[Despite the strained start to the morning, Cater goes through classes feeling energetic. There's a pep to his step that isn't normally there, though most people won't notice anything really different about him as he goes around snapping selfies and chatting up his classmates. By the end of the day, he's definitely running low on his social battery, and as he temporarily forgets what he promised to Vil, he makes his way into the Heartslabyul kitchen where he's sure his favorite dormmate will be.]
Aaaah, Trey, what a day! What's for dinner?
[You know, because obviously his food sounds way better than anything at the cafeteria right now. And he's so cute, why wouldn't Trey want to cook for him? Cater gives his best innocent face, poising his face in his hands as he leans across the kitchen counter.]
How about something invigoratingly spicy for the most adorable roommate ever?
To see that smile so much less forced than usual was a surprise indeed. A surprise and... hm. Maybe a touch concerning? Trey can't help but worry over things, and, well... He just hopes it isn't a fluke, is all.
When Cater comes in, he gives an amused huff.]
Sounds like you had an interesting morning.
[Trey keeps an eye out, and he'd noticed the teen hadn't seemed all that different upon first waking up... but once classes begun, it was as if a weight had lifted off his shoulders.
The request gets some raised eyebrows.]
You're also technically the least adorable roommate ever.
[He hums thoughtfully, a coy look coming to his face.]
I might be willing to make you something... if you tell me what's got you in such high spirits.
[Cater's smile freezes in place. Of course Trey would pinpoint exactly what's going on. Not even today, but this morning he says! He whines.]
You're so cruel, Trey, holding your culinary skills over my head like that...!
[Just like that, he remembers Vil's request. He said he'd think about it, promised he'd try, and he didn't really mean to do so within 24 hours...instinctively, Cater starts to retreat mentally. Maybe he can get away with keeping things at least somewhat casual.]
So unfair, trying to make me kiss and tell.
[At least that'll give Trey an answer without actually getting real about it.]
[Cater can't help his face from starting to color as he remembers Vil's lips against his. He looks away, straightening up as he runs a hand through his hair.]
It's not like I don't trust you or anything, but it's kind of, you know...
[Cater glances around, really triple-checking that nobody's in earshot.]
Peoples' reputations might be at stake? Certain famous people?
[It's not like Trey said Vil's name or anything, but Cater still frantically waves his hands in a downward motion. He absolutely does not want anyone else getting curious and coming in to ask for the deets on the commotion.]
Okay yeah so he's out of my league and all that but maybe tone it down on the disbelief and spare my feelings, man!
[The shock quickly fades, and he gives a sigh, hand coming up to his head.]
It's not that.
[Actually, now that he thinks about it, it is the most logical option. Cater had been too comfortable with Vil to have merely been neighborhood acquaintances. He could only speculate how much more.
[This absolute brat. Cater sputters, face going even redder. Calling it like he sees it is somehow way worse than the shocked reaction.]
Okay, so we were pretty close before I moved away.
[But not like Cater ever expected that his feelings for Vil were mutual. This was honestly the kind of scenario that he'd expect from a high school romantic comedy, which is definitely not what his life is.]
But seriously, we were just kids back then. It's been, like, a decade since I'd seen him and we didn't have any contact at all between that time.
[Aside from Cater basically e-stalking him and Vil definitely knowing that he was basically e-stalking him.]
[Although his face is still pink, Cater loses some of the tension from his frame as he plops into a stool. He can't really be all that upset when he is happy about how things had panned out this morning. And Trey's supportive, even if he likes to give him a hard time.]
That sounds good!
[A nice savory dish that he can demolish with hot sauce. Watching as Trey starts to get to work, he pauses, considering his options. It would be so easy to just leave things at that. He was in a good mood because he was kissed by Vil Schoenheit. And then kissed Vil Schoenheit. Shared kisses with Vil Schoenheit.
It's so, so tempting to change the subject into something completely innocuous that he saw on Magicam. His phone is already in his hand again. If he gives in to that safety net, though, fires up his defenses, will he have the courage to take them back down again? Cater's not so sure that he will. So, the phone gets stashed into a pocket as Cater braces himself.]
Actually, things started off pretty rough this morning. I almost came back to the dorm to hide and skip out on all my classes. Nobody would've known the difference between me and one of my split cards.
[As Trey gets out the ingredients, he can't help but mull things over in his head. The reason the proclamation had startled him so thoroughly was because... Cater. Cater, who hid underneath his masks, who was terrified of rejection... taking a chance with his old childhood friend? Trey was sure he'd be afraid of rocking the boat.
Then Cater speaks up, and Trey full-on freezes in his movements, back to him. Had he heard correctly? In all their years, for all of Trey's jibing, Cater had never actually talked to him about anything remotely like this. Sure, they had some meaningful conversations, but this was... different.
After a moment, Trey starts moving again to prepare the food. He keeps his voice fairly calm and casual like Cater hasn't turned his world upside-down twice in a matter of minutes.]
...heh, that's true.
[A white lie. Trey knew. He just pretended to never notice.]
[Cater feels his hands start to sweat as he waits for any kind of reaction to what he knows is a completely out-of-character statement. Vocally out-of-character, at least. He sees the way Trey looks at him sometimes, with eyes that silently tell him what you're saying isn't true, is it? when he laughs over something that he says isn't a big deal when it really is a big deal. When someone or something upsets him, but he pretends it's all cool. Always happy, never serious.
All the times he and Trey have been level with each other, it's never been about himself. The second he was the center of attention, Cater went back to that place where nobody could get too close or know too much. But now, inexplicably, he shares.]
I was riding pretty high on being kissed, for one thing.
[His voice evens out.]
But more than that, he asked me not to make him the only person I let in. I thought running away would be a bad way to start. It would've made things a lot harder for me, and it's already pretty hard as it is.
[Cater takes a breath, then, hands clenching and unclenching before he shoves them under the counter and against his legs.]
[A light, amused sound at the first part, before he falls silent again. Tossing all the ingredients together and getting it going. Finishing off what he had going before. His expression remains fairly neutral, but he's keyed in to what Cater's saying the whole time.
After everything's set to be on its own, he stops for a moment. Vil did, huh? That makes sense. Cater never would've opened up to him on his own otherwise.
This is... a lot more than he'd ever expected.
After gathering himself together, he turns around and walks over to Cater, gaze softened. He reaches out, putting a hand on his shoulder.]
What you're doing takes a lot of courage, you know.
...heh. You've always seen right through me--I'm really no match for you.
[Proud of him, huh? Damn it. How could he steamroll over his expectations so easily? How can he be so nice to him when he's been so fake and so cold and so unwilling to actually be a good friend? Cater ducks his head as Trey's gentleness and understanding threatens to completely rupture him. His throat clenches shut and he tries to gulp past it.
How can you say that when I'm such a coward? I don't want to do this. I never wanted to do this.]
I never thought...
[Each sentiment is harder than the last one. He knows if he isn't careful, he'll just spill everything out at once and he doesn't want to just dump all of his dark thoughts all over his friend.]
I never thought I'd see you again. It was always like that. Every time I got comfortable with someone, I had to leave. The better of friends I am with someone, the worse it is. High School graduation was supposed to be the last time I ever saw you, but we're here together and I can't help how attached I'm getting, but even this has a deadline. Once we're in our senior year, we won't be here anymore. We'll have festivals and then what? It haunts me. I think about it every single day. I think if I slip up, if I'm not careful, someone's going to get too close and I'm going to let it happen, and the fallout is going to be devastating.
[He should've known. He was already feeling fragile. Of course he wouldn't be able to stop himself.]
You shouldn't be proud of me, Trey. I still don't think this is a good idea, because I want it so badly.
[Trey stays there, and his hand drifts to Cater's upper back, slowly rubbing as everything comes spilling out. His expression is somber and unchanging, eyes resting on the counter.
He lets out a small sigh at the end. That's... incredibly heavy. He'd always had a suspicion what was going on in Cater's mind, but never had this clear a picture. A lot of things make sense, now.]
Sounds like you have a lot of experience with abandonment.
[It's a quiet comment as he stews over what all he heard.
Finally, he goes with:]
I know this might be difficult to believe, but you aren't someone who I've just tolerated through high school and into college. You're my friend, and I care about you.
It wasn't ever as if I was just going to forget about you. Even if we both hadn't ended up here, I still had full intention of keeping in contact.
But... I guess I still didn't do it often enough to have you think otherwise.
[If there was anything he could have done, really. Cater seems to be fully immersed in this story where he's always alone. Besides being a self-fulfilling prophecy, any genuine attempts at connection are less likely to be noticed. Easier to doubt.]
[Cater shakes his head. He feels on the precipice of a panic attack, but Trey's comforting hand on his back keeps him from tipping over all the way. Still, his breathing is strained. Sometimes, it really feels like he's back against a door, trying to keep all of this in when he's slamming into him full force, trying to get in, and his feet are giving out underneath him.]
No, no, it isn't you. I've been running away. I started running away before we met.
[After losing Vil. It had always hurt, losing friends. But that one had been too much. He just wanted someone to be there with him, but how could he trust that he could stay?]
If we weren't here and you'd messaged me, I'd probably have blown you off until you stopped trying.
[Even being plain now, even being told that he matters, he still feels like he needs to run away. He believes Trey, and he believes Vil, but that's the problem. That's what's so scary.]
I can't help thinking that no matter what either of us do, something's going to happen that's completely outside of our control. I can't shut out that voice.
[Trey can tell this is really taking a toll on him. And this... is definitely something he needs some professional help for. But that would have to come later. He was starting to take small steps in the right direction, and he had to expand his comfort zone by quite a bit before seeing a stranger for help was even in the cards.]
Deep, slow breaths, Cater.
[The rubbing of his back has slowed even more, his voice lowering, everything to emanate calm for his friend.]
Why don't you head to our room and lay down for a bit? I'll be there with food in about fifteen minutes.
[Gulping, Cater nods. He takes a moment just to breathe before he's able to properly respond.]
Yeah...yeah I should probably do that. Sorry--I didn't mean to get so intense all of a sudden.
[Stupid, pathetic, weak idiot, he chides himself. Look at you, making everyone uncomfortable. This is what happens when you're honest. Cater still has to take another minute, but then he stands. Just in case he runs into anyone else on the way to their room, he needs to slap his mask back on.]
And, uh...thanks. I really appreciate this. [A beat, and then he clarifies.] I mean you. I really appreciate you.
Hey... don't apologize for that. You're going through a lot. It's only natural that you're overwhelmed.
[Trey stays there with him, slowly rubbing his back the entire time.
He's worried for him, but... he's relieved, too. Now, he had at least two people to help him battle the demons in his head. It would take time, but this is incredible progress all the same.
He gives him a reassuring smile as he stands. The words have his smile warming.]
Of course. You sharing all of this means a lot to me.
[A light pat to the back.]
And when I come to the room, I'm happy to go at whatever pace works best for you.
[His hand slides back up to his shoulder and gives a reaffirming squeeze before finally withdrawing, and Trey walks back to the stove to tend to the food.]
[Finally, Cater manages a smile. It's small and exhausted, but there's nothing plastic about it. This is Cater Diamond, really: lonely, tired, and broken. It's difficult through the cracks in the walls of his self-isolation, but he's starting to see that he is seen.
That for as scary as it is, maybe it's worth the risk to reach out and take the hands offered to him. Maybe they'll keep him from falling.]
Okay--that sounds good to me.
[He watches Trey get back to work for a long few seconds before retreating up to their room, where he can slip out of his shoes and fall hard onto his mattress face-first. Undoing his hair with one hand and flinging the bobby pins somewhere absently in the direction of his nightstand, Cater screams into his pillow.]
[Trey's mind is a whirlwind as he cooks, rinses the dishes and packages and serves the food.
He wouldn't tell a soul, of course. He wouldn't let anyone know anything had passed between them, and let nothing seem different in their interactions. He knew that persona was Cater's desperately needed safe space, and too many people catching on too soon was bound to spell disaster.
And he'd have to let Cater know as such, too. He didn't want his acting as if nothing had changed to come off the wrong way. He knew there was only so much he could do to ease such a distressed mind, but the least he could do was try his best.
So roughly about fifteen minutes later, he knocks, announces himself, then comes in with two servings of chili for the both of them.
Naturally, he grabbed the hot sauce for Cater, and he sets that and his portion on Cater's beside table.]
[When the door opens, Cater's face-up again, browsing his phone and looking much less frazzled. He sits up, turning off his phone and putting it down.]
Yeah, definitely. I know you told me I didn't have to be sorry but I can't help feeling a little bad. I really went from 0 to 100 on you.
[The smell of fresh food reminds him just how hungry he is and he reaches for the bowl and hot sauce, thankful for Trey all over again.]
Aahhh, this smells so good! You're the best, Trey--thanks for dinner!
[Even though the tone's the most lighthearted he's sounded since earlier, the eagerness in which he digs in once he's thoroughly spiced his chili is evidence enough that he's not just putting on airs.]
It really is fine, Cater. [There's a lightly amused look on his face. Nothing about him suggests he was genuinely bothered by the outburst.] It's not like you were holding me there at gunpoint.
[Trey's not a person whose friendships are based on obligation. And Trey will keep repeating these sentiments as many times as the teen needs for him to really, truly begin to believe that.
His smile brightens as Cater perks up at the food, and he walks over to his bed, taking a seat. The question gets a chuckle.]
Lots of practice, mainly. It helps when food's a pretty central part of your family.
—geeze, slow down a bit or you're going to choke. If you're that hungry, just focus on eating.
[Okay he'll swallow and let out a happy breath before he keeps talking, because he knows his manners.]
Two emotional breakdowns in the span of roughly 12 hours takes a lot out of a person. This chili is healing me.
[The fact that it was made by Trey is really all that matters. It could've tasted like anything and just sharing it with his friend fills him with a warmth beyond the temperature of the food itself.]
[Poor guy. Just the one with Trey had seemed like it could take someone out for the rest of the day. And he had two? No wonder he wanted to just retreat to the dorm.
He takes a bite of his own, and, after swallowing, he says:]
You know, it might not be a bad idea to give yourself a sick day tomorrow. You've been through a lot, and taking days off for mental health is both becoming more common and encouraged.
[Cater can't help his mind going to thoughts of will people wonder why I'm not in class? And especially since he had such an important moment with Vil this morning, would he be worried not seeing him around?]
I think I'll see how I feel in the morning. See if I get enough sleep to feel grounded.
[It's progress, at least. He isn't blowing off the idea. His doubts have the wheel but he's pushing down on the breaks.]
[He's slowing down with eating now, and hugs around one of his pillow as he stirs what's left of his food. Trey's words hit him right in the heart, and there's nervousness there but mostly...mostly just appreciation. He really felt that way? Cater could tell there was a perception there of his inner workings but to know that there was worry...]
I struggle a lot with feeling powerless to change things--I'm sorry that I made you feel that way, too.
[Cater's not sure if anything really can be done. But from where he's sitting now, the worst of his anxiety temporarily quelled?]
More than anything, I'm just relieved.
[From now on, when it's just the two of them, he doesn't have to be someone he isn't. He had no idea that such a concept would take so much weight off of his shoulders.]
[He figured that Trey wouldn't just out him to everyone in any kind of way, but having that reassurance put into words is helpful. The people closest to him would likely be at least some manner of kind, but there are plenty of others who he's sure would talk. Both about his different attitude and about his relationship with Vil. People always talk.]
You're really a great friend.
[Probably better than he deserves, but Cater's not so selfless that he's going to turn him away now. It took him so much courage and the rallying of outside forces to get to where they are; Trey was now firmly in the inner circle.]
Hey, hey. Don't be getting all sappy on me, now. What are friends for, after all?
[He gives a little grin, then gets up, reaching to take Cater's dishes.]
Soooo... you and Mr. Lucky. [Yup, the teasing is back.] How do you plan on making this work out? People already notice the two of you hanging out together. And you know him, eyes no matter where he goes.
[A grin.]
Is this shaping up to be the beginning of a forbidden love?
First of all, pretty sure you're both lucky. Ask him yourself.
[Do it. He dares you.
There's a hum at the next part.]
Is he? Can't say I really know much about that life.
And I don't know too much about him, either, but... He comes off as the kind of guy who knows exactly what he wants, you know? Not someone who just jumps into situations without thinking.
However this might affect him, I'm pretty sure he's already considered it— and believed you were worth it.
[He gets it, Trey! The self-deprecation can stay at the door. But Vil's, like, the most incredible person ever. Cater doesn't even have to compare himself to him to think that it could cause some kind of scandal if even one picture of them holding hands or kissing got out. At least just hanging out normally, nobody can accuse them of being anything other than good friends. They could think it, but who would want to get on Vil's bad side, seriously? The guy is terrifying when he wants to be.
Which Cater thinks is totally dreamy, but that's not something Trey needs to hear.]
You're right, though. He's probably already way ahead of me. I just need to ask him how he wants to move forward from here.
[Trey's walking with Riddle back from classes, the two carrying a light conversation. Things have been going fairly well, and Cater has already shown signs of improvement. Even Riddle hasn't shown any signs of realizing anything was different... except, perhaps, for Cater's demeanor. While he didn't know him quite as well as Trey did, he'd commented that Cater did seem to be in unusually good spirits.
But the problem with celebrity romances? They're damn near impossible to keep under wraps for long.
The two come upon Cater with a few other boys. Trey and Riddle exchange glances before Trey calls out.]
Hey, Cater!
[A couple of the people confronting him look over, but Cater doesn't. And nor does he respond.
Riddle's expression hardens. Trey reaches out with a hand to touch Riddle's shoulder. Quietly, he whispers to him, then moves forward, heedless of the other boys.]
Yo, I've been looking everywhere for you. Let's get going!
Your glasses broken, four-eyes? We're in the middle of something!
[All hell had broken loose halfway through his last class. As he always did when the lecture was just too boring to stay focused through, Cater had pulled his phone from his pocket to give it a quick glance from underneath his desk. Usually he had enough time to respond to a DM or like a couple Magicam posts. But this time, something was different. His push notifications were off the charts. Countless mentions, tags, and unread new messages.
What the Hell?
It's so surprising that the obvious answer doesn't hit him, but the second he opens Magicam his stomach drops. It's all he can do not to exclaim out loud, and forgetting himself ultimately gets called out by the professor. It's the only reason Cater puts his phone away, but he spends the rest of the class agitated, his legs restless. Vil, he has to call Vil. Has to see Vil. Has to get out of here.
When the bell lets them go he's out of his seat and out the door before anyone can stop him. As much as he wants to run, he keeps himself at a brisk pace, trying to keep some manner of calm about him on his way to Heartslabyul. Of course he wouldn't be so fortunate. Cater's attention is halfway focused on his phone as he walks, so he doesn't even notice as the other boys crowd in on him. All of a sudden his path is blocked, and he's forced to stop and face them head-on.
Nothing like this has ever happened before, but it's not like he's never had to face a bully before. It's been awhile, but when it has happened (more recently when he's stepping in to help out an underclassman more than himself) he's generally able to diffuse the situation with an easy sort of charm. Right now, Cater can't think straight enough to keep himself in check. Their words and accusations sting, digging in like barbs in his weakest points.
