caused it.
But he doesn't ask.
[thx]
He scoots toward the closest bookshelf, glancing it over before pulling a volume out. A bit more wriggling and he's sitting close enough to pass the paperback to Cater. It's a sci-fi manga, with a group of teenagers flying across the galaxy in a spaceship made out of an amusement ride.
Cater takes the comic without thinking, looking it over quietly. Ha. So maybe this wasn’t a total disaster, after all. He really has no idea how to read the Shroud at all.
“You sure? Bringing it back involves talking to me again, you know.”
With a little snort, Idia gets to his feet so he can sit on the bed. His legs are going to sleep again and that's the last thing he wants after last time.
[already talked 2 much. been in my room 2 times. guess its no big deal.]
Once again, Cater has sapped his energy. So much for doing a raid tonight. He needs to message the guild before he conks out. But somehow, Idia's not that mad about it. Maybe a little annoyed, but not pissed.
You know what? Cater has been given an out and he's taking it. With a somewhat disbelieving chuckle, he stands and stretches. "Talk about a UR event, right?" He looks at the book again, reading the back synopsis, and picks up his abandoned textbook. When he's standing straight again, he's managed to put his mask back on.
"Well, I'll be sure to give you my full review next time! TTYL, Idia!" Even Cater needs to decompress from this social outing. He's been given a lot to think about. Heading to the door, he stops as it slides open. "Oh, by the way, I pulled the limited SSR. Like totes last minute, hella clutch! Just in case you were wondering."
Idia looks up, blinking. Suddenly there's a flash of sharp teeth past those blue lips as they curl into a grin. One hand flashes a V sign while the other types into the app.
[my awesome gacha luck rubbed off on u. grats.]
It's weird, but he feels a little off at Cater leaving his room. He's not about to ask him to stay, though.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
This icon is getting so much mileage
Partially because he might’ve bumped his head a bit on the ground and is therefore halfway dazed, Cater doesn’t try to escape him right away, staring up wide-eyed into those big golden eyes—-like the coins meant to help one pay the boatman on the way to the afterlife.
“Wh—-you think I’d do something like that? Harsh! Tell me how you really feel, why don’t you?” Sure, he’s constantly on Magicam but no way he’d stoop so low. “I’m not trying to bully you! I read the hentai too, didn’t I? I don’t think it’s weird at all!”
It's to be expected with these idiots interacting!
He goes back to hiding his face in his hands, still planted on Cater's groin. His voice drops back to a more normal pitch and volume, though he still sounds distraught. "I really didn't know it was that... I-- I mean... I thought the one chara was his twin sister but then I saw it was the brother with the other guy and I'd never seen... I'm not... I...."
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Idia is clearly beyond mortified, and Cater feels quieter than he’s ever been before. Aside from feeling guilty he also feels…somehow charmed to know something this personal about his classmate. Later, it’ll likely trigger his instinct to run, but for now his own issues aren’t remotely on his mind.
“Idia, it’s okay,” Cater finally says when he passes the lump in his throat. “You are okay. Look at me.”
He sits up onto his elbows, a little nervous to sit up any more fully. His face, for once, is serious. “I’m not here to judge you.”
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He should've gotten rid of that doujinshi (the artwork is so beautiful), it's not worth the trouble (it was so expensive), he couldn't stop blushing the one time he read the second half (he's never "played solo" after reading hentai before). He doesn't care about the meat sack that carries around his brain, his mind is what matters and what his mind wants it gets, but that one time his body and brain both wanted the same thing... he wanted to forget and now Cater's reminded him.
Idia's hands fall from his face, his eyes downcast and a little too damp. His face is splotchy red, his ears burning and more than the tips of his hair mingled pink and green, like flowers blooming out of a mountain lake. That thin sapphire lower lip trembles.
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Cater isn’t good at this. For his friendliness and easy approachability, he’s never let himself be the person someone can come to when they need a shoulder to cry on. He’s made sure of it. This is the last thing he could’ve expected. The last thing he could’ve prepared for. So when he instinctively lifts a hand to tenderly wipe the tears from Idia’s flushed cheeks, he feels clumsy. Is this even the right thing to do? This is usually the part where he’d say something silly, but that would be so wildly in appropriate he doesn’t trust himself to open his mouth.