From their distance, their conversation isn't easy to hear, and Cater's voice is low as he says something. Whatever it was, it clearly couldn't have been good, because all the bullies swing their attention directly back to Cater with a look of surprise, and then anger. One of them grabs him roughly by the front of his shirt, threatening.]
You think you're real hot shit all of a sudden, don't you?
[Things are escalating fast, but Cater doesn't make any kind of move to defend himself.]
[Riddle bodily gets in between himself and the other students, and with a deft hand, he reaches out to grab a pressure point of the student grabbing Cater, causing him to release his grip.
He isn't letting go.]
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't send you all to the infirmary and call it self-defense.
[It's enough distraction, at least, for Trey to pull Cater aside and hurriedly away from the group. And Riddle's boldly stepping in front of anyone who tries to follow.]
You're as pale as a ghost... What was that about?
[It's more Trey wondering out loud than actually asking. He doesn't really expect to get an answer.
For now, it's straight to the dorm, and to their shared room.]
[It all happens so fast that Cater barely even processes exactly what it is that happened. Riddle's voice and then Trey, and they're safe and out of the way, walking fast toward the dorm. Cater keeps his head down--he has to, his vision is tunneling and he feels on the verge of something outside of his control. He's already barely keeping it together; provoking them like that was about the worst thing he could've done. Trey's now the only thing keeping him from self-destructing. All it would take is noticing one pair of eyes in him for him to spiral. They know. They know and they hate me for it.]
Someone got a picture of Vil and I. They gave it to the press. It's everywhere.
[The sentiment is all but hissed through his teeth. He didn't have very much time to try him before getting his attention monopolized by a gaggle of pissed off fans, but if Vil doesn't pick up right away or give some other form of response, he probably isn't going to for awhile. He's torn between the urge to keep calling and not to touch his phone until he sees Vil's name pop up on the screen. Both ideas trigger a different kind of anxiety.]
I didn't think this would happen so soon!
[And of course his Magicam account was found so quickly; if the shoe was on the other foot he would've dug it up, too. He hadn't had the time to change his privacy settings. And if he did it now, would it make things worse? Like he was trying to hide?]
[Cater tries. Is trying. The problem is it feels like his throat is constricting with every step, the pathway leading them to privacy growing longer and longer. He needed Vil to be here--needed Vil to tell him it was fine, or that it wasn't fine, but that he knew what to do. Vil was always so good at holding himself, he had experience dealing with having so many eyes on him all the time.
He needed Vil to be here to tell him that he wasn't ruining his career.
At some point on their way to Heartslabyul, Cater grabs onto Trey's jacket, his fingers latching in to find some kind of physical grounding. He only lets go when he hears the door to their dorm close behind them--and not even making it to his bed, he sinks down to the floor, scrabbling for his phone as he lets his face fall and his breathing come out ragged. There's no way he could unmute it until the settings were fixed. As comments ping one after the other he looks to see if there's been anything from Vil since he last checked.]
Nothing--where is he?
[The phone falls from his hands and onto the carpet. He's not usually so careless, but...]
[By the time Trey is turning to face Cater, he's already on the floor with his phone. His brow furrows, and he kneels next to him as he fumbles the phone.]
He's probably busy with work. He might not even have heard the news yet.
[Logical reassurances, to battle the dark thoughts that are no doubt ramping up Cater's anxiety.
Gently, he coaxes him, half-grabbing and gently pulling him in the direction of the bathroom.
There's a great temptation to reassure, to comfort, but what words would be helpful right now aside from the ones he offered?
Maybe the best thing was just to wait for Cater's words, should they come, and try to offer reassurances where he could. Aside from that... maybe an emotional release was what he needed most.]
[It's a slog, getting Cater to the bathroom, but at least he cooperates as best he can when he's falling apart at the seams. Ultimately he leans against the toilet, nauseated but seemingly unable to get anything out one way or the other. He's quiet for awhile, trying to get his thoughts in order, trying not to look at his phone, trying for anything, anything.]
Things were going so well.
[Not just with Vil, but with himself. Once the worst of the fear had passed him, Cater had been settling into a new normal with him and with Trey. He'd been feeling better about himself. There was a part of him that new that whenever this happened, it was going to be hard, but...he'd sort of convinced himself that they were being so careful they'd be able to announce it on their own terms.]
I know all the things I'm thinking aren't true but I can't tune them out.
[Trey's hand rests upon Cater's back as he kneels with him, rubbing slowly up and down. It's... hard, seeing him like this. But... at least Cater is willing to show this to him. Willing to let Trey see, instead of bottling everything and repressing as he'd done so many times before.
It's hard, but Cater's processing it. That's what's important.
[Plenty. Too much. More than Trey deserves to have to put up with hearing but maybe saying it will keep him from feeling like he's drowning in it.]
That I'm bad for him. His social standing is going to go down and it'll be my fault. That nobody is going to approve of me. That he's going to realize I'm way more trouble than I'm worth. And that's to say nothing about the way I look.
[People on the Internet sure are vicious. He knew it already but oof, this is a new level. Cater's gotten the odd mean comment here or there but he's never had such outright, vitriolic hate sent in his direction.]
I've never had anyone tell me they wish I was dead, before. Not sure I know what to do with how that feels.
[What a hellish landscape Cater's mind is. Latching onto all of these terrible thoughts and unable to let go. How often does Cater think about these things on a regular basis? How often does he have to fight all that off?
The latter comments have his blood boiling. No wonder Cater had gotten so bad, so fast. Damnit...]
You're doing good. Keep talking.
[Be here. Be supportive. Let Cater know that he isn't judging him. That he's free to speak his mind.
[It's hard to really tell, considering how overwhelmed Cater clearly is, but Trey's presence and his voice definitely helps. Not telling him what he already knows: that what he's thinking isn't true or real. Just the fact that he can't stop thinking about it makes it real in an awful, insidious kind of way. He leans over the toilet bowl just so when he feels tears start forming in his eyes, they have somewhere to go.]
I've spent almost my whole life trying not to offend anyone for any reason.
[Which, of course, is why he'd always suffer through his own discomfort. Why he'd never just say that he doesn't like sweets when it's such a small thing to express instead of forcing back pastry after pastry.]
And now it's like the whole world is disgusted by me. How's anyone supposed to like themselves when so many people have so much to say about everything that's wrong with you?
[Cater doesn't resist being pulled into Trey's arms. Despite having let him in, though, it's still a little hard for him to process. How is it he can be so scared of something that feels so nice? In his weakness, all he can do is cry into Trey's uniform until he's too exhausted to cry anymore.
Once the wracking sobs leave him, Cater tries and subtly bring a hand up to wipe at his face.]
Thank you.
[The voices of thousands of critics haven't silenced, but they've become a muffled roar underneath his tiredness. Slowly, Cater starts to relax just a little bit more.]
I'm sorry, I know that it can't be easy to deal with me when I'm like this.
[Trey lets out a sigh, leaning against the wall next to them as Cater cries, letting his eyes slip closed. Will Cater be able to navigate all the challenges that come with having a celebrity boyfriend? Trey sure hopes so. So far, Vil has been great for him... but Vil and his lifestyle can't be separated.
He continues rubbing his back through it, his own brand of exhaustion threatening to peek through the cracks. But he doesn't complain, not out loud and not in his mind. Cater needed him, so he was going to be here for him; that was all there was to it.
The comments has him pursing his lips a bit, and his hand comes up, lightly ruffling Cater's hair.]
Easier than seeing you repressing everything and not being able to do anything about it.
[That much is absolutely and wholly true. The agony of knowing and being unable to help isn't something he's going to miss anytime soon.
His voice lowers and sobers.]
Four years isn't that easily broken. And I'll keep saying all these things as much as you need them heard— even if that means for the rest of our lives.
[It's hard not to feel like a burden, hard not to disbelieve any kind word he hears. Nonetheless, lie or platitude, it feels nice to hear.]
The rest of our lives, huh?
[Cater chuckles dryly, finally feeling stable enough to back off of Trey and sit back. He smiles slightly through the overall misery that fills his face.]
Guess that means I have just as much teasing to look forward to.
[Taking a steadying breath, his hand acts on its own, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Maybe there's been word from Vil?]
[Asking Cater to turn off his phone is practically like asking him to stop breathing. It's such an automatic function for him that he hardly even thinks about scrolling. Still, he closes his eyes as Trey's hand stops over the screen.]
You're right.
[There's no way he's going to be able to turn his own brain off, but the phone right now is a constant feed of negativity. It'll only make things way worse. He offers it to Trey fully.]
Take it. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself I have it anywhere near me right now.
[Cater can't help but flinch at hearing Riddle's voice. He should've expected that the Housewarden would come to check on them after what had happened, but he'd honestly been so absorbed in his own self-pity that he'd all but forgotten about the altercation. When Trey gets up to handle the situation, Cater nods.
Riddle's been a force to be reckoned with since he arrived at Night Raven College. On one hand, a huge stressor on both himself and the rest of the Heartslabyul dorm. On the other, being the kind of person who can go along with any kind of leadership, and being that he's so close with Trey, all it took was some rule memorization to become friendly with the underclassman. If there was anyone else he could count on as a friend and as someone who could understand sacrificing their own wants to meet the expectations of others...it was certainly Riddle.
Cater takes a breath. He can't really get more uncomfortable than he already is. Trey's nearly made it to the door when he makes his decision, rising shakily to his feet and exiting the bathroom.]
[Trey looks surprised at Cater's words, but doesn't object. He merely opens the door to Riddle and greets him, stepping aside for him to come in.
And Riddle does, stepping inside and looking over at Cater. Immediately, he jolts, and as Trey closes the door behind him, the new Housewarden walks to close the distance between them.]
Cater! Are you alright? Those other students didn't hurt you, did they?
[Ah, that reaction...it's got to be a shock, seeing him look that way. Riddle's only ever known the happy-go-lucky, picture snapping Cater. Trey was an anomaly in noticing the mask that he usually wore--to the point where sometimes Cater forgot just how good he was at wearing it. Sometimes he forgot that he wasn't so exposed.
There's an instinct to quickly fix the look on his face, but that would defeat the purpose of this. So, instead, Cater just braces himself. He makes sure that his face is dry.]
No, they didn't hurt me, thanks to you. It's just been...a really rough day. Did I worry you? Sorry about that.
[Cater lets out a huff of a breath that isn't quite a laugh. Where does he start? He knows that he's not going to just dump everything out on the floor in a vomit of words the way he did with Trey. It's a good thing that having already let out so much, he feels a bit more stable, less likely to lose track of himself again.]
You mean with those guys?
[Nothing really, is what he wants to say, but of course that would be a lie.]
They found out that I'm dating Vil Schoenheit, and they're big fans so they were putting me down about it.
[Cater moves to sit down heavily on the edge of his bed.]
Well, actually, I think Rook Hunt knows, but he's kind of like, you know, weirdly observant about Vil.
[And everyone else, but he's not really going to go down a rabbit hole thinking about Rook and how weird he is.]
Vil's such a big deal, we were planning on keeping it on a need-to-know basis until...
[He trails off as he realizes he has no idea when that time would've been. Would it ever be a good idea, considering Vil's fame? How many people there are who probably fantasize about him being their boyfriend, lover, husband? Cater frowns slightly.]
Doesn't really matter, now. It's all over the Internet.
[Trey's so good at explaining without catastrophizing. Cater's thankful for him; he'd probably freak Riddle out way too badly, considering how little he understands about pop culture.]
Lots of gossip and rumors, most of it online, but probably some on television as well. I'm used to seeing this happen as a member of the audience but I've never been in the hot seat, before.
[His hands itch. He wants his phone. Thank Seven for Trey once more.]
I'm waiting for Vil to tell me how he wants to address it--from now on, I've got to be really careful about what I do or say, because it could reflect poorly on him. I just wish we'd had time to talk about it first.
Hmm... [He doesn't understand it well, but he thinks he gets the jist it of enough.] I'm sorry to hear that. People can be much harsher when it comes to those they're unfamiliar with.
That said...
[His gaze narrows, and he touts darkly, giving a sharp gesture of his hand.]
I will absolutely not tolerate any such behavior on the dorm grounds. If you receive any harassment, Cater, I want the incident reported to me at once so the culprits can be dealt with promptly.
[He gets to a stand.]
I will call for a meeting tonight before dinner to give a reminder. Here in Heartslabyul, we are associates, not some schoolchildren to spread and act upon rumors. Cater, and anyone else in this dorm, for that matter, should be treated as a respected colleague.
[It isn't fine, really, but at least he isn't smiling and laughing about it. When Riddle really goes into full Queen of Hearts mode, Cater doesn't really know how to react. He glances at Trey briefly, chewing on the inside of his cheek.]
I'll let you know if anything else happens, but you'll keep my name out of it, right? I'd rather not be singled out any further than I already am.
[Trey gives a little helpless shrug. Riddle's heart is in the right place, at least. And, well... it could be a good thing, honestly, for the students to get a reminder. It'd give Cater some needed breathing room.]
Of course. That goes without saying.
[Riddle hesitates for a moment. He's rather caught by the expression on Cater's face. It's such a far cry from his usual demeanor, he's not sure how to reconcile it in his head.
Finally, after a moment, he closes his eyes.]
... and if there's anything else that I can do for you, please let me know, alright?
I may be the new Housewarden, but I don't want that to make me seem unapproachable. I still want to do whatever I can to help.
[Cater nods slowly. It's still awkward, letting people in. Worrying that he might be a burden, bothersome, not worth the consideration. Riddle's a good person despite being a hard ass, and Cater likes him, but at the same time he's a little nervous.]
Thanks, Riddle. I appreciate your help, and you checking in on me.
[He hesitates, wanting to say more but having a much harder time with his words than he normally does.]
We're friends, so...I'm glad I got to share this with you on my own before you found out somewhere else.
[Even if that's mostly because Riddle's so studious that he barely knows his way around a smartphone.]
[Once Riddle's gone, Cater's shoulders sag. He didn't think he could be any more tired than he already was.]
I'm gonna have to, I think. I'm a mess.
[Even if he put his mask back on, he knows it won't be nearly as convincing as it was before. Kind of hard to act unaffected when your eyes are red and your face is blotchy. Besides that, word had probably spread through much more of the school by now. Even if Cater wasn't being singled out by Riddle, he has a feeling some of their dormmates are going to be able to read between the lines.]
You think that was okay to do? Show Riddle my real face, I mean.
I think it was fine, but either way, trust your gut. I don't think you'd readily reveal yourself to someone who doesn't have a fair chance of being understanding.
And Riddle goes hard on rules, but he has a heart of gold. Granted, you may have opened yourself up to some mother henning from him. So just let him know if it gets to be too much for you.
[With a groan, Cater flops backward, coiling around a pillow. He feels so drained he's sure he could fall asleep, but he'll have to stay up long enough to make sure his split card doesn't vanish mid-meeting. If only his other selves could eat for him, too, but unfortunately transferring stomach contents is definitely not how it works.]
Mother henning from Riddle Rosehearts--I'm too scared to imagine what that looks like. I'll have to start studying more of the rules.
[All he can think is how he's way more likely to mess one up if Riddle's paying bigger attention. Ugh, what a drag. But Trey's right, Riddle means well, so it's not like he's really all that upset.]
[As soon as Trey says Vil's name, Cater shoots bolt upright in bed. Whatever amount of calm he'd managed to find for himself is broken as anxiety shoots through him, and when Trey offers his phone Cater reaches out and takes it without hesitation. It's as much of a relief to know he's going to hear Vil's voice as it is terrifying. Like he's anticipating scorn, derision.]
Vil!
[He can't help the way his voice creeps higher, unnatural.]
Where are you right now? I tried calling, but I couldn't get through--
Oh--right. I'm sorry, I totally forgot that was today. I shouldn't have blown up your phone like that.
[He sounds irritated, but not at him, so Cater relaxes a little.]
Yeah, wherever you are now, I can be there.
[In fact, he's already swinging out of bed. Doesn't really matter where he is when he sets his split card loose, and he knows he's not going to be able to rest anyway, so going to Vil is definitely the best option.]
[He doesn't care how long he has to wait; the promise of Vil is worth it. Cater lets out a tired chuckle.]
Yeah, I'm not great, but I'm better than I was.
[There's still an urge to tell Vil that he's good, he's fine, don't worry, what I'm going through isn't worth your trouble. He's able to stamp that down, at least, not wanting to hide things from the most important person in his life.]
I've got the world's greatest friend to thank for that. And hearing your voice does wonders, too.
[He grins at Trey slightly as he takes the phone back, putting it into his own pocket without turning it on--he'll wait until he's with Vil, too afraid of being alone with everything he can see.]
Okay, I'm going to give Trey his phone back, so I'm going dark. See you soon?
Trey is relieved. He'd had a pretty good feeling about Vil, and based on everything so far, he's handling everything, even the negative parts of their relationship, pretty well.
A good thing— Cater isn't remotely yet in the mindset to properly defend himself, should someone unjustly put him down or try to take advantage of him.]
[Handing the phone back, it's clear that Cater seems to be a bit more at ease. Nothing's going to be an instant cure all for the intensity of the sudden reveal, the backlash against his happiness, but if he'd had to handle it all alone, Cater's certain he'd be in a much, much more sorry state.]
Thanks--and I really mean it, you know? You're a lifesaver.
[A second later, and Cater's summoned a second of himself. The copy can't help that it has the same sort of tired eyes, but it doesn't have any problems beaming.]
I'll help, too! [Though it does also add in a whine:] I wish I could be the one kissing Vil, though. Lucky~
[Not really paying any mind to his split card, the original Cater heads toward the window. Not like it's his first rodeo sneaking out. Once he's clear of Heartslabyul, it isn't long before he makes it to his destination. At this point, the campus is fairly empty, so he doesn't have to try too hard to avoid unwanted attention. The worst of it is being there first, struggling to keep his hands off his phone and pacing. Each second feels like hours, but he knows that Vil will be there as soon as he can.]
You'll wear a hole in the floor, pacing like that.
[After about ten minutes, he's finally arrived, a small smile on his face. While he'd gotten off some of the make-up, he's still a bit more done than usual, the make-up enhancing and softening his features.]
[This is where Cater would usually offer some kind of cute, flirty comeback. A corner of his mouth raises at Vil's words, but he only manages to make a small noise before he wordlessly approaches and wraps his arms around the taller blond boy, pressing his forehead into his chest.]
I'm so glad you're here.
[He had been drowning. Trey was keeping his face above water as best as he could, but with Vil here, it finally felt like he was being pulled from the waves.]
[Vil's arms come up immediately, and he wraps them tightly around Cater, settling the side of his head against the teen's.]
Oh, Cater... I'm sorry. I've long since been desensitized to such rabble. I suppose it didn't fully occur to me how... well, traumatizing it can actually be.
[He turns his head and presses a kiss to his temple.]
[The problem with sitting is that it means he has to relinquish his hold on Vil, even if it's only for a moment. Cater takes a deep breath and then nods. The kiss is a stabilizing force. He slips his hand into Vil's before finding a spot to sit against the stone of the tower wall.]
I knew this would probably happen eventually, but I should've asked you to prepare me for it more. For such a big-time Internet user you'd think I'd have been more ready for how vitriolic people could be.
[Especially where Vil is concerned. Anyone that beautiful and with those kinds of numbers in popularity tend to attract even the worst sort of people.]
My Magicam account was completely open, and since I was already your fan and we go to the same school, it was super easy for everyone to find me once that picture of us got leaked.
[He walks with Cater and sits next to him, unoccupied arm coming up to wrap around Cater. He lets their heads rest together.]
Good grief. Wild, untamed spuds, the lot of them.
[He gives his hand a squeeze.]
I'm afraid that... while this initial period will die down, you will always catch some of the spillover from my career. That is the life of a celebrity; constantly under scrutiny and criticism to the point their closest people invariably get caught in the crossfire.
[His hand drifts up and strokes through his hair, his eyes closing. His voice is... unusually solemn.]
That is a lot to ask of you. Of anyone. And... I wouldn't blame you if that wasn't a life you wanted.
[Leaning against Vil, it's easy to let his eyes close, too. His presence is like a balm being spread on a burn. Cater listens, feeling soothed...until Vil's tone of voice grows so sad. He wonders if the fame he has is worth it to him. Living under that constant pressure. The weight Cater has felt from his own pressures already feels like enough to bury him at times, and knowing how much worse it must be for Vil...how can he stand it?
He sits up straight, looking Vil in the face with an intensity bordering on desperation in his eyes.]
The life that I want is the one where I'm by your side, period.
[Everything else that comes with it? It's just something that he'll have to learn how to deal with.]
As long as I'm not holding you back, I'm fine with whatever else happens.
[The light pressure of Vil's forehead against his own his heaven. Sitting there like that and lacing their fingers together, it's so easy to forget about his troubles. In this short moment, it's like the panic attack he had not too long ago had never happened.]
If that's what you're telling me, it doesn't matter what anyone else says.
[The lies, the insults, the threatening language...it all fades to background static underneath Vil's truth.]
[Cater hums out a breath, enjoying the sensation of Vil's fingers in his hair.]
The unstoppable force of Trey combined with my unique magic is taking care of that.
[Poor Riddle. How can he truly be expected to maintain his orderly house when he's got such crafty righthand men?]
I don't need to hurry...and I wouldn't anyway, even if it meant punishment. Just being able to be here with you is worth it. [Pausing, he adds:] And I think Riddle would take it easy on me, just this once.
[Cater chases that lingering kiss, wanting to erase all the stress of the earlier day with it. It's not like the thought of not being with Vil ever crossed his mind to begin with, but this reaffirms all the reasons that it's worth putting up with the harder parts. As long as Vil is here to remind him that he's worth something, he can weather the bad days.]
The real Cater hardly has the energy to take on the world, but...Riddle's got a good heart. Way too uptight, but I'm working on seeing people as the friends that they are.
[After the kiss breaks Cater sighs deeply, falling forward to rest his head in the crook of Vil’s neck.]
Okay. As long as you’re with me I can keep working on it.
[He let’s a quiet moment pass, just savoring the closeness he gets to share with his special person. They do have some serious matters to talk about, though, and Cater knows he’ll feel worse if he doesn’t address them now.]
So…about this whole media storm. Is there anything I should do or not do?
[Vil feels himself calming as well, next to Cater. He settles his chin on the redhead, letting his eyes fall shut.
At the question, he hums softly.]
That is mainly up to you and your comforts and limits.
I will say that engaging with people who attempt to put you down, insult you or otherwise "call you out" is fruitless, but I'm sure you already know that.
[He threads his fingers through his hair again.]
You can choose to engage as your persona, yourself... or not at all.
Either way, I wouldn't take it too seriously. It amounts about as much to rumors and gossip in high school.
[He gives a light sigh.] That being said... I can't imagine some of the things you've already read and heard can be too good on your mind. So I would suggest taking some time off of social media for awhile.
[He’s straight up addicted to his phone and he’ll admit it. Cater closes his eyes, focusing on the sensation of Vil’s fingers in his hair.]
Would you do me a favor and change my notification settings on Magicam? I don’t want to suddenly private everything but I can’t have my phone blowing up constantly…and it’s not like I can just keep it off.
[He’s hoping without the push notifications he’ll be less likely to crawl through the different comments. Baby steps.]
I don’t really plan on actively engaging with anyone but I guess I’m wondering how public you want to be. With me, I mean.
[Vil's words clearly take Cater by surprise. There was, of course, his general self-doubt. Comparing himself to Vil and feeling like he comes up short...but all-in-all, he thought that Vil would simply find it easier to keep things private. Or maybe refreshing, not having to worry about eyes on his active romantic partner. It's a different kind of stress, of course, having to hide, but not being a celebrity himself Cater can't really tell which would be the worse situation. He turns his head to look up at Vil again.]
Really? You would've just announced us from the very first day?
Not announced, per say. I would still allow things to take their natural course, but I probably wouldn't have went through as much effort to stay hidden.
[He kisses Cater's forehead.]
Now, that said, I won't do anything without your blessing. And if you continue to want things as private as possible, we can certainly go that route. It's definitely much more feasible in a secluded location like NRC.
I can handle whatever route we take. My only concern is how it impacts you.
Hah...I've really been so worried about nothing, haven't I?
[Making all these assumptions, pretending it was for Vil's benefit when it was really himself. All his insecurities, the fear of all of this ending. Well, now it's louder and more clear than ever: Vil had said forever and he was holding the door, waiting. Taking his hand, Cater kisses the back of the supermodel's knuckles.]
[What starts as a slow softness from to Vil's kiss turns into enthusiasm, a slowly rising excitement as the possibilities of tomorrow begin to effect his body language. He throws his arms around the other boy's shoulders, wanting to wrap him up with all the affection he's felt for so many years and never let go. Like in one kiss he can communicate all the times he'd watched from afar, wishing he could cheer him on in person. All the times he'd been too put down to reach out, all the times he swallowed his feelings for fear of reproach. Cater wants Vil to feel all of it, see all of it.]
[There's a pleased, slightly surprised hum at the increase in energy, but Vil gives back just as much. He'd missed Cater so damn much. More than he'd ever wanted to admit to himself. The grief of loss would've been immobilizing.
Now he's here and he wants him. Not for his money or for his looks but for him. So much that he would endure panic attacks and nervous meltdowns and toxic fans all for him.
It's enough to take his breath away and make him feel lightheaded.
Feeling emboldened, he decides to test his luck by opening his mouth slightly and pressing his tongue against Cater's lips.]
[He's never felt so raw, so wounded before. Like an animal slowly bleeding out.
It'd taken everything in him to piece himself together enough to allow Trey and Cater to guide him back to the dorm and into his room. Everything to bottle the wracking sobs that threatened to burst forth again with everything breath. Everything to tighten the muscles in his throat to stop the whimpers from slipping out.
He managed, too, to keep it down while he was treated. Though he felt a persistent pressure behind his eyes, no further tears formed while the nurse tended to him. Quiet and subdued, he complied with any instructions, then thanked him for his service.
And when the nurse is gone, he's left staring up at the ceiling with Trey and Cater at either side, who'd been practically glued there since he came down from his Overblot. He looks drained, still feels like his heart has been torn open and like he wants to sob. Yet, the tears don't resume.
Instead, he takes a shaky breath, arm laying over his face.]
[It's been a rough day. You know, understatement of the century. For the sake of the other Heartslabyul members involved in the incident, Cater had done his best to project a positive image. Everything's fine now!
But of course, it wasn't fine. They were all exhausted, emotionally charged. There was plenty of relief that Riddle was going to be alright, that a big part of his issues had been addressed, but that didn't mean there wasn't plenty of other things to address. Cater is glad to be sitting down, his expression serious with it just being the three of them.
When Riddle speaks, he lets out a humorless laugh.]
[Well, it seemed that was all the permission Riddle needed. Maybe it was because he wasn't quite expecting it from Cater, but the tears rush forth, and the body-wracked sobs follow soon after.
Trey, for his part, it the picture of calm steadiness and reassurance. Except something's a bit off in his gaze right now— like he isn't entirely here. Like his mind is playing out some scenario that never happened.
It doesn't stop him from being here, hands holding one of Riddle's and giving it a comforting squeeze. That hand that was holding onto him like a lifeline.]
[There's a mixture of emotions Cater feels watching the scene before him. A want to be comforting to Riddle, his friend, and Trey, his even greater friend, clearly having been rattled by everything that had happened. Even now, though, insidious thoughts coil forward, trying to take hold of his psyche. The way the two hold hands--the ferocity make him feel detached from the situation, far away.
Still, he wrestles to maintain control with logic, keeping a hand on Riddle's opposite shoulder as he cries.
There isn't much that can be or needs to be said right now: simply being there is the best they can do. So Cater doesn't say anything until Riddle's tears of stopped and he seems on the verge of falling asleep.]
We should let you rest--but if you need anything, we're just on the other side of that door, okay?
[At some point, Riddle's hand leaves his face to grip onto Cater's hand. Even though it makes him more exposed, the desire to clutch to his friend is greater.
Once the sobs stop, he looks absolutely exhausted. He squeezes both of their hands gently, giving a mute nod.
Slowly, he withdraws his hands, and Trey withdraws his as well. If one looks at his expression now, there's no hint of that distance, no indication that anything is wrong. There's concern and worry for his friend, of course, but he doesn't look haunted.]
I'll bring you some soup later.
[No doubt Riddle had burned through a lot of energy during all of that. He gets another nod in return before the Housewarden's eyes slide closed, and he turns his head.
As Cater comes over, Trey pats his back, slings an arm around his shoulder, and walks them out of the room. It isn't until they get back to their own room that he speaks.]
[It's a bit of a relief to escape the room--to know that Riddle's going to get rest and to be able to get their own rest. Aside from the emotional impact, they still did have to take on an Overblotted Riddle, which was no easy feat itself. Cater sighs, putting an arm around Trey's shoulder in return.]
Me? Come on. I barely did anything. You're the one who was the real MVP today.
[If it hadn't been for Trey, they were looking at some real possible casualties out there. And more than that...]
We all did it together. I couldn't have done it alone.
[The next question has his expression faltering for a second.
After a moment, he goes with:]
Heh... not as great as I'd like to be.
[He doesn't want to be false with Cater after everything, but there's also a strong desire to not let him see too much. He had enough weighing on his mind without having to worry about Trey.]
[But joking aside, he looks at Trey with an even, understanding expression. Being the master of pretending everything is fine, he knows how hard it is to open up--wouldn't judge Trey for not wanting to. But being where their relationship is now, he'd be remiss not to be there for his friend now that the shoe seems to be on the other foot.]
If you want to talk about it, I'm here--but only if you want. Just don't hold yourself back for my sake.
[Cater doesn't intend to waste a bunch of time regretting the years he kept Trey at arm's distance. Still, it's hard not to wish that he had more experience with this kind of thing. Bad enough to be comforted, but being the one to do the comforting? It's a whole different wheelhouse. He pulls Trey over so they're leaning together shoulder-to-shoulder.]
You'll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. You've known Riddle longer than any of us, so tell me: do you think he would have listened? He strikes me as the kind of person who really needed to hit his breaking point before he'd be able to face the facts no matter how many people had tried to get through to him sooner.
[For not having much experience, Cater does a good job. Trey leans into that tug, and then much heavier after Cater finishes speaking.]
... yeah, you're probably right.
[What if, what if, what if. Cater's right, it will drive him crazy. It still hurts him deep in his soul to see just how much hurt Riddle was in. And not that long after Cater showed his own pain.
It's a lot to take in... But... Cater has been improving by leaps and bounds. Maybe now Riddle could, too.
After a moment, a hand comes up to rest on the opposite shoulder, giving him a little side-hug.]
Thanks, Cater.
[He looks to him.]
Riddle's going to depend on us more than ever now to make sure he doesn't go too far. Think you're up to the task?
Hey, just call me second in command to the second in command.
[He squeezes Trey in that one-armed hug before his stance relaxes.]
What're friends for, right? If I can count on you, you can count on me.
[But he knows that these kind of doubts aren't so easy to shake. Cater isn't going to act like everything's cleaned up and tidy.]
He has a lot of learning to do, and he'll probably backslide...and when that happens, it's not on you. I'm right here with you to keep things moving forward.
[After the stress of being outed followed by Riddle's Overblot scare, Cater is looking forward to some downtime. It feels like ages between the start of everything and the first real weekend without having anything to worry about: no Heartslabyul plans, Riddle in good health, and most importantly...Vil being free!
Happy just to have permission to leave campus and go into town, Cater uses his scrolling powers to find more options where they can eat healthy but otherwise lets Vil decide what would be fun for the day. Somehow, he's still kind of surprised when they end up shopping, though he knows he shouldn't be.
The store they're stopped in is way fancier than he's used to. Cater dresses trendy, of course, but he hardly has the funds to shop high end. It's hard not to feel a bit like a fish out of water as he eyes a rack of jackets.]
I've never been in here before--what kind of fit do you have in mind?
[The woman at the counter is clearly beyond dazzled to be in the presence of a teen superstar, so it goes without saying they'll be waited on to the best of her ability.]
it's dress up cater and appreciate the fuck out of him week
[It's good that the media's finally calmed down about Cater. There will always be ignorant spuds on social media, but that was something Cater was going to have to learn as nonsense not to listen to, and Vil would put in every effort to see that he would.
And part of that effort is boosting the redhead's morale and self-esteem. While it was true that beauty was only skin-deep, one would be hard-pressed to dismiss the boost of confidence that can come simply from dressing up, accenting a person's wonderful features that they were so blind to before.
... not that Cater knows that, but it's time to change that.]
What indeed. Actually, I'm not here for myself at all.
[He brings up a finger.]
We're going to find the clothes to bring out the true Cater— beautiful, handsome and wonderful as he is.
[The tension melts away from his shoulders as Vil's proximity washes over him. Their twined fingers, the hand on his cheek, the kiss...it all fills him with warmth. He returns the smile with his confident airs stripped away, a bashful look on his face, leaning forward to hide his face for a quick moment against the taller boy's shoulder.]
[His hand shifts to stroke through the orange locks, and he lets the side of his head rest against Cater's.]
I was thinking we walk through the store and have a look at what all they offer. Whatever catches your eye, you can try it on. And no looking at the price tags.
[Which, Vil realizes might not be the easiest thing for Cater, but it would help. Cater's repressed so much of himself for so long that having him tap back into his intuition and gut feeling should, theoretically, help him start feeling a little more like "himself".]
[It's so hard not to look at the price tags. He knows that it isn't an object for Vil, that Vil is clearly intending to pay for whatever they decide on...but it's hard not to worry about being seen as someone just in it for the money. Still working on brushing off the h8ters, Cater knows that suddenly having an expensive wardrobe is going to come off a certain way to those people.
But also, he doesn't want to look like a total potato around Vil, either. So...deep breaths. Try to avoid those nasty paper slips.]
Okay! I'm ready! Let's do this!
[Cater's just gonna savor another couple seconds in Vil's arms before he pulls himself up, hands on his hips.]
Let's see...
[Swiveling his head around, Cater immediately makes his way toward the first brightly-colored item he finds. Red and orange accents paired with more neutral tones are clearly to his preference even beyond Heartslabyul's theme. With just Vil, it's a little easier for him to step out of that "cute" comfort zone that he's sequestered himself into, looking at fashion choices a bit more sophisticated.]
As long as I'm catching yours, that's all that matters.
[Besides...it's not like anyone is going to be looking at him when he's next to Vil. He figures no matter how he dresses, he may as well be invisible to everyone else.]
But what do you think?
[He shrugs on a coat, since that doesn't require a changing room.]
Does it strike you as truly Cater? I defer to your expert opinion.
[Cater's about to joke that Vil's going to give him an inflated ego talking like that, but then he sees the slight coloration on his face as Vil looks him over. Beaming, he tests the straps on the coat, fitting it more neatly against his form.]
Well, I think it suits me. It has the Vil Schoenheit seal of approval, after all. The bigger question: can we find pants that give me an ass that just won't quit?
[It's definitely clear that the more they get into the swing of things, the more comfortable Cater is. It helps that it isn't busy--Sage Island already being such a small place. Far less chance for them to get accosted by Vil's fans.
Before long, he has a few different options of styles to try that require use of the little changing room the store has and of course Cater steps out to get Vil's opinion on everything. He strikes fun poses, doing his best imitation of a top model, running his hand through his hair.]
What do you think? Would you rate me with a chili pepper?
[Vil continues to give light-hearted commentary and teasing through the process. There is nothing he dissuades. Perhaps there simply isn't a need to. Even if Cater mainly was into fashion because he wanted to fit in, it still seems it instilled in him enough of a sense of what should go together and what shouldn't.
...and it seems the more comfortable he gets, the better outfits he gets into. Or maybe it's just his blooming confidence that's so appealing?
Well, either way, when he comes out the most recent time... Vil finds himself blushing a much deeper red, this time.
Goodness, him. Who gave Cater any right being this attractive?]
Great Seven, Cater. [There's a quiet awe to his voice.] You really have been holding out on the world.
[Cater's whole body seems to light up at once at the use of the word, staring at Vil with saucer eyes that seem to wondrously question if he's sure. If that wasn't a mistake. Without realizing it, he's started leaning in, up on his toes.]
[It just figures that Cater had completely set himself to be swept off his feet. With most people, he knows how to be charming and flirtatious without batting an eye. With Vil? He's so thoroughly messy, he feels himself choking at the rebuttal.]
Then I guess we better...take these off...to, to you know, to double check...
[No he's totally lost the thread of his joke. His face is as red as a tomato.]
[Vil's suggestive response and teasing touches do absolutely nothing to calm Cater's flustered energy. He can't stop smiling, can barely talk between half-nervous, half-excited giggling. Around Vil he's like a puppy, tail wagging so hard he can't keep his feet still.]
Okay! Kinda feel like I should wear this out, it's doing so well for me.
[Cater can't help but freeze. Vil, oh Vil, do you have any idea what you do to him? Yeah, Cater's sure that he knows fully well. His face is already growing red again.]
I mean...
[The supermodel makes him bashful, but he's still an eighteen-year-old teenage boy.]
If you're in that kind of a mood, who am I to turn down that kind of suggestion?
[He feels so giddy, his stomach so full of butterflies that as they approach the register, hand-in-hand, Cater's completely forgotten about the forbidden price tags. He squeezes his fingers through Vil's, sticking close as the clothes are marked into the register and paid for, and all the while he can't stop gazing at his face.
It would be obvious to anyone looking how smitten he is--that the way he feels isn't just star struck infatuation from a fan to an idol.]
[Sevens, look at this man. His bashful little expression. The clear giddiness. Vil feels so ridiculously lucky.