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Apparently Overblotting doesn't cure depression. Oh well.
He paws blindly for his dropped bag, digging out his tablet. Muscle memory alone lets him type into the text to speech app, the flat voice carrying none of the weight of the words.
[sorry u shouldnt have 2 put up w/this]
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“No, I’m the one who needs to apologize,” he finally says.
Way to go, Cay Cay. Vil would’ve found some graceful way to handle this. That’s why you’ll never be more than a second-rate Magicammer. Inexplicably, he lets out a fake, high pitched laugh.
“I’m really some kind of stupid clown, huh? Cracking all these jokes when you just want me to leave you alone. Aaaah, I’m sorry! I didn’t consider your feelings at all!” If he says it and sticks his tongue out like he’s just some big idiot, it’s not getting too real, right? It’s the best way Cater can think of to pull away without potentially making things worse. But even now, he’s not feeling all that confident.
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[is ok. curious. horny teenage boi. pages stuck together? have spade drop cauldron on you.]
Is he teasing or serious? Who knows with Idia being in a weird mood. At least he finally scoots off of Cater to sit on the floor with his back against his bed, cradling the tablet in his hands.
[not grossed out?]
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“No, of course not,” he says in more of a normal tone. “There’s nothing about you that I think is gross.”
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[u r acting diff. u didnt c me overblot. did u know? y u r being nice now? scared?]
There has to be a reason for this change. He wants to know.
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“Wait, you overblotted? For realz?” He sounds clearly at a loss, but there’s no fear in his expression. “No wonder you’ve been so exhausted. Have you even given yourself a real chance to rest?”
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How does he explain the nightmares to Cater? Does he even want to? It's not like he deserves pity, he knew what he was doing when he overblotted.
[yes 4 realz. and dont really rest normally. old programming. not changing now. always tired.]
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It’s not anger or frustration. It’s hard, exactly, to put it into words.
“You’re…you’re Idia Shroud! You’re a technological genius! Probably the most brilliant magical engineer that’s ever lived and you’re telling me that you wouldn’t identify an outdated piece of software and upgrade it?” He huffs, well aware that he’s getting way more worked up than he has any real right to.
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[machine n brain r diff. can program one not the other. y machines r better. not messy. better now tho. dont want 2 die.]
Well, that's a rather blunt admission. For all that Idia flustered over sexuality, he drops that rather heavy bomb without the slightest shred of shame.
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[not n e more. not important now. still alive.]
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No, no, he’s not going to even let himself think about it. That’s a path he can see himself sliding down far too quickly. Better to stay distracted. His head throbs. He pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Well, I’m glad to hear it. I’m glad you’re still here.” Not to mention that it is absolutely important, but what kind of hypocrite would he be I’d he tried to force Idia to talk about it? And how would he even explain his own feelings on the matter when he has no particularly good explanation? I care because it would be shitty not to?
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Why does it matter to Cater if Idia is still alive? Idia's not his housewarden or a fellow Heartslabyul. They barely know each other. Surely there are other people Cater would miss more. Or is it guilt motivating these words, wanting Idia to live simply because death is awkward for the living?
Idia has dealt with death his entire life. He's caused it.
But he doesn't ask.
[thx]
He scoots toward the closest bookshelf, glancing it over before pulling a volume out. A bit more wriggling and he's sitting close enough to pass the paperback to Cater. It's a sci-fi manga, with a group of teenagers flying across the galaxy in a spaceship made out of an amusement ride.
[good 1. bring it back l8r.]
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“You sure? Bringing it back involves talking to me again, you know.”
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[already talked 2 much. been in my room 2 times. guess its no big deal.]
Once again, Cater has sapped his energy. So much for doing a raid tonight. He needs to message the guild before he conks out. But somehow, Idia's not that mad about it. Maybe a little annoyed, but not pissed.
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"Well, I'll be sure to give you my full review next time! TTYL, Idia!" Even Cater needs to decompress from this social outing. He's been given a lot to think about. Heading to the door, he stops as it slides open. "Oh, by the way, I pulled the limited SSR. Like totes last minute, hella clutch! Just in case you were wondering."
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[my awesome gacha luck rubbed off on u. grats.]
It's weird, but he feels a little off at Cater leaving his room. He's not about to ask him to stay, though.
[ttyl. good sleep l8r.]