It won't be long until they're back at the dorm and in Vil's bedroom. He comes up to Cater, boldly placing his hands on his chest and smoothing them down the apparel.]
Mmm... a fine choice. Such lovely and carefully crafted material like this must be handled with the utmost care...
[His hands come up to the first button, his voice lowering.]
We'll have to go extra slow to ensure not a single thread is frayed.
[Naturally, no one bats an eye at Vil bringing the other third year with him into his Pomefiore Headwarden Suite. They likely wouldn't even if their relationship hadn't been outed to the whole world. Cater's head is full of anticipated thoughts, wondering how exactly he's gonna slide smoothly into Vil's DMs, so to speak.
As it turns out, he needn't have thought so hard about it at all, because Vil expertly takes the initiative. And Seven save him, Vil's fingertips brushing his skin as he undoes that first button has his whole body tingling with nerves. He can't help being as worried that he'll underperform just as much as he's excited to be with Vil this way.
He won't judge you, he tells himself, knowing it's true. Anxious despite it. Just be yourself.]
You'll have to keep me in check. Never been very good at keeping still.
[Even now, as he reaches for Vil's waist and pulls their bodies closer together, his fingertips itch, impatient of their own accord, wanting--no, needing to fidget, to have a task, to do more.]
[Vil chuckles softly. It's not as if he'd ever done anything like this with anyone else before, but... Cater has always been Cater to him. His safe place, the person he could be himself with.
Yet underneath his hand, he can feel how that heart is fluttering. He'd be a fool if he didn't anticipate that at least some of it was from nerves rather than anticipation.]
That won't be a problem.
[He leans forward, then, pressing some soft, chaste kisses to skin, along his jaw and then slowly down his neck as he continues to unbutton him, one at a time.]
[Cater lets out a shuddering breath as Vil's lips hit his skin. He wants to kiss him more fully, but at the same time, doesn't want to interrupt where those lips are going now. Each one sends a new flush of heat blooming through his body as Cater feels his throat clench into a knot. He gulps, his own fingers looking for purchase underneath Vil's top as he speaks softly close to the supermodel's ear:]
Don't tease me too much, okay?
[He doesn't know that he can take it. Not their first time.]
[Without meaning to, Cater tenses at the question. It's a fair thing to ask, and that's all it is, really. Vil's just asking a question. Still, that familiar self-consciousness rises up, trying to snuff out the flame in him that Vil's started stoking.]
You won't think less of me?
[His own question, coming out in such a small voice, is an admission all on its own.]
[Vil could have anyone, and Cater never expected to be here with him like this--like any of this. There had been times where he'd just felt so alone with himself he just needed...needed to feel something. Anything. He got what he wanted, but the feeling was always shame.
And now Vil's trying so hard and being so good to him and he's totally bringing them both down.]
[Yeah, he totally ruined the whole mood, didn't he? Cater groans, hanging his head as he follows Vil to the bed, sitting obediently beside him. How is he so patient with him?]
It's nothing, really...I'm just...
[He doesn't know how to put it into words, really. Maybe it happened when he learned his UM. Maybe every time he uses it, he fissures another crack into his own self-image. Split on split on split. Broken. Bad luck.]
I don't want to ruin this. And I don't mean having sex. You make me happy in a way I literally couldn't imagine and I can't stop myself from waiting for the point where you realize that I'm not worth it.
[You know. Nothing. He finally looks up at Vil, pleading in those green eyes.]
[He watches and listens quietly. At the end of it, he hums softly and thoughtfully, carding his finger through the red locks.]
Hmmm. I think I see what's happening.
You've definitely been improving. However, when a significant change is occurring, it causes anxiety, which in turn brings the negative thoughts back up.
[And then he hesitates.]
Ah... sorry, I hope that wasn't too clinical.
[After another moment, he draws closer, touching their foreheads together again. His hand comes up, petting Cater's hair. His voice lowers, warm and tender for his boyfriend.]
Breathe, Cater. Focus on now and here. Focus on me.
[Cater gives a huff of a laugh, clearly not offended. He shakes his head.]
No...you're right. I'm used to going through changes, but they've never been easy for me.
[This is the first real change he's had that's been an undeniable positive, but that doesn't seem to be stopping his anxiety. It must be a learned, subconscious behavior. And then Vil draws them together and Cater lets out a slow breath, basking in the warmth generated between them.]
I am. I'm right here with you.
[He doesn't want to be anywhere else. Knows that as long as it's Vil, he isn't going to feel ashamed.]
I want you more than I can put into words.
[So instead of words, he nuzzles his face in closer, seeking out Vil's mouth with his own.]
[Vil seems to relax a little at Cater taking his observation well. And the following words have his heart swelling, feeling light and warm and tingly all at once.
A pleased hum escapes as Vil accepts that mouth, kissing Cater slowly. It doesn't seem like Vil really knows what he's doing, but his relative lack of anxiety may make him seem fairly self-assured in his exploration.
Either way, his hands are now moving to gently remove that first layer of clothing.]
[As they kiss, as Vil's perfect hands start to slide the fabric away from his skin, the tension in Cater's body starts to melt away. He's here, right here, with Vil. Even at his worst, Vil doesn't so much as hint that he'd change anything about him. Cater felt like he'd just about shattered the good feelings they'd built up throughout the day but Vil doesn't miss a beat. They pick up right where they left off and Cater cups Vil's face in one hand while the other finds his waist and pulls him closer.
Maybe he's done this before, but the emotions he feels now are so new to him it's like starting over from scratch. And Vil, always so confident in everything he does, helps keep him steady and on course. He sighs into his boyfriend's mouth, his skin warm and craving more of those delicate touches.]
It feels right to have Cater relaxing underneath his touches, becoming pliant and willing. That's how he wants Cater to feel— that these hands are meant just for him, and that he's safe in their care.
With that first layer removed, he goes for the next, hands coming down to take the hem of the fabric. The kiss trails slightly when he breaks it before he moves to take that shirt off.
There will be nothing on his upper body after that, and Vil craves to see it.]
[It's so incredible to him, the way that Vil can so easily pull him out of his darkest moments. He shines so brightly, illuminating all the corners, filling him with warmth. His hands treat him with such a soothing gentleness at a certain odds with his tenacious personality...Cater can't get enough. Has never been able to, really, but certainly not now.
He wants to be the one kissing Vil all over, so as soon as the top comes off over his head, Cater goes back in, lips at the blonde's neck. As he opens his mouth to peek his tongue out and touch it to that flawless skin, his fang trails along with him, a teasing caress.]
[Vil only gets a glimpse of that beautiful body before Cater's diving right back in and he gives a soft gasp at the mouth on his neck. Letting out a slow breath, he tilts his head away, hand coming up to thread through Cater's hair and and wind his fingers through the wavy locks.
What a ridiculous man. Waiting for the point where Vil sees that he isn't worth it. If only he could feel how strongly he desired him, craved him, and how complete and clear his world felt with him at his side, giving him those beautiful, shy, genuine smiles.]
[The way that Vil breathes, that slow exhale--a sound of such contentment and such want at the same time, it sends Cater's heart pounding, his skin starting to visibly flush in his own unabashed desire. He dare not leave a mark on Vil's skin--not without expressed permission, but that doesn't stop him from kissing him again and again, like he's absolutely starving for it.
Vil's fingers feel so perfect in his hair. If he were pulling or scratching, Cater's sure he would adore it just as much. Still, those soothing caresses are perfect. Just what he needs right now.]
Vil...
[The name comes out on a breath like Cater just can't help but utter it. Vil Schoenheit. It still feels like a dream that they're here. Like it was just yesterday they were children saying goodbye, and Cater thought he'd never see him again. Well, if it is all a dream, he intends to make the most of it. His warm, lightly-calloused hands work on removing Vil's outer layers as well, so they can admire each other in the same state of undress.]
[The lips on him are heavenly. In this moment, he feels so light, so warm, so desirable, so beautiful.
Yet, something in him falters, and as Cater moves to undress him, Vil pulls back, a conflicted look on his face. This gorgeous ginger was just sitting in front of him, giving himself over to Vil so easily...
Why does he feel so unbalanced? Why does he suddenly feel so exposed? He certainly has not an ounce of shame over his body...]
[Cater's hands leave Vil the second he hesitates. He took it too far, didn't he? He got the wrong impression, probably? Shit. His green eyes scan his boyfriend's face, trying to find a solution to a problem that he hasn't figured out yet. Trying not to panic about it or get ahead of himself.]
Sorry. Was I moving too fast?
[Immediately, Cater has the urge to touch Vil again, but differently--more reassuringly. To squeeze his hands and kiss his face and hold him close. But, no, he pulled away, needs physical space, clearly. It's always so unnerving to see Vil not looking...in control. He always seems like he knows exactly what to do all the time. If he isn't feeling confident, who in the world could be?]
[He's so sweet. Too sweet. Too good. It almost hurts.
Can Vil get the words to escape his mouth, past his throat? It's so strange, feeling like this. For the most part, he was genuinely confident. Maybe to a fault.
Yet Cater's gentleness and understanding... It makes him itch. Something crawls underneath his skin. He wants to push him away. He wants to tell him to get out, and never come back. He wants to protect him so badly from himself.]
Poisonous thoughts. [He manages to murmur out. He struggles with more. Everything in him wants to refuse all of this. He's fine, he's fine, what's he getting all worried about? Cater's happy, Vil's happy, so why is he tempting fate?
He clenches his eyes shut. A tremble runs through his hands.
[Cater's smile stumbles and falls from his face as he squeezes Vil's hands more tightly. Poisonous? He both does and doesn't know what Vil means by that--he has them himself, doesn't he? But somehow it feels different. Vil's demons are not his own.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't have them. Honestly, Cater's surprised that he's only seeing them now. He supposes that even with how practiced he is at hiding himself, his dark thoughts, Vil's profession would make it even easier for him to pretend to be fine when his whole world is sinking.]
I've been broken for a long time, Vil. All you've ever done is help me start to pick back up the pieces.
[He draws one of those hands to his mouth, kisses Vil's palm.]
We might get some cuts along the way...but those'll heal.
[A shiver runs down Cater's spine. He feels himself torn in two ways: on one hand, beautiful, talented, amazing, perfect Vil...looking at him like that, touching him like that...how could you not fall into a spell? If he offered him poison by his own making, Cater isn't so sure he wouldn't drink it.
But no. It's not Vil, not really. Just like Cater isn't Cay-Cay. Vil Schoenheit, the villain. The character that he plays because it's what everyone expects of him. It gets so easy to lean into that role.]
[He's confident in his assertion, but how to put that into words that would reach Vil in this state, where he's hiding behind his own mask? This feels important, like if he messes this up, if he says something wrong, all of this ends. Cater Diamond is a glass in Vil Schoenheit's immaculate hand. One twist of his fingers and the stem could snap and be rendered useless.
Cater's eyes flicker down and away before he thinks of something and meets Vil's piercing gaze again.]
I hate sweets. [Knowing it seems like a complete topic change, he only gives it a beat before continuing.] But my Magicam is full of them. Cute colors, smiles, a carefree boy who lives in the moment, who can be friends with anyone...that's the role I was given. It gets to a point where so many people identify you in a certain way that it feels like letting them down to show anything else. So you adapt into it, no matter how much you hate it, because that's what's expected of you.
There's a sea full of people out there who think they know me, but they just see what they want to see. What I let them see. And if I have a sea of people doing that, you have the whole world. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of pressure--the weight that such a character puts on you.
[It's hard enough being happy all the time. Being a villain? It would certainly crush him.]
You wear it like a second skin, but everyone has their tells, no matter how subtle. I see it in your eyes when you're cast in another movie or TV show as the villain when you were hoping for something different. In the disappointment and the frustration with your agent. In the corners of your smile that don't turn up quite as much. In your careful wordings announcing your next project--grateful for an opportunity but never excited.
[Aren't you tired, Vil? Tired like he's tired? Cater's hand carefully touches the back of Vil's, dragging it down from his chin to his neck and leaning in.]
...but I could be kidding myself. If I am, just squeeze.
The abrupt apparent change in topic is enough to have his crooked smile fade a bit, and more so as he continues talking. His gaze never once leaves Cater as he speaks.
He's quiet through all of it, nothing giving away the thoughts within. And then Cater makes that gesture...]
It's not a light laugh; it's definitely steeped in darkness and poison.]
My, my. I had no idea you were so presumptuous. And so confidently, at that. Not to mention flirting so obviously with danger.
[He squeezes, just enough to make breathing uncomfortable.]
But I can't hold it against you for getting things backwards. Not all of us were forced into a role to begin with.
Dear Cater. Let me set things straight: I have no problems with being the villain in and of itself. In fact, I find the role very enjoyable.
No, the real problem is... [He grits his teeth now, squeezing a bit tighter. It might be hard to breathe.] I want to be the last on the stage. I want to be the one at the forefront of everyone's minds. And a villain never gets that opportunity. The one who stays on until the end is always the hero. It's always him.
[He stares into those blue eyes as if he can see directly into Cater's soul. His voice is low, humming with unspoken threat.] I am an ambitious man. A ruthless man. I have and will do everything in my power to come out on top. I haven't just beaten my competition, I've crushed them. And there is not an ounce of guilt in my heart for it. I would do it all again, and without batting an eye.
There isn't a thing in the world that could stop me from my pursuit. Not us, and not you.
Do you understand?
[He holds that grip until he gets an affirmative. And then he finally lets go.]
[For the first time in his life, from the moment he met the other boy in the Shaftlands, Cater Diamond is afraid of Vil Schoenheit. They're both so exposed here, and in that exposure, in that honesty, the hands they've thrown down couldn't be more different. As it turns out, Cater's was just a bluff. Vil has the royal flush. He manages a nod, taking in a large breath as he's released, head bowed down in a gesture of submission.]
I wouldn't dream of getting in your way.
[The last thing on his mind had been Vil's career--at least not right now. Maybe that's the problem--Vil's career is everything.
Geeze, how daft can I be? He'd laugh at himself if he were alone. Wake up, Cater. Stop living in a fantasy. When he looks back up at Vil again, Cater's smiling.]
So do whatever you need to do, okay? Use me until I'm spent.
[Everything always ends. It was stupid of him to get caught up in some notion of forever.]
[Cater stammers uselessly. Those broken pieces they'd been picking up together slipping through his cut fingers and back onto the ground again. What did I do wrong? He wants to ask. Give me another chance, he wants to plead. I'll be whatever you need me to be, he wants to promise.
It hurts. His heart hurts. His stomach aches.
Cater tears his eyes away from Vil's dismissive stance and stands, quietly picking up the nice clothing that had been so carefully removed from him and sliding back into it.]
KK. Seeya in class, Vil.
[His feet take him out of the room even as he leaves his heart behind, bleeding at Vil's feet.]
[Rook had sensed trouble long before the sound of glass shattering reached him from inside the Housewarden's dormitory. From the Pomefiore common area, he had smiled when the lovebirds had returned from their trip into town--it had been unexpected to see them back so quickly, but their body language made it clear just why they were back. Even Vil's much more calm and collected manner couldn't fool the huntsman. Ah, l' amour...
He wasn't eavesdropping--was keeping a respectful enough distance that he wouldn't be able to hear the ins-and-outs of their conversation. But his deft ears couldn't help but notice a shift in murmurings, a change in tone, where anyone else might not have heard anything at all. And when Cater Diamond had shuffled out so quickly, body tight and tense, Rook had a suspicion what may have happened.
Oh, beautiful Vil, what have you done?
He's brimming with concern, but when Rook knocks at Vil's door and opens it upon approval, he has his usual smile on his face. Even ad his worst, Vil's still unparalleled...and there's a big part of him that itches to see those volatile emotions. Naturally, he has a first-aid kit with him; he'll be sure to prevent Vil from retaining any scars.]
[Rook asks not for permission, only for forgiveness. But Vil knows this about him, so he merely approaches quietly, sitting beside his friend and housewarden and motioning to see the injury.]
More than in a physical sense, I take it.
[The shattered mirror, the blood that's now staining more than just Vil's fair skin...this is a mess, all right.]
When the two of you arrived, you seemed to be in particularly high spirits. Tell me, what changed so quickly?
Ah, but Vil! The dangerous side of you is what makes you so truly beautiful.
[The edges so sharp they could get anyone who dare handle him without care. The thorns to his rose. The poison in his apple. Using the tools in his first aid kit, Rook takes care to make sure that no shards of glass remain in his hand before beginning to clean it. Healing magic will erase any potential scars, of course, but only if the wound is properly treated first.]
I have a hard time believing you've been dishonest with him up until now.
[What he'd give to have witnessed it: Vil's very first spat with his significant other. To be a fly on the wall in that most intimate of times. As always, Rook's far too chipper about a rather rocky subject...but he's always been peculiar that way. In any case, he softens as his rugged hands treat Vil with such precise care.]
Just the same...you did try. May I ask: what was the result you hoped for?
[Hearing those words, there's no way Rook can do anything other than voice his truth. It's always his way, but perhaps not always in too bold of speech. Voice quiet and full of weight, he stops his work.]
Non, my beautiful Vil. You are enough.
[He is no fool for craving something that so many strive for. For struggling to see himself the way others see him. If he could take away all of Vil's pain, he would, but even suffering...he is so lovely. Rook knows that through this storm, he will come out flourishing all the more.]
And passively wishing for an outcome isn't you, my tenacious queen.
[With the hand that wasn't holding Vil's bloodied one, Rook reaches up to boldly brush the tear from Vil's cheek, cupping it with reverence. His gaze is fond, perhaps even a little heartbroken himself--as if experiencing Vil's very emotions as his own.]
Ah, but has he made that decision, or have you made it for him?
[Vil, so beautiful and yet so tortured. Always admired but never seen. Well, at least by most. Returning to his task of healing, Rook pulls a small potion vial from his kit and unstoppers it, pouring it over Vil's wounded hand. The sanitized wound begins to heal rapidly.]
There, now. Monsieur Magicam has had a drop of your poison. Let it seep in, and he shall see how his stomach fairs tomorrow, non?
[No thanks necessary between such good friends. Beaming, Rook puts the first aid kit back together and closes it, jumping to his feet.]
To be allowed to witness such sincerity, directly from your heart...that beautiful sight is more than thanks enough! Ah, I'm still captivated!
[Anyway. If Cater Diamond really does break the heart of his Queen, he'll simply have to hunt him down. Until that happens, it's all simply the ups and downs of love.]
[The walk from Pomefiore to the Hall of Mirrors and through the Heartslabyul gardens is maybe the single longest one he's ever had to take. Cater thought that it had been rough trying to keep himself together after he and Vil had been outed on social media...but this was different. In some ways, easier. He found that he was going through the motions pretty easily, laughing and smiling and chatting idly with people who stopped him along the way.
But he feels much, much worse. It's the emptiness. There's a deep dark hole inside of his heart that's growing every second, pulling more and more of him in, and no matter how much more easily he keeps up his mask, each footstep feels like it takes hours. By the time he gets to his dorm and flops on the bed, he's completely lost track of just how much time had passed when in reality he's back home way earlier than he should be.
Cater doesn't bother so much as taking off his shoes.]
[Cater feels his stomach tighten when Trey arrives. He knows he's going to have to tell Trey what happened--that he'll just find out, anyway. It's not that he doesn't want to talk about it so much as he's not sure he can. His thoughts are confused. His emotions are dark. Putting them all into coherent picture sounds like starting a fight that he's doomed to loose.]
Mmm.
[With the assenting sound, Cater rolls on his side, back to Trey. He pulls out his phone and his pen from his pockets and tosses them somewhere on the pillows above him, uncaring.]
[Cater rolls into himself further. It's too hard, right now, to assume anything else. To think that there's any hope of coming back from something that felt so final. Trey's right, of course: Vil isn't one to beat around the bush. Unconsciously, he brings up a hand to his neck, touching the spot where Vil had tightened his grip.]
We got...into things. Into something deep, I guess. I know I just said it but...I don't know.
[It feels like one second everything was fine, better than fine, even. And then...]
[Damn it. He talked a lot, didn't he? Too much. Vil had said he'd gotten bold...he was right. Too distracted in his attempts to dissect the conversation--as much as it feels too raw and ugly to look at--Cater doesn't answer the other part of the question.]
But I think the turning point was when he called himself a villain. [That he'd break me, even though I'm already broken.] I told him I knew him better than that. [He laughed at me when I said that.]
[Cater chuckles humorlessly, shaking his head against his comforter.]
No, he said I misunderstood--that he likes being a villain. That I need to be aware that his ambitions won't be put on hold for me or for us. I'd never get in the way of that, you know? So I told him that, too.
[So what was it? Why wasn't that enough?]
Whatever happens, whatever he needs to do, I don't care. I don't want him to put me before himself. I want him to rise higher and higher no matter what that means for me.
[Trey crosses his arms and gives a tense hum. There's quite a bit to take in there...]
Well... I guess what he said isn't something that comes as much of a surprise, at least to me. Though, if he said it that way, it was pretty pointed.
[But... that's just another thing that's so much like Vil, isn't it? He never sugarcoats his words. He tells it exactly like it is.
And Cater, who was just starting to find his footing, was getting tossed about by the harsh waves of reality.]
Maybe... that's the problem? Again, I can really guess at things only so much, and I'm hesitant to do even this much.
But it's obvious you mean a lot to him. You might not care, but he does. And he's a brutally honest kind of person. Relationships... are hard work. Especially a close one like that.
And you're not going to always see eye-to-eye on things. Something like this was going to happen sooner or later. And, well... honestly, that's probably why he told you what he did that first day— to confide in someone else. So you wouldn't be left alone with your thoughts.
The point is, I think he wants— he needs someone that can withstand that sort of intensity.
Admittedly, that's a lot to ask of anyone. And he... probably knows that. Maybe he was testing you.
[Finally, he reaches out to put a hand on Cater's shoulder, and squeezes.]
This is going to sound really presumptuous, but his reaction might be his way of trying to protect you.
[For the first time in awhile, in the warring mess of emotions bundled up tight inside his gut, sorrow isn't the first one that wins out. The self-loathing is still there, hissing and roiling, but something else breaks through. When Trey puts it that way, gives him that perspective...
It kind of pisses him off.]
If he was testing me, I guess I failed. Spectacularly.
[Cater takes a breath and sits up, patting Trey's hand in a quiet acknowledgment of thanks before its dislodged by his movement. He's still wearing the clothes Vil bought him when they were laughing and joking and flirting. All of that just to get here. All of it just to dangle him over a bunch of broken glass, see if he'd lose his balance.]
[Cater stares at the wall in front of him in silence. Even now, the urge to lie about this side of himself is so strong. To say that of course he doesn't do that, when really...]
It's hard not to. I've always fallen short of everyone's expectations. And Vil...he's already so successful. If there's a problem, of course it's because I'm not good enough.
[Cater's hands ball into fists against his knees. He shakes his head. Damn it, he didn't want to cry. Not again. But his face burns at Trey's words, his frustration morphing again.]
No! Of course not! I don't see him like that at all, and I'm the one who, who...
[How is he so weak, so powerless? He groans, running his hands through his hair.]
I don't know who I even am sometimes. How am I supposed to be good enough?
[He reaches out and over, hand settling to rub Cater's back.]
... I can't really answer that for you. For now... try taking a step back, thinking about what I said, and... maybe try playing the situation in your head as if it was someone else in your shoes.
[Since Cater's expectations for other people seems a lot more reasonable.]
[Cater takes a deep, shaky breath. He slowly manages a nod of his head.]
I don't know how you can stomach dealing with me when I'm like this. Sorry, man. This isn't your problem to figure out for me.
[He just needs to think, like Trey said. Not catastrophize. Think. Maybe in retrospect he can understand something better that he couldn't in the heat of the moment.]
[He definitely does feel that tremble and feels a swell of protectiveness. Even if they're about the same age, Trey can't help it; Cater just seems to bring out the big brother energy in him.]
Hey...
[He gets up and comes around the bed, taking a seat next to the ginger. He brings his arm up and around him, tugging him in for a hug.]
[Cater tries for another joke but all that he manages is a muffled whine before he relents, pressing his face into Trey's shoulder. He takes a breath, trying to will the tears back into his eyes before they totally wet his clothes.]
[Said gently as his hand comes up to pet the orange locks.]
I know it's rough, but thinking about the worst-case scenario is just going to ramp up your negative thoughts and emotions all the more.
Hopefully, this will just be one fight of the many you have with him over the course of a long and happy relationship.
Vil might be a successful supermodel, but at the end of the day, he's just a teenage boy like the rest of us, with his own issues and flaws. So... cut both of yourselves some slack, alright?
[So much easier said than done. Trying is all he can promise when he knows how much he's struggled with it. He could bend himself over backwards forgiving Vil for any of his flaws, but...in the absence of his own flaws, what does Cater Diamond have to offer, he wonders?
He just wishes he could see what Vil apparently sees.]
[He gives a little smile, hand coming down to pat Cater's back. Cater is struggling so much, and yet, he's continuing to be open rather than hiding behind a mask. It'd be so easy and comfortable for him to do so. But he's choosing the hard way. The right way.
For that, Trey's proud of him.]
You've already improved a lot over these past few months. Don't forget that.
[The next day finds Vil's thoughts and feelings only more muddied instead of less.
The message from Cater has a knot forming in his stomach. Try as he might, nothing sounds good or right. After a solid fifteen minutes, he decides to put it off for a time.
Showering doesn't clear his head. Nor does his jog.
[It was a rough night. Aside from not really sleeping, thinking and overthinking the situation...it was hard not to keep beating himself up over what had happened. It had been Vil's way of crying out for help, hadn't he seen that? How had he misinterpreted things so poorly? And how had he sunken so far into his own self-pity that he couldn't reach outside of it?
When Cater finally forces himself out of bed for the morning, it's clear to him that he's not going to feel much better without talking to Vil directly. The idea of vomiting his thoughts out in the open is enough to make him want to be really sick, but it's the best he can really do. Put his feelings out there and, in turn, listen to Vil's.
So, he sends him a text. As far as he knows, Vil is free for the day...but who knows. Something could've popped up, or maybe he won't be ready to talk yet and will pretend that he's booked. Not really Vil's style, but Cater can't help thinking it. Somehow, being left on read completely isn't what he's expecting. WTF?
Well, for now, all he can do is head out and try not to obsess. Do not spam Vil Schoenheit's phone with needy texts, he tells himself. It was one thing when he was having a total meltdown while they weren't fighting. Doing it now would just be desperate. Coffee. He needs coffee. Breakfast.
He keeps checking his phone to see if the little "..." might pop up in their text history all the way to and from the cafeteria. Cater's intending to head back to Heartslabyul when he glances up to see Vil. From someone else's view, it might've almost looked like something out of a romance film. Cater looking up from his phone at the top of the main building's staircase. Vil pausing at the end of his jog at the foot of it...
And then Vil about faces and leaves. Cater all but drops his coffee, he is shook.]
V-Vil! Wait up!
[It takes him a second before his brain and his feet catch up with one another and he heads down the staircase. It's all he can do not to totally break out into a run, but that would definitely call too much attention on the both of them. The last thing either of them needs in the middle of this mess is a bunch of nosy classmates taking covert photos and rumor milling about trouble in paradise.
So, Cater does what he does best: pretends that everything is fine. He's not chasing Vil, they just...happen to both be walking in the same direction. Sipping nervously at his coffee, Cater covertly summons a couple of split cards to break off from either side so that either of may be able to cut Vil off at the stables or before the coliseum, depending on which way he keeps going.
Damn, those long legs can walk so fast! Hate to see you go but love to watch you leave, Vil. Cater's definitely regretting that he didn't have his skateboard on him.]
[There's bile burning at the back of his throat. His chest feels too tight. He can't, he can't, he can't.
Instinctively, he moves where there's less people. He feels unsteady, almost weak. And absolutely nauseated. He needs to go back to his dorm, where it's safe—
Cater steps out in front of him, and Vil stops just short of crashing into him, face paling.]
No...
[He starts heading for another direction, but then there's Cater again.
It's been a long while since he's felt all his nerves lit on fire like this. All frayed at the edges. His breath wavers as he backs against the closest wall, head ducking and hands coming up to cover his face.]
[The split card does exactly as intended, holding out his hands to steady Vil. Hey--
But it doesn't get to say anything else before Vil turns again, and that's about when the real Cater catches up. The two Caters share a concerned look as Vil closes himself off, looking more like a cornered animal than he's ever seen. Sharing the same thought process, the split card backs off to give them privacy and keep an eye out. If anyone else gets too close, he'll divert them elsewhere.]
Vil...
[Cater approaches slowly, cautious, putting his coffee down and out of the way, phone stashed in his pocket so his hands are free.]
[Hearing such a tone of voice coming from Vil...the panic, the tears...Cater's heart aches more than it ever has. Even thinking that Vil had dumped him, that didn't hurt half as much. That, Cater felt he deserved. But this? Vil hurting so badly? Did he do this?
Cater hesitates, but only because he's afraid of making things worse. Of saying something so accidentally wrong that Vil shatters into pieces right in front of him. Carefully, Cater's hands reach forward, fingertips brushing against the back of Vil's wrists.]
I'm sorry, Vil. I won't look away.
[There's nothing in him that wants to see Vil like this--but he needs to. Maybe they both do.]
[Those words have a small sob escaping him. The fingers close and he shakes his head again. But there is nothing he can do to make Cater unsee what he had.]
I'm hideous. Poisonous. And you—
[Another sob escapes.]
You didn't even do anything, and yet it still came up. That ugliness that no amount of work or beauty products can cover up...
[His broken tone is begging:]
Get away from me, Cater. Get away from me before my poison kills you.
What happened last night--you didn't hurt me. I hurt me.
[He's not saying it's his fault--even if a part of him still wants to cling onto that belief. But it isn't all on Vil, either. Maybe Vil handed Cater the knife, but he himself is the one who put it in his heart.]
Even at your worst, I want to be with you, just like you've been with me when I'm at mine.
[He stands firm, patient, even as he wants to throw himself at Vil, pull him in and kiss away the tears and the pain.]
When all you can see is ugliness, I want to be here to tell you how beautiful you are.
[He still refuses to remove his hands. They're his only shield in his vulnerable state. Were they being watched? He's sure any onlooker would find him miserably pathetic, right now.
His breath is unsteady. A couple of tears slip out around his fingers.]
... it was all true, you know. Everything I said, I meant it.
[Those charged words. He does enjoy being a villain. He doesn't regret crushing his competition.
And nothing would get in the way of his path for success. Just as he would crush his competition, he would also slow down or stop for no one. Not even his boyfriend.]
[Cater takes a slow breath, feeling his own nerves start to escalate. He's terrified of saying the wrong thing, of accidentally expressing himself in a way that hurts Vil further--but he can't do what he did last night. He can't try and say what he thinks Vil wants to hear. He can only say his own truth.]
And I can't tell you how I'm going to feel in the future. I don't really know what I'm capable of, or where my boundaries are. But I know that I want to try, if you're willing to let me.
[Ah, there it is... the honest truth. And as much as Vil hates the idea of hurting Cater again...
He can't stifle his ambitions or disrespect his autonomy.
He swallows thickly, brows pinched together. Finally, his hands fall away. Reddened eyes, a runny nose and ruined make-up that traced the path of his tears are revealed.
An unseemly sight— rather fitting for the ugliness within, he supposes.
When their eyes meet, Vil looks far more tired than he ever has around anyone else, before.]
[The tension lingers, but it's definitely a good first step. Cater manages a relieved smile as Vil finally drops his hands.]
There you are.
[He can't help it--he reaches up to cup Vil's face, brushing away those tears if he'll let him. After all the emotions they've clearly both been suffering through, he can feel his own face staring to redden as well. In this moment, all that Cater can think is:]
[With that movement and statement, Vil lets out a heavy sigh, tension practically melting away. As if a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders.
A hand comes up to run through his hair, and he turns his head, pressing a kiss to Cater's cheek.]
As long as you understand.
[A couple more moments, and then he pulls back, hand coming up to cup Cater's cheek. There's still some tiredness in his gaze, but mostly, a loving warmth for Cater.]
Would you care to help me touch up my make-up? I only need it to be passable enough to get me to my room where I can properly redo it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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an aside
Aaaah, Trey, what a day! What's for dinner?
[You know, because obviously his food sounds way better than anything at the cafeteria right now. And he's so cute, why wouldn't Trey want to cook for him? Cater gives his best innocent face, poising his face in his hands as he leans across the kitchen counter.]
How about something invigoratingly spicy for the most adorable roommate ever?
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To see that smile so much less forced than usual was a surprise indeed. A surprise and... hm. Maybe a touch concerning? Trey can't help but worry over things, and, well... He just hopes it isn't a fluke, is all.
When Cater comes in, he gives an amused huff.]
Sounds like you had an interesting morning.
[Trey keeps an eye out, and he'd noticed the teen hadn't seemed all that different upon first waking up... but once classes begun, it was as if a weight had lifted off his shoulders.
The request gets some raised eyebrows.]
You're also technically the least adorable roommate ever.
[He hums thoughtfully, a coy look coming to his face.]
I might be willing to make you something... if you tell me what's got you in such high spirits.
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You're so cruel, Trey, holding your culinary skills over my head like that...!
[Just like that, he remembers Vil's request. He said he'd think about it, promised he'd try, and he didn't really mean to do so within 24 hours...instinctively, Cater starts to retreat mentally. Maybe he can get away with keeping things at least somewhat casual.]
So unfair, trying to make me kiss and tell.
[At least that'll give Trey an answer without actually getting real about it.]
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I do like to get some sort of compensation now and then.
[Also, it's just fun to tease Cater and make him squirm.
The words make him raise his eyebrows.]
Kiss and tell? No kidding?
[... huh. It's not like he has eyes on Cater 24/7, but still, it baffles him that he's not really sure who it could be.]
Come on, Cater, we're not in high school anymore. Who is it?
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[Cater can't help his face from starting to color as he remembers Vil's lips against his. He looks away, straightening up as he runs a hand through his hair.]
It's not like I don't trust you or anything, but it's kind of, you know...
[Cater glances around, really triple-checking that nobody's in earshot.]
Peoples' reputations might be at stake? Certain famous people?
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...
What.
Trey promptly stops everything he's doing around to spin and stare at Cater.]
Huh?!
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[It's not like Trey said Vil's name or anything, but Cater still frantically waves his hands in a downward motion. He absolutely does not want anyone else getting curious and coming in to ask for the deets on the commotion.]
Okay yeah so he's out of my league and all that but maybe tone it down on the disbelief and spare my feelings, man!
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It's not that.
[Actually, now that he thinks about it, it is the most logical option. Cater had been too comfortable with Vil to have merely been neighborhood acquaintances. He could only speculate how much more.
... seems he underestimated.
He smirks.]
Just lived in the same neighborhood, huh?
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Okay, so we were pretty close before I moved away.
[But not like Cater ever expected that his feelings for Vil were mutual. This was honestly the kind of scenario that he'd expect from a high school romantic comedy, which is definitely not what his life is.]
But seriously, we were just kids back then. It's been, like, a decade since I'd seen him and we didn't have any contact at all between that time.
[Aside from Cater basically e-stalking him and Vil definitely knowing that he was basically e-stalking him.]
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I believe you, I believe you.
[He starts heading over to the fridge with a smile.]
Still, you must've made a pretty big impact on him. A really big one if those feelings came up even after being separate for so long.
[He reaches over, clapping a hand on his shoulder.]
Good for you. How's some chili sound?
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That sounds good!
[A nice savory dish that he can demolish with hot sauce. Watching as Trey starts to get to work, he pauses, considering his options. It would be so easy to just leave things at that. He was in a good mood because he was kissed by Vil Schoenheit. And then kissed Vil Schoenheit. Shared kisses with Vil Schoenheit.
It's so, so tempting to change the subject into something completely innocuous that he saw on Magicam. His phone is already in his hand again. If he gives in to that safety net, though, fires up his defenses, will he have the courage to take them back down again? Cater's not so sure that he will. So, the phone gets stashed into a pocket as Cater braces himself.]
Actually, things started off pretty rough this morning. I almost came back to the dorm to hide and skip out on all my classes. Nobody would've known the difference between me and one of my split cards.
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Then Cater speaks up, and Trey full-on freezes in his movements, back to him. Had he heard correctly? In all their years, for all of Trey's jibing, Cater had never actually talked to him about anything remotely like this. Sure, they had some meaningful conversations, but this was... different.
After a moment, Trey starts moving again to prepare the food. He keeps his voice fairly calm and casual like Cater hasn't turned his world upside-down twice in a matter of minutes.]
...heh, that's true.
[A white lie. Trey knew. He just pretended to never notice.]
What changed your mind?
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All the times he and Trey have been level with each other, it's never been about himself. The second he was the center of attention, Cater went back to that place where nobody could get too close or know too much. But now, inexplicably, he shares.]
I was riding pretty high on being kissed, for one thing.
[His voice evens out.]
But more than that, he asked me not to make him the only person I let in. I thought running away would be a bad way to start. It would've made things a lot harder for me, and it's already pretty hard as it is.
[Cater takes a breath, then, hands clenching and unclenching before he shoves them under the counter and against his legs.]
My mask is off, now.
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After everything's set to be on its own, he stops for a moment. Vil did, huh? That makes sense. Cater never would've opened up to him on his own otherwise.
This is... a lot more than he'd ever expected.
After gathering himself together, he turns around and walks over to Cater, gaze softened. He reaches out, putting a hand on his shoulder.]
What you're doing takes a lot of courage, you know.
[A gentle smile.]
I'm proud of you, Cater.
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[Proud of him, huh? Damn it. How could he steamroll over his expectations so easily? How can he be so nice to him when he's been so fake and so cold and so unwilling to actually be a good friend? Cater ducks his head as Trey's gentleness and understanding threatens to completely rupture him. His throat clenches shut and he tries to gulp past it.
How can you say that when I'm such a coward? I don't want to do this. I never wanted to do this.]
I never thought...
[Each sentiment is harder than the last one. He knows if he isn't careful, he'll just spill everything out at once and he doesn't want to just dump all of his dark thoughts all over his friend.]
I never thought I'd see you again. It was always like that. Every time I got comfortable with someone, I had to leave. The better of friends I am with someone, the worse it is. High School graduation was supposed to be the last time I ever saw you, but we're here together and I can't help how attached I'm getting, but even this has a deadline. Once we're in our senior year, we won't be here anymore. We'll have festivals and then what? It haunts me. I think about it every single day. I think if I slip up, if I'm not careful, someone's going to get too close and I'm going to let it happen, and the fallout is going to be devastating.
[He should've known. He was already feeling fragile. Of course he wouldn't be able to stop himself.]
You shouldn't be proud of me, Trey. I still don't think this is a good idea, because I want it so badly.
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He lets out a small sigh at the end. That's... incredibly heavy. He'd always had a suspicion what was going on in Cater's mind, but never had this clear a picture. A lot of things make sense, now.]
Sounds like you have a lot of experience with abandonment.
[It's a quiet comment as he stews over what all he heard.
Finally, he goes with:]
I know this might be difficult to believe, but you aren't someone who I've just tolerated through high school and into college. You're my friend, and I care about you.
It wasn't ever as if I was just going to forget about you. Even if we both hadn't ended up here, I still had full intention of keeping in contact.
But... I guess I still didn't do it often enough to have you think otherwise.
[If there was anything he could have done, really. Cater seems to be fully immersed in this story where he's always alone. Besides being a self-fulfilling prophecy, any genuine attempts at connection are less likely to be noticed. Easier to doubt.]
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No, no, it isn't you. I've been running away. I started running away before we met.
[After losing Vil. It had always hurt, losing friends. But that one had been too much. He just wanted someone to be there with him, but how could he trust that he could stay?]
If we weren't here and you'd messaged me, I'd probably have blown you off until you stopped trying.
[Even being plain now, even being told that he matters, he still feels like he needs to run away. He believes Trey, and he believes Vil, but that's the problem. That's what's so scary.]
I can't help thinking that no matter what either of us do, something's going to happen that's completely outside of our control. I can't shut out that voice.
[Cater clutches at his own hair.]
It's so loud.
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Deep, slow breaths, Cater.
[The rubbing of his back has slowed even more, his voice lowering, everything to emanate calm for his friend.]
Why don't you head to our room and lay down for a bit? I'll be there with food in about fifteen minutes.
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Yeah...yeah I should probably do that. Sorry--I didn't mean to get so intense all of a sudden.
[Stupid, pathetic, weak idiot, he chides himself. Look at you, making everyone uncomfortable. This is what happens when you're honest. Cater still has to take another minute, but then he stands. Just in case he runs into anyone else on the way to their room, he needs to slap his mask back on.]
And, uh...thanks. I really appreciate this. [A beat, and then he clarifies.] I mean you. I really appreciate you.
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[Trey stays there with him, slowly rubbing his back the entire time.
He's worried for him, but... he's relieved, too. Now, he had at least two people to help him battle the demons in his head. It would take time, but this is incredible progress all the same.
He gives him a reassuring smile as he stands. The words have his smile warming.]
Of course. You sharing all of this means a lot to me.
[A light pat to the back.]
And when I come to the room, I'm happy to go at whatever pace works best for you.
[His hand slides back up to his shoulder and gives a reaffirming squeeze before finally withdrawing, and Trey walks back to the stove to tend to the food.]
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That for as scary as it is, maybe it's worth the risk to reach out and take the hands offered to him. Maybe they'll keep him from falling.]
Okay--that sounds good to me.
[He watches Trey get back to work for a long few seconds before retreating up to their room, where he can slip out of his shoes and fall hard onto his mattress face-first. Undoing his hair with one hand and flinging the bobby pins somewhere absently in the direction of his nightstand, Cater screams into his pillow.]
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He wouldn't tell a soul, of course. He wouldn't let anyone know anything had passed between them, and let nothing seem different in their interactions. He knew that persona was Cater's desperately needed safe space, and too many people catching on too soon was bound to spell disaster.
And he'd have to let Cater know as such, too. He didn't want his acting as if nothing had changed to come off the wrong way. He knew there was only so much he could do to ease such a distressed mind, but the least he could do was try his best.
So roughly about fifteen minutes later, he knocks, announces himself, then comes in with two servings of chili for the both of them.
Naturally, he grabbed the hot sauce for Cater, and he sets that and his portion on Cater's beside table.]
Feeling any calmer?
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Yeah, definitely. I know you told me I didn't have to be sorry but I can't help feeling a little bad. I really went from 0 to 100 on you.
[The smell of fresh food reminds him just how hungry he is and he reaches for the bowl and hot sauce, thankful for Trey all over again.]
Aahhh, this smells so good! You're the best, Trey--thanks for dinner!
[Even though the tone's the most lighthearted he's sounded since earlier, the eagerness in which he digs in once he's thoroughly spiced his chili is evidence enough that he's not just putting on airs.]
How are you so good at cooking and baking?
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[Trey's not a person whose friendships are based on obligation. And Trey will keep repeating these sentiments as many times as the teen needs for him to really, truly begin to believe that.
His smile brightens as Cater perks up at the food, and he walks over to his bed, taking a seat. The question gets a chuckle.]
Lots of practice, mainly. It helps when food's a pretty central part of your family.
—geeze, slow down a bit or you're going to choke. If you're that hungry, just focus on eating.
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[Okay he'll swallow and let out a happy breath before he keeps talking, because he knows his manners.]
Two emotional breakdowns in the span of roughly 12 hours takes a lot out of a person. This chili is healing me.
[The fact that it was made by Trey is really all that matters. It could've tasted like anything and just sharing it with his friend fills him with a warmth beyond the temperature of the food itself.]
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[Poor guy. Just the one with Trey had seemed like it could take someone out for the rest of the day. And he had two? No wonder he wanted to just retreat to the dorm.
He takes a bite of his own, and, after swallowing, he says:]
You know, it might not be a bad idea to give yourself a sick day tomorrow. You've been through a lot, and taking days off for mental health is both becoming more common and encouraged.
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[Cater can't help his mind going to thoughts of will people wonder why I'm not in class? And especially since he had such an important moment with Vil this morning, would he be worried not seeing him around?]
I think I'll see how I feel in the morning. See if I get enough sleep to feel grounded.
[It's progress, at least. He isn't blowing off the idea. His doubts have the wheel but he's pushing down on the breaks.]
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So he gives a hum of acknowledgment and eats. As he nears the end of his meal, he gently lays the utensils on the dish.
His voice is quiet and sober.]
I really do want to stress how much it means to me. I've worried over you a long time.
Mostly... I'm just happy to see you making a change, at all. It's a huge relief.
But the fact you've also decided to come to me... means a lot. I've always wished I could do more.
Now, I finally can.
Even if you still think it's a bad idea... even if you didn't want to... I'm still grateful.
Thanks, Cater.
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I struggle a lot with feeling powerless to change things--I'm sorry that I made you feel that way, too.
[Cater's not sure if anything really can be done. But from where he's sitting now, the worst of his anxiety temporarily quelled?]
More than anything, I'm just relieved.
[From now on, when it's just the two of them, he doesn't have to be someone he isn't. He had no idea that such a concept would take so much weight off of his shoulders.]
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What matters is you've made a pivotal change. Now we can work together to get you on the right track.
[A softened smirk at that.]
Good. You deserve to have that weight off your shoulders. Take it easy for a bit.
[And then he remembers and loosely crosses his arms.]
Oh yeah. Don't worry, I won't let on that anything's changed. That reveal is yours to decide if and when you want to do it.
When we're in public, it'll be same old, same old. Sound good?
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[He figured that Trey wouldn't just out him to everyone in any kind of way, but having that reassurance put into words is helpful. The people closest to him would likely be at least some manner of kind, but there are plenty of others who he's sure would talk. Both about his different attitude and about his relationship with Vil. People always talk.]
You're really a great friend.
[Probably better than he deserves, but Cater's not so selfless that he's going to turn him away now. It took him so much courage and the rallying of outside forces to get to where they are; Trey was now firmly in the inner circle.]
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[He gives a little grin, then gets up, reaching to take Cater's dishes.]
Soooo... you and Mr. Lucky. [Yup, the teasing is back.] How do you plan on making this work out? People already notice the two of you hanging out together. And you know him, eyes no matter where he goes.
[A grin.]
Is this shaping up to be the beginning of a forbidden love?
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Okay, first of all, if anyone is Mr. Lucky in this situation it's definitely me.
[Second of all...?]
I absolutely, totally have no idea! I guess I'm pretty chill with whatever he thinks is best? I mean, he absolutely has the most to lose.
[Though thinking about it, dating in public? Cater's probably going to have to brace himself for an insane amount of online flaming.]
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First of all, pretty sure you're both lucky. Ask him yourself.
[Do it. He dares you.
There's a hum at the next part.]
Is he? Can't say I really know much about that life.
And I don't know too much about him, either, but... He comes off as the kind of guy who knows exactly what he wants, you know? Not someone who just jumps into situations without thinking.
However this might affect him, I'm pretty sure he's already considered it— and believed you were worth it.
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[He gets it, Trey! The self-deprecation can stay at the door. But Vil's, like, the most incredible person ever. Cater doesn't even have to compare himself to him to think that it could cause some kind of scandal if even one picture of them holding hands or kissing got out. At least just hanging out normally, nobody can accuse them of being anything other than good friends. They could think it, but who would want to get on Vil's bad side, seriously? The guy is terrifying when he wants to be.
Which Cater thinks is totally dreamy, but that's not something Trey needs to hear.]
You're right, though. He's probably already way ahead of me. I just need to ask him how he wants to move forward from here.
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Sounds like a plan. And don't forget to speak up if there's anything you're not okay with.
[...but Trey has a good feeling they'll be alright. Vil doesn't seem like a guy who'd treat a romantic interest poorly.]
I'm heading down to put away the dishes, and then I'll be out for a bit. Shoot me a message if you need anything.
the truth come out
But the problem with celebrity romances? They're damn near impossible to keep under wraps for long.
The two come upon Cater with a few other boys. Trey and Riddle exchange glances before Trey calls out.]
Hey, Cater!
[A couple of the people confronting him look over, but Cater doesn't. And nor does he respond.
Riddle's expression hardens. Trey reaches out with a hand to touch Riddle's shoulder. Quietly, he whispers to him, then moves forward, heedless of the other boys.]
Yo, I've been looking everywhere for you. Let's get going!
Your glasses broken, four-eyes? We're in the middle of something!
no subject
What the Hell?
It's so surprising that the obvious answer doesn't hit him, but the second he opens Magicam his stomach drops. It's all he can do not to exclaim out loud, and forgetting himself ultimately gets called out by the professor. It's the only reason Cater puts his phone away, but he spends the rest of the class agitated, his legs restless. Vil, he has to call Vil. Has to see Vil. Has to get out of here.
When the bell lets them go he's out of his seat and out the door before anyone can stop him. As much as he wants to run, he keeps himself at a brisk pace, trying to keep some manner of calm about him on his way to Heartslabyul. Of course he wouldn't be so fortunate. Cater's attention is halfway focused on his phone as he walks, so he doesn't even notice as the other boys crowd in on him. All of a sudden his path is blocked, and he's forced to stop and face them head-on.
Nothing like this has ever happened before, but it's not like he's never had to face a bully before. It's been awhile, but when it has happened (more recently when he's stepping in to help out an underclassman more than himself) he's generally able to diffuse the situation with an easy sort of charm. Right now, Cater can't think straight enough to keep himself in check. Their words and accusations sting, digging in like barbs in his weakest points.
From their distance, their conversation isn't easy to hear, and Cater's voice is low as he says something. Whatever it was, it clearly couldn't have been good, because all the bullies swing their attention directly back to Cater with a look of surprise, and then anger. One of them grabs him roughly by the front of his shirt, threatening.]
You think you're real hot shit all of a sudden, don't you?
[Things are escalating fast, but Cater doesn't make any kind of move to defend himself.]
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[Riddle bodily gets in between himself and the other students, and with a deft hand, he reaches out to grab a pressure point of the student grabbing Cater, causing him to release his grip.
He isn't letting go.]
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't send you all to the infirmary and call it self-defense.
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You're as pale as a ghost... What was that about?
[It's more Trey wondering out loud than actually asking. He doesn't really expect to get an answer.
For now, it's straight to the dorm, and to their shared room.]
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Someone got a picture of Vil and I. They gave it to the press. It's everywhere.
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Trey keeps walking, reassuring Cater that they're almost there.]
And Vil?
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[The sentiment is all but hissed through his teeth. He didn't have very much time to try him before getting his attention monopolized by a gaggle of pissed off fans, but if Vil doesn't pick up right away or give some other form of response, he probably isn't going to for awhile. He's torn between the urge to keep calling and not to touch his phone until he sees Vil's name pop up on the screen. Both ideas trigger a different kind of anxiety.]
I didn't think this would happen so soon!
[And of course his Magicam account was found so quickly; if the shoe was on the other foot he would've dug it up, too. He hadn't had the time to change his privacy settings. And if he did it now, would it make things worse? Like he was trying to hide?]
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But even if he does, he knows it's probably hell on Cater's anxious mind. At least in their room, they can get some semblance of privacy for now.]
Breathe, Cater. Breathe...
[And when they get to their room, Trey ushers Cater in, closing the door behind them.]
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He needed Vil to be here to tell him that he wasn't ruining his career.
At some point on their way to Heartslabyul, Cater grabs onto Trey's jacket, his fingers latching in to find some kind of physical grounding. He only lets go when he hears the door to their dorm close behind them--and not even making it to his bed, he sinks down to the floor, scrabbling for his phone as he lets his face fall and his breathing come out ragged. There's no way he could unmute it until the settings were fixed. As comments ping one after the other he looks to see if there's been anything from Vil since he last checked.]
Nothing--where is he?
[The phone falls from his hands and onto the carpet. He's not usually so careless, but...]
I think I'm going to be sick.
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He's probably busy with work. He might not even have heard the news yet.
[Logical reassurances, to battle the dark thoughts that are no doubt ramping up Cater's anxiety.
Gently, he coaxes him, half-grabbing and gently pulling him in the direction of the bathroom.
There's a great temptation to reassure, to comfort, but what words would be helpful right now aside from the ones he offered?
Maybe the best thing was just to wait for Cater's words, should they come, and try to offer reassurances where he could. Aside from that... maybe an emotional release was what he needed most.]
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Things were going so well.
[Not just with Vil, but with himself. Once the worst of the fear had passed him, Cater had been settling into a new normal with him and with Trey. He'd been feeling better about himself. There was a part of him that new that whenever this happened, it was going to be hard, but...he'd sort of convinced himself that they were being so careful they'd be able to announce it on their own terms.]
I know all the things I'm thinking aren't true but I can't tune them out.
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It's hard, but Cater's processing it. That's what's important.
Gently, he coaxes:]
What are you thinking?
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That I'm bad for him. His social standing is going to go down and it'll be my fault. That nobody is going to approve of me. That he's going to realize I'm way more trouble than I'm worth. And that's to say nothing about the way I look.
[People on the Internet sure are vicious. He knew it already but oof, this is a new level. Cater's gotten the odd mean comment here or there but he's never had such outright, vitriolic hate sent in his direction.]
I've never had anyone tell me they wish I was dead, before. Not sure I know what to do with how that feels.
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The latter comments have his blood boiling. No wonder Cater had gotten so bad, so fast. Damnit...]
You're doing good. Keep talking.
[Be here. Be supportive. Let Cater know that he isn't judging him. That he's free to speak his mind.
Trey just hopes that will be enough.]
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I've spent almost my whole life trying not to offend anyone for any reason.
[Which, of course, is why he'd always suffer through his own discomfort. Why he'd never just say that he doesn't like sweets when it's such a small thing to express instead of forcing back pastry after pastry.]
And now it's like the whole world is disgusted by me. How's anyone supposed to like themselves when so many people have so much to say about everything that's wrong with you?
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And then, gently but firmly, he tugs Cater away from the toilet, pulling him into a snug, secure embrace.]
Not the whole world.
[He gives a squeeze.]
No matter what you do, no matter what you think or say, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.
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Once the wracking sobs leave him, Cater tries and subtly bring a hand up to wipe at his face.]
Thank you.
[The voices of thousands of critics haven't silenced, but they've become a muffled roar underneath his tiredness. Slowly, Cater starts to relax just a little bit more.]
I'm sorry, I know that it can't be easy to deal with me when I'm like this.
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He continues rubbing his back through it, his own brand of exhaustion threatening to peek through the cracks. But he doesn't complain, not out loud and not in his mind. Cater needed him, so he was going to be here for him; that was all there was to it.
The comments has him pursing his lips a bit, and his hand comes up, lightly ruffling Cater's hair.]
Easier than seeing you repressing everything and not being able to do anything about it.
[That much is absolutely and wholly true. The agony of knowing and being unable to help isn't something he's going to miss anytime soon.
His voice lowers and sobers.]
Four years isn't that easily broken. And I'll keep saying all these things as much as you need them heard— even if that means for the rest of our lives.
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The rest of our lives, huh?
[Cater chuckles dryly, finally feeling stable enough to back off of Trey and sit back. He smiles slightly through the overall misery that fills his face.]
Guess that means I have just as much teasing to look forward to.
[Taking a steadying breath, his hand acts on its own, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Maybe there's been word from Vil?]
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You know it.
[And then he sees Cater going back for the phone. Mmm...
He reaches out, hand gently laying over the screen.]
Let's take a break from the phone for a bit.
[His gaze softens.]
Let me send a message to Vil to know to reach out to me. That way we can keep your phone off for awhile.
Remember what I told you the day you took off your mask? This isn't his first rodeo. He knows his way around his space better than either of us do.
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You're right.
[There's no way he's going to be able to turn his own brain off, but the phone right now is a constant feed of negativity. It'll only make things way worse. He offers it to Trey fully.]
Take it. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself I have it anywhere near me right now.
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He takes the phone and uses it for a moment, brow twitching briefly at first, then smoothing out as he sends off a message.
Then, he's powering it down and sliding it into a pocket, just as a knock comes at the door.]
Cater? Trey? It's me.
[Riddle's voice... Trey looks to Cater, and says softly.]
I'll take care of it.
[And he rises to go do so.]
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Riddle's been a force to be reckoned with since he arrived at Night Raven College. On one hand, a huge stressor on both himself and the rest of the Heartslabyul dorm. On the other, being the kind of person who can go along with any kind of leadership, and being that he's so close with Trey, all it took was some rule memorization to become friendly with the underclassman. If there was anyone else he could count on as a friend and as someone who could understand sacrificing their own wants to meet the expectations of others...it was certainly Riddle.
Cater takes a breath. He can't really get more uncomfortable than he already is. Trey's nearly made it to the door when he makes his decision, rising shakily to his feet and exiting the bathroom.]
It's okay. He can come in.
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And Riddle does, stepping inside and looking over at Cater. Immediately, he jolts, and as Trey closes the door behind him, the new Housewarden walks to close the distance between them.]
Cater! Are you alright? Those other students didn't hurt you, did they?
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There's an instinct to quickly fix the look on his face, but that would defeat the purpose of this. So, instead, Cater just braces himself. He makes sure that his face is dry.]
No, they didn't hurt me, thanks to you. It's just been...a really rough day. Did I worry you? Sorry about that.
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It's okay..
[His look switches back and forth between him and Trey slowly.]
What all happened, exactly? If it's alright for me to ask.
[Trey looks to Cater, giving him a nod. Just give him a signal, a nod, anything, and Trey would gladly take the reins if he felt it was too much.]
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You mean with those guys?
[Nothing really, is what he wants to say, but of course that would be a lie.]
They found out that I'm dating Vil Schoenheit, and they're big fans so they were putting me down about it.
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But what he says next completely derails all train of thought.
His hand flies up in alarm.]
Eeehhhh?!
What, but I... I had no idea! How could I miss something like that?
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It's not your fault, Riddle. They were trying pretty hard to keep things under wraps.
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[Cater moves to sit down heavily on the edge of his bed.]
Well, actually, I think Rook Hunt knows, but he's kind of like, you know, weirdly observant about Vil.
[And everyone else, but he's not really going to go down a rabbit hole thinking about Rook and how weird he is.]
Vil's such a big deal, we were planning on keeping it on a need-to-know basis until...
[He trails off as he realizes he has no idea when that time would've been. Would it ever be a good idea, considering Vil's fame? How many people there are who probably fantasize about him being their boyfriend, lover, husband? Cater frowns slightly.]
Doesn't really matter, now. It's all over the Internet.
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At the end of it, he brings a hand up thoughtfully.]
So... what does this mean, exactly? I'm not very knowledgeable about celebrity life.
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You already saw some of the fallout. Unfortunately, people are downright nasty online as well.
[There's a quizzical look, and Trey looks a bit uncomfortable.]
Let's just say... fans can get a bit possessive over their idols. So they're not really happy with Cater "taking" him, so to speak.
[He crosses his arms.]
That said, though, I think this will be the worst of it. It'll be news for awhile... Maybe a few days, I guess? And then life will go on.
Though Cater's going to have to contend with some increased attention.
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Lots of gossip and rumors, most of it online, but probably some on television as well. I'm used to seeing this happen as a member of the audience but I've never been in the hot seat, before.
[His hands itch. He wants his phone. Thank Seven for Trey once more.]
I'm waiting for Vil to tell me how he wants to address it--from now on, I've got to be really careful about what I do or say, because it could reflect poorly on him. I just wish we'd had time to talk about it first.
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That said...
[His gaze narrows, and he touts darkly, giving a sharp gesture of his hand.]
I will absolutely not tolerate any such behavior on the dorm grounds. If you receive any harassment, Cater, I want the incident reported to me at once so the culprits can be dealt with promptly.
[He gets to a stand.]
I will call for a meeting tonight before dinner to give a reminder. Here in Heartslabyul, we are associates, not some schoolchildren to spread and act upon rumors. Cater, and anyone else in this dorm, for that matter, should be treated as a respected colleague.
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[It isn't fine, really, but at least he isn't smiling and laughing about it. When Riddle really goes into full Queen of Hearts mode, Cater doesn't really know how to react. He glances at Trey briefly, chewing on the inside of his cheek.]
I'll let you know if anything else happens, but you'll keep my name out of it, right? I'd rather not be singled out any further than I already am.
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Of course. That goes without saying.
[Riddle hesitates for a moment. He's rather caught by the expression on Cater's face. It's such a far cry from his usual demeanor, he's not sure how to reconcile it in his head.
Finally, after a moment, he closes his eyes.]
... and if there's anything else that I can do for you, please let me know, alright?
I may be the new Housewarden, but I don't want that to make me seem unapproachable. I still want to do whatever I can to help.
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Thanks, Riddle. I appreciate your help, and you checking in on me.
[He hesitates, wanting to say more but having a much harder time with his words than he normally does.]
We're friends, so...I'm glad I got to share this with you on my own before you found out somewhere else.
[Even if that's mostly because Riddle's so studious that he barely knows his way around a smartphone.]
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He gives a nod, then gives pause.]
I expect the two of you will be there?
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Yeah, no problem. We'll see you.
[Riddle gives a nod, heading out. It's once the door is closed and Trey's sure he's had some time to leave that he looks to Cater.]
If you decide to split a card, I'll be none the wiser.
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I'm gonna have to, I think. I'm a mess.
[Even if he put his mask back on, he knows it won't be nearly as convincing as it was before. Kind of hard to act unaffected when your eyes are red and your face is blotchy. Besides that, word had probably spread through much more of the school by now. Even if Cater wasn't being singled out by Riddle, he has a feeling some of their dormmates are going to be able to read between the lines.]
You think that was okay to do? Show Riddle my real face, I mean.
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As for that question...]
It surprised me, that's for sure.
[He reaches up to shift his glasses.]
I think it was fine, but either way, trust your gut. I don't think you'd readily reveal yourself to someone who doesn't have a fair chance of being understanding.
And Riddle goes hard on rules, but he has a heart of gold. Granted, you may have opened yourself up to some mother henning from him. So just let him know if it gets to be too much for you.
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[With a groan, Cater flops backward, coiling around a pillow. He feels so drained he's sure he could fall asleep, but he'll have to stay up long enough to make sure his split card doesn't vanish mid-meeting. If only his other selves could eat for him, too, but unfortunately transferring stomach contents is definitely not how it works.]
Mother henning from Riddle Rosehearts--I'm too scared to imagine what that looks like. I'll have to start studying more of the rules.
[All he can think is how he's way more likely to mess one up if Riddle's paying bigger attention. Ugh, what a drag. But Trey's right, Riddle means well, so it's not like he's really all that upset.]
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[Ok Trey.
That's when his phone starts vibrating, and he blinks, taking it out. He taps on it, and brings it up to his ear.]
Hey, it's Trey. [His gaze softens quickly after.] Hey, Vil.
[He gives a small smile at Cater.] He's hanging in there. It was pretty rough, but we worked through the worst of it.
[...] Mn, sure thing.
[And then he walks over to Cater, reaching out to offer him the phone.]
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Vil!
[He can't help the way his voice creeps higher, unnatural.]
Where are you right now? I tried calling, but I couldn't get through--
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I was at my shoot. Ugh, what a mess.
I'm sorry, Cater. I really should have taken time to better prepare you for this. You'd think I'd have known better.
Do you have time to meet face-to-face?
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Oh--right. I'm sorry, I totally forgot that was today. I shouldn't have blown up your phone like that.
[He sounds irritated, but not at him, so Cater relaxes a little.]
Yeah, wherever you are now, I can be there.
[In fact, he's already swinging out of bed. Doesn't really matter where he is when he sets his split card loose, and he knows he's not going to be able to rest anyway, so going to Vil is definitely the best option.]
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[At least Vil knew just how distressed Cater was. It'd have been worse if he played it off like it didn't bother him.]
It will be a bit, but I can meet you at the tower.
[His tone drops and softens a bit:]
How are you doing?
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[He doesn't care how long he has to wait; the promise of Vil is worth it. Cater lets out a tired chuckle.]
Yeah, I'm not great, but I'm better than I was.
[There's still an urge to tell Vil that he's good, he's fine, don't worry, what I'm going through isn't worth your trouble. He's able to stamp that down, at least, not wanting to hide things from the most important person in his life.]
I've got the world's greatest friend to thank for that. And hearing your voice does wonders, too.
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He takes Cater's phone out of his pocket, offering it to him.]
That's a relief. I'm glad Trey was able to help. You certainly made the right choice in confiding in him.
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[He grins at Trey slightly as he takes the phone back, putting it into his own pocket without turning it on--he'll wait until he's with Vil, too afraid of being alone with everything he can see.]
Okay, I'm going to give Trey his phone back, so I'm going dark. See you soon?
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[Vil hangs up.
Trey is relieved. He'd had a pretty good feeling about Vil, and based on everything so far, he's handling everything, even the negative parts of their relationship, pretty well.
A good thing— Cater isn't remotely yet in the mindset to properly defend himself, should someone unjustly put him down or try to take advantage of him.]
I'll handle things on this end.
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Thanks--and I really mean it, you know? You're a lifesaver.
[A second later, and Cater's summoned a second of himself. The copy can't help that it has the same sort of tired eyes, but it doesn't have any problems beaming.]
I'll help, too! [Though it does also add in a whine:] I wish I could be the one kissing Vil, though. Lucky~
[Not really paying any mind to his split card, the original Cater heads toward the window. Not like it's his first rodeo sneaking out. Once he's clear of Heartslabyul, it isn't long before he makes it to his destination. At this point, the campus is fairly empty, so he doesn't have to try too hard to avoid unwanted attention. The worst of it is being there first, struggling to keep his hands off his phone and pacing. Each second feels like hours, but he knows that Vil will be there as soon as he can.]
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[After about ten minutes, he's finally arrived, a small smile on his face. While he'd gotten off some of the make-up, he's still a bit more done than usual, the make-up enhancing and softening his features.]
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I'm so glad you're here.
[He had been drowning. Trey was keeping his face above water as best as he could, but with Vil here, it finally felt like he was being pulled from the waves.]
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Oh, Cater... I'm sorry. I've long since been desensitized to such rabble. I suppose it didn't fully occur to me how... well, traumatizing it can actually be.
[He turns his head and presses a kiss to his temple.]
Come. Let's sit.
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I knew this would probably happen eventually, but I should've asked you to prepare me for it more. For such a big-time Internet user you'd think I'd have been more ready for how vitriolic people could be.
[Especially where Vil is concerned. Anyone that beautiful and with those kinds of numbers in popularity tend to attract even the worst sort of people.]
My Magicam account was completely open, and since I was already your fan and we go to the same school, it was super easy for everyone to find me once that picture of us got leaked.
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Good grief. Wild, untamed spuds, the lot of them.
[He gives his hand a squeeze.]
I'm afraid that... while this initial period will die down, you will always catch some of the spillover from my career. That is the life of a celebrity; constantly under scrutiny and criticism to the point their closest people invariably get caught in the crossfire.
[His hand drifts up and strokes through his hair, his eyes closing. His voice is... unusually solemn.]
That is a lot to ask of you. Of anyone. And... I wouldn't blame you if that wasn't a life you wanted.
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He sits up straight, looking Vil in the face with an intensity bordering on desperation in his eyes.]
The life that I want is the one where I'm by your side, period.
[Everything else that comes with it? It's just something that he'll have to learn how to deal with.]
As long as I'm not holding you back, I'm fine with whatever else happens.
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He can't help but give a smile at the last part, and he leans forward, pressing a brief kiss to his lips.]
You holding me back... Now where would you get such a ridiculous notion in your head?
[He lets their foreheads rest together.]
You've made me feel more human than I have in years.
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If that's what you're telling me, it doesn't matter what anyone else says.
[The lies, the insults, the threatening language...it all fades to background static underneath Vil's truth.]
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[Cater really is something else. He stays there for a bit, fingers threading through the soft, auburn locks.]
Don't you need to be going back soon? Wouldn't want to lose your head, and all.
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The unstoppable force of Trey combined with my unique magic is taking care of that.
[Poor Riddle. How can he truly be expected to maintain his orderly house when he's got such crafty righthand men?]
I don't need to hurry...and I wouldn't anyway, even if it meant punishment. Just being able to be here with you is worth it. [Pausing, he adds:] And I think Riddle would take it easy on me, just this once.
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[Impressive. Cater's already discovered his own unique magic as well. His gaze softens at the next part, and he smiles warmly.
The final addition has him giving a curious look.]
What makes you say that?
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[But he doesn't really want to relive that, so hurries to move on with more details.]
So when he came to check on me, I sorta...let him see how I was really feeling.
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Did they, now...
[Mm... but Cater doesn't want to talk about it. So... he'll let it go, for now, his expression smoothing back out.]
Did you? ...I see. [He can't help but smile at that. Cater's already come such a long way.
He presses a kiss to his lips again, holding it for a moment, before pulling back.]
Good. The world needs more of the real Cater.
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The real Cater hardly has the energy to take on the world, but...Riddle's got a good heart. Way too uptight, but I'm working on seeing people as the friends that they are.
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[And he'll go back in for that kiss, since Cater was so eager for it.]
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Okay. As long as you’re with me I can keep working on it.
[He let’s a quiet moment pass, just savoring the closeness he gets to share with his special person. They do have some serious matters to talk about, though, and Cater knows he’ll feel worse if he doesn’t address them now.]
So…about this whole media storm. Is there anything I should do or not do?
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At the question, he hums softly.]
That is mainly up to you and your comforts and limits.
I will say that engaging with people who attempt to put you down, insult you or otherwise "call you out" is fruitless, but I'm sure you already know that.
[He threads his fingers through his hair again.]
You can choose to engage as your persona, yourself... or not at all.
Either way, I wouldn't take it too seriously. It amounts about as much to rumors and gossip in high school.
[He gives a light sigh.] That being said... I can't imagine some of the things you've already read and heard can be too good on your mind. So I would suggest taking some time off of social media for awhile.
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[He’s straight up addicted to his phone and he’ll admit it. Cater closes his eyes, focusing on the sensation of Vil’s fingers in his hair.]
Would you do me a favor and change my notification settings on Magicam? I don’t want to suddenly private everything but I can’t have my phone blowing up constantly…and it’s not like I can just keep it off.
[He’s hoping without the push notifications he’ll be less likely to crawl through the different comments. Baby steps.]
I don’t really plan on actively engaging with anyone but I guess I’m wondering how public you want to be. With me, I mean.
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[Vil is glad Cater is able to keep reasonably calm, especially during such an understandably stressful time.]
Keeping everything private between us from the start was for your benefit.
[He gives a little smile.]
When I'm questioned about it, I intend to be completely honest. There is nothing for me to hide or feel ashamed of.
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Really? You would've just announced us from the very first day?
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[He kisses Cater's forehead.]
Now, that said, I won't do anything without your blessing. And if you continue to want things as private as possible, we can certainly go that route. It's definitely much more feasible in a secluded location like NRC.
I can handle whatever route we take. My only concern is how it impacts you.
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[Making all these assumptions, pretending it was for Vil's benefit when it was really himself. All his insecurities, the fear of all of this ending. Well, now it's louder and more clear than ever: Vil had said forever and he was holding the door, waiting. Taking his hand, Cater kisses the back of the supermodel's knuckles.]
I think I'm done hiding.
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Good. Because there's nothing for you to hide or feel ashamed of, either.
[And he presses a slow, lingering kiss to Cater's lips once more.]
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Now he's here and he wants him. Not for his money or for his looks but for him. So much that he would endure panic attacks and nervous meltdowns and toxic fans all for him.
It's enough to take his breath away and make him feel lightheaded.
Feeling emboldened, he decides to test his luck by opening his mouth slightly and pressing his tongue against Cater's lips.]
Post-Overblot Riddle
It'd taken everything in him to piece himself together enough to allow Trey and Cater to guide him back to the dorm and into his room. Everything to bottle the wracking sobs that threatened to burst forth again with everything breath. Everything to tighten the muscles in his throat to stop the whimpers from slipping out.
He managed, too, to keep it down while he was treated. Though he felt a persistent pressure behind his eyes, no further tears formed while the nurse tended to him. Quiet and subdued, he complied with any instructions, then thanked him for his service.
And when the nurse is gone, he's left staring up at the ceiling with Trey and Cater at either side, who'd been practically glued there since he came down from his Overblot. He looks drained, still feels like his heart has been torn open and like he wants to sob. Yet, the tears don't resume.
Instead, he takes a shaky breath, arm laying over his face.]
...you two can go. I'll be fine.
[Eventually.]
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But of course, it wasn't fine. They were all exhausted, emotionally charged. There was plenty of relief that Riddle was going to be alright, that a big part of his issues had been addressed, but that didn't mean there wasn't plenty of other things to address. Cater is glad to be sitting down, his expression serious with it just being the three of them.
When Riddle speaks, he lets out a humorless laugh.]
It's okay not to be fine right now.
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Trey, for his part, it the picture of calm steadiness and reassurance. Except something's a bit off in his gaze right now— like he isn't entirely here. Like his mind is playing out some scenario that never happened.
It doesn't stop him from being here, hands holding one of Riddle's and giving it a comforting squeeze. That hand that was holding onto him like a lifeline.]
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Still, he wrestles to maintain control with logic, keeping a hand on Riddle's opposite shoulder as he cries.
There isn't much that can be or needs to be said right now: simply being there is the best they can do. So Cater doesn't say anything until Riddle's tears of stopped and he seems on the verge of falling asleep.]
We should let you rest--but if you need anything, we're just on the other side of that door, okay?
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Once the sobs stop, he looks absolutely exhausted. He squeezes both of their hands gently, giving a mute nod.
Slowly, he withdraws his hands, and Trey withdraws his as well. If one looks at his expression now, there's no hint of that distance, no indication that anything is wrong. There's concern and worry for his friend, of course, but he doesn't look haunted.]
I'll bring you some soup later.
[No doubt Riddle had burned through a lot of energy during all of that. He gets another nod in return before the Housewarden's eyes slide closed, and he turns his head.
As Cater comes over, Trey pats his back, slings an arm around his shoulder, and walks them out of the room. It isn't until they get back to their own room that he speaks.]
You did great, Cater.
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Me? Come on. I barely did anything. You're the one who was the real MVP today.
[If it hadn't been for Trey, they were looking at some real possible casualties out there. And more than that...]
How are you holding up?
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[He claps Cater's shoulder.]
We all did it together. I couldn't have done it alone.
[The next question has his expression faltering for a second.
After a moment, he goes with:]
Heh... not as great as I'd like to be.
[He doesn't want to be false with Cater after everything, but there's also a strong desire to not let him see too much. He had enough weighing on his mind without having to worry about Trey.]
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[But joking aside, he looks at Trey with an even, understanding expression. Being the master of pretending everything is fine, he knows how hard it is to open up--wouldn't judge Trey for not wanting to. But being where their relationship is now, he'd be remiss not to be there for his friend now that the shoe seems to be on the other foot.]
If you want to talk about it, I'm here--but only if you want. Just don't hold yourself back for my sake.
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His arm slides off of Cater and he goes and sits rather heavily on the bed, slouching forward instead of sitting up as he normally does.]
... Ace was right about me.
[That pretty much says it all.]
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Ace barely knows you.
[Yeah, so, Ace might have not been totally wrong or off base in his assertion, but that also didn't mean he was totally right, either.]
He may have had a point, but this wasn't your fault.
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It may not have been my fault, but... what if I hadn't enabled him so much? What if I had stepped in instead of aside sooner?
Maybe I could've prevented this whole thing from happening. Maybe... he wouldn't have had to stew in all that pain for so long.
[His hand comes up to take his glasses off, and the other comes up to bridge his nose.]
Damnit...
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You'll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. You've known Riddle longer than any of us, so tell me: do you think he would have listened? He strikes me as the kind of person who really needed to hit his breaking point before he'd be able to face the facts no matter how many people had tried to get through to him sooner.
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... yeah, you're probably right.
[What if, what if, what if. Cater's right, it will drive him crazy. It still hurts him deep in his soul to see just how much hurt Riddle was in. And not that long after Cater showed his own pain.
It's a lot to take in... But... Cater has been improving by leaps and bounds. Maybe now Riddle could, too.
After a moment, a hand comes up to rest on the opposite shoulder, giving him a little side-hug.]
Thanks, Cater.
[He looks to him.]
Riddle's going to depend on us more than ever now to make sure he doesn't go too far. Think you're up to the task?
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[He squeezes Trey in that one-armed hug before his stance relaxes.]
What're friends for, right? If I can count on you, you can count on me.
[But he knows that these kind of doubts aren't so easy to shake. Cater isn't going to act like everything's cleaned up and tidy.]
He has a lot of learning to do, and he'll probably backslide...and when that happens, it's not on you. I'm right here with you to keep things moving forward.
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We're both counting on you.
[And he means that. Cater's help would truly be invaluable.]
it's fashion week (not really)
Happy just to have permission to leave campus and go into town, Cater uses his scrolling powers to find more options where they can eat healthy but otherwise lets Vil decide what would be fun for the day. Somehow, he's still kind of surprised when they end up shopping, though he knows he shouldn't be.
The store they're stopped in is way fancier than he's used to. Cater dresses trendy, of course, but he hardly has the funds to shop high end. It's hard not to feel a bit like a fish out of water as he eyes a rack of jackets.]
I've never been in here before--what kind of fit do you have in mind?
[The woman at the counter is clearly beyond dazzled to be in the presence of a teen superstar, so it goes without saying they'll be waited on to the best of her ability.]
it's dress up cater and appreciate the fuck out of him week
And part of that effort is boosting the redhead's morale and self-esteem. While it was true that beauty was only skin-deep, one would be hard-pressed to dismiss the boost of confidence that can come simply from dressing up, accenting a person's wonderful features that they were so blind to before.
... not that Cater knows that, but it's time to change that.]
What indeed. Actually, I'm not here for myself at all.
[He brings up a finger.]
We're going to find the clothes to bring out the true Cater— beautiful, handsome and wonderful as he is.
guess it's the week he DIES
[Cater freezes in surprise, looking over at Vil as he makes his big reveal. A shock of confusion floods his face--and then he bursts out laughing.]
Pffft! You've already got the beautiful and handsome aesthetic covered. Cater Diamond's cute or bust!
rest in pieces sweet prince
And who says you can't be both?
[He steps forward, hands coming up to frame his face. One gently brushes his bangs behind an ear.]
I know you aren't dismissing the judgment of fashionista and top model Vil Schoenheit. Are you doubting my ability to spot hidden potential?
put lilies on his grave
[You know. 'Cause he's a Diamond...haha...but Vil's teasing definitely makes him look like he just swallowed a bug. Protect him, Queen of Hearts.]
Did I say anything dismissive? No, no, noooo doubting from me! I trust you implicitly.
[A familiar nervous habit, Cater starts playing with one of the locks of hair that frames his face.]
It's just, I mean, you know--I'm a little out of my element.
Re: put lilies on his grave
I know.
[He leans forward and presses a kiss to Cater's lips, before pulling back and smiling at him.]
That's why I'm here.
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Talk me through it--I'll follow your lead.
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I was thinking we walk through the store and have a look at what all they offer. Whatever catches your eye, you can try it on. And no looking at the price tags.
[Which, Vil realizes might not be the easiest thing for Cater, but it would help. Cater's repressed so much of himself for so long that having him tap back into his intuition and gut feeling should, theoretically, help him start feeling a little more like "himself".]
What do you think?
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[It's so hard not to look at the price tags. He knows that it isn't an object for Vil, that Vil is clearly intending to pay for whatever they decide on...but it's hard not to worry about being seen as someone just in it for the money. Still working on brushing off the h8ters, Cater knows that suddenly having an expensive wardrobe is going to come off a certain way to those people.
But also, he doesn't want to look like a total potato around Vil, either. So...deep breaths. Try to avoid those nasty paper slips.]
Okay! I'm ready! Let's do this!
[Cater's just gonna savor another couple seconds in Vil's arms before he pulls himself up, hands on his hips.]
Let's see...
[Swiveling his head around, Cater immediately makes his way toward the first brightly-colored item he finds. Red and orange accents paired with more neutral tones are clearly to his preference even beyond Heartslabyul's theme. With just Vil, it's a little easier for him to step out of that "cute" comfort zone that he's sequestered himself into, looking at fashion choices a bit more sophisticated.]
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[Will Cater even find anything he likes in this store? Vil's more than happy to visit a few to figure him out.
There's an amused smile at the teen hyping himself up, and he follows.
Oh. This is a delightful surprise.]
Neutral tones with bright accents... Those catch the eyes, you know.
[A light tease. Was his reserved, terribly afraid of standing out of the crowd date wanting to stand out after all?]
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[Besides...it's not like anyone is going to be looking at him when he's next to Vil. He figures no matter how he dresses, he may as well be invisible to everyone else.]
But what do you think?
[He shrugs on a coat, since that doesn't require a changing room.]
Does it strike you as truly Cater? I defer to your expert opinion.
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[He blinks as Cater puts on the coat, and a faint red rises to his cheeks.
His hand comes up to touch his chin thoughtfully.]
Whether it's truly Cater isn't my decision to make. It's yours.
...but it does look quite nice on you.
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Well, I think it suits me. It has the Vil Schoenheit seal of approval, after all. The bigger question: can we find pants that give me an ass that just won't quit?
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Can we, indeed? I suppose we ought to get searching.
[...it's nice to see Cater genuinely enjoy himself. Knowing how dark his thoughts can get makes this victory all the sweeter, small as it is.
Cater will be fine, he's sure of it. There's a beauty, and a strength he sees that Cater might not. But it's there all the same.]
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Before long, he has a few different options of styles to try that require use of the little changing room the store has and of course Cater steps out to get Vil's opinion on everything. He strikes fun poses, doing his best imitation of a top model, running his hand through his hair.]
What do you think? Would you rate me with a chili pepper?
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...and it seems the more comfortable he gets, the better outfits he gets into. Or maybe it's just his blooming confidence that's so appealing?
Well, either way, when he comes out the most recent time... Vil finds himself blushing a much deeper red, this time.
Goodness, him. Who gave Cater any right being this attractive?]
Great Seven, Cater. [There's a quiet awe to his voice.] You really have been holding out on the world.
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Geeze, Vil...
[It's hard for him to believe the words...but he believes Vil. His heart beats a little harder as he reaches for one of his date's beautiful hands.]
The rest of the world can wait...but as long as it's for you, I won't hold back anymore.
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I certainly am fortunate to have you as a boyfriend.
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[Cater's whole body seems to light up at once at the use of the word, staring at Vil with saucer eyes that seem to wondrously question if he's sure. If that wasn't a mistake. Without realizing it, he's started leaning in, up on his toes.]
Me?
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You.
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[Gasping as he receives the peck, he keeps his boyfriend (his boyfriend!) close so he can whisper conspiratorially:]
I think it's the outfit. It must be made out of boyfriend material.
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Please...
[And then he leans and whispers back:]
I'd much rather you with nothing on.
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Then I guess we better...take these off...to, to you know, to double check...
[No he's totally lost the thread of his joke. His face is as red as a tomato.]
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He brings a hand up, running a finger down Cater's nose, onto his lips and then down his jaw.]
I would be more than happy to help when we return to the Dorm.
[The benefits of their relationship being outed means no one will think twice about Cater visiting or going to Vil's room.]
Shall we wrap things up here?
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Okay! Kinda feel like I should wear this out, it's doing so well for me.
[You know. Until Vil takes it off.]
Where to, next?
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Vil gives a thoughtful hum, hands coming up to slightly straighten the outfit on Cater.]
On the one hand, you do look quite sharp. On the other, there are some things we simply can't do while we're out.
[A devilish smile.]
What would you prefer?
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I mean...
[The supermodel makes him bashful, but he's still an eighteen-year-old teenage boy.]
If you're in that kind of a mood, who am I to turn down that kind of suggestion?
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Then let's buy these threads so I can admire you in them while I can.
[His hand comes down to take Cater's, gently tugging him towards the register.]
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[He feels so giddy, his stomach so full of butterflies that as they approach the register, hand-in-hand, Cater's completely forgotten about the forbidden price tags. He squeezes his fingers through Vil's, sticking close as the clothes are marked into the register and paid for, and all the while he can't stop gazing at his face.
It would be obvious to anyone looking how smitten he is--that the way he feels isn't just star struck infatuation from a fan to an idol.]
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It won't be long until they're back at the dorm and in Vil's bedroom. He comes up to Cater, boldly placing his hands on his chest and smoothing them down the apparel.]
Mmm... a fine choice. Such lovely and carefully crafted material like this must be handled with the utmost care...
[His hands come up to the first button, his voice lowering.]
We'll have to go extra slow to ensure not a single thread is frayed.
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As it turns out, he needn't have thought so hard about it at all, because Vil expertly takes the initiative. And Seven save him, Vil's fingertips brushing his skin as he undoes that first button has his whole body tingling with nerves. He can't help being as worried that he'll underperform just as much as he's excited to be with Vil this way.
He won't judge you, he tells himself, knowing it's true. Anxious despite it. Just be yourself.]
You'll have to keep me in check. Never been very good at keeping still.
[Even now, as he reaches for Vil's waist and pulls their bodies closer together, his fingertips itch, impatient of their own accord, wanting--no, needing to fidget, to have a task, to do more.]
Seven forbid I damage anything designer.
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Yet underneath his hand, he can feel how that heart is fluttering. He'd be a fool if he didn't anticipate that at least some of it was from nerves rather than anticipation.]
That won't be a problem.
[He leans forward, then, pressing some soft, chaste kisses to skin, along his jaw and then slowly down his neck as he continues to unbutton him, one at a time.]
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Don't tease me too much, okay?
[He doesn't know that he can take it. Not their first time.]
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So he pulls his lips away, asking as he undoes the rest of the buttons:]
Have you done anything with anyone else?
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You won't think less of me?
[His own question, coming out in such a small voice, is an admission all on its own.]
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He pauses after undoing the last button, a hand coming up to cup Cater's cheek. His expression is equal parts gentle and flirty.]
On the contrary, I prefer having you all to myself.
Besides, I hope you wouldn't think less of me for the same.
[Vil had no interest in doing anything with anyone... until Cater. And it had remained that way.]
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[He leans in, pressing their foreheads together.]
You're all I've ever wanted.
[Vil could have anyone, and Cater never expected to be here with him like this--like any of this. There had been times where he'd just felt so alone with himself he just needed...needed to feel something. Anything. He got what he wanted, but the feeling was always shame.
And now Vil's trying so hard and being so good to him and he's totally bringing them both down.]
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Come here. Silly man.
[He guides him over to Vil's bed to sit them down on it.]
Let's get things straight, shall we?
[His hand comes up to brush the bangs out of Cater's face.]
Tell me what's bothering you. Completely and honestly.
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It's nothing, really...I'm just...
[He doesn't know how to put it into words, really. Maybe it happened when he learned his UM. Maybe every time he uses it, he fissures another crack into his own self-image. Split on split on split. Broken. Bad luck.]
I don't want to ruin this. And I don't mean having sex. You make me happy in a way I literally couldn't imagine and I can't stop myself from waiting for the point where you realize that I'm not worth it.
[You know. Nothing. He finally looks up at Vil, pleading in those green eyes.]
It scares me.
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Hmmm. I think I see what's happening.
You've definitely been improving. However, when a significant change is occurring, it causes anxiety, which in turn brings the negative thoughts back up.
[And then he hesitates.]
Ah... sorry, I hope that wasn't too clinical.
[After another moment, he draws closer, touching their foreheads together again. His hand comes up, petting Cater's hair. His voice lowers, warm and tender for his boyfriend.]
Breathe, Cater. Focus on now and here. Focus on me.
Be with me.
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No...you're right. I'm used to going through changes, but they've never been easy for me.
[This is the first real change he's had that's been an undeniable positive, but that doesn't seem to be stopping his anxiety. It must be a learned, subconscious behavior. And then Vil draws them together and Cater lets out a slow breath, basking in the warmth generated between them.]
I am. I'm right here with you.
[He doesn't want to be anywhere else. Knows that as long as it's Vil, he isn't going to feel ashamed.]
I want you more than I can put into words.
[So instead of words, he nuzzles his face in closer, seeking out Vil's mouth with his own.]
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A pleased hum escapes as Vil accepts that mouth, kissing Cater slowly. It doesn't seem like Vil really knows what he's doing, but his relative lack of anxiety may make him seem fairly self-assured in his exploration.
Either way, his hands are now moving to gently remove that first layer of clothing.]
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Maybe he's done this before, but the emotions he feels now are so new to him it's like starting over from scratch. And Vil, always so confident in everything he does, helps keep him steady and on course. He sighs into his boyfriend's mouth, his skin warm and craving more of those delicate touches.]
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It feels right to have Cater relaxing underneath his touches, becoming pliant and willing. That's how he wants Cater to feel— that these hands are meant just for him, and that he's safe in their care.
With that first layer removed, he goes for the next, hands coming down to take the hem of the fabric. The kiss trails slightly when he breaks it before he moves to take that shirt off.
There will be nothing on his upper body after that, and Vil craves to see it.]
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He wants to be the one kissing Vil all over, so as soon as the top comes off over his head, Cater goes back in, lips at the blonde's neck. As he opens his mouth to peek his tongue out and touch it to that flawless skin, his fang trails along with him, a teasing caress.]
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What a ridiculous man. Waiting for the point where Vil sees that he isn't worth it. If only he could feel how strongly he desired him, craved him, and how complete and clear his world felt with him at his side, giving him those beautiful, shy, genuine smiles.]
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Vil's fingers feel so perfect in his hair. If he were pulling or scratching, Cater's sure he would adore it just as much. Still, those soothing caresses are perfect. Just what he needs right now.]
Vil...
[The name comes out on a breath like Cater just can't help but utter it. Vil Schoenheit. It still feels like a dream that they're here. Like it was just yesterday they were children saying goodbye, and Cater thought he'd never see him again. Well, if it is all a dream, he intends to make the most of it. His warm, lightly-calloused hands work on removing Vil's outer layers as well, so they can admire each other in the same state of undress.]
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Yet, something in him falters, and as Cater moves to undress him, Vil pulls back, a conflicted look on his face. This gorgeous ginger was just sitting in front of him, giving himself over to Vil so easily...
Why does he feel so unbalanced? Why does he suddenly feel so exposed? He certainly has not an ounce of shame over his body...]
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Sorry. Was I moving too fast?
[Immediately, Cater has the urge to touch Vil again, but differently--more reassuringly. To squeeze his hands and kiss his face and hold him close. But, no, he pulled away, needs physical space, clearly. It's always so unnerving to see Vil not looking...in control. He always seems like he knows exactly what to do all the time. If he isn't feeling confident, who in the world could be?]
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No... no, you're perfect.
[He leans forward, touching their foreheads together. The implication is obvious, isn't it? He's the problem.
Nevertheless, his hand comes up to caress Cater's cheek. To comfort him.]
I'm sorry.
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Hey.
[He reaches for Vil's hands, putting his own over them and slowly curling his fingers over those slender, far more soft ones.]
You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm right here with you every step of this thing--we're figuring it all out together, right?
[Not so much the sex as intimacy in general, both of them so inexperienced in a myriad of ways.]
Seven know I nearly lost my mind a few minutes ago, and you haven't gone anywhere. So...my turn, now. Tell me what you're thinking?
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Can Vil get the words to escape his mouth, past his throat? It's so strange, feeling like this. For the most part, he was genuinely confident. Maybe to a fault.
Yet Cater's gentleness and understanding... It makes him itch. Something crawls underneath his skin. He wants to push him away. He wants to tell him to get out, and never come back. He wants to protect him so badly from himself.]
Poisonous thoughts. [He manages to murmur out. He struggles with more. Everything in him wants to refuse all of this. He's fine, he's fine, what's he getting all worried about? Cater's happy, Vil's happy, so why is he tempting fate?
He clenches his eyes shut. A tremble runs through his hands.
He whispers out:]
I'll break you, Cater.
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But that doesn't mean he doesn't have them. Honestly, Cater's surprised that he's only seeing them now. He supposes that even with how practiced he is at hiding himself, his dark thoughts, Vil's profession would make it even easier for him to pretend to be fine when his whole world is sinking.]
I've been broken for a long time, Vil. All you've ever done is help me start to pick back up the pieces.
[He draws one of those hands to his mouth, kisses Vil's palm.]
We might get some cuts along the way...but those'll heal.
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It is not a soft smile, or a happy smile or anything of the sort. There's a certain sharp coldness to it.]
They will, will they?
Sweet Cater. There is a reason I'm always cast as the villain.
[His fingers trace over his lips.]
And you're coming dangerously close to finding out why.
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But no. It's not Vil, not really. Just like Cater isn't Cay-Cay. Vil Schoenheit, the villain. The character that he plays because it's what everyone expects of him. It gets so easy to lean into that role.]
I know you better than that.
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[His hand comes down to grab his chin.]
Tell me, Cater. What makes you so sure you know the real me?
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[He's confident in his assertion, but how to put that into words that would reach Vil in this state, where he's hiding behind his own mask? This feels important, like if he messes this up, if he says something wrong, all of this ends. Cater Diamond is a glass in Vil Schoenheit's immaculate hand. One twist of his fingers and the stem could snap and be rendered useless.
Cater's eyes flicker down and away before he thinks of something and meets Vil's piercing gaze again.]
I hate sweets. [Knowing it seems like a complete topic change, he only gives it a beat before continuing.] But my Magicam is full of them. Cute colors, smiles, a carefree boy who lives in the moment, who can be friends with anyone...that's the role I was given. It gets to a point where so many people identify you in a certain way that it feels like letting them down to show anything else. So you adapt into it, no matter how much you hate it, because that's what's expected of you.
There's a sea full of people out there who think they know me, but they just see what they want to see. What I let them see. And if I have a sea of people doing that, you have the whole world. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of pressure--the weight that such a character puts on you.
[It's hard enough being happy all the time. Being a villain? It would certainly crush him.]
You wear it like a second skin, but everyone has their tells, no matter how subtle. I see it in your eyes when you're cast in another movie or TV show as the villain when you were hoping for something different. In the disappointment and the frustration with your agent. In the corners of your smile that don't turn up quite as much. In your careful wordings announcing your next project--grateful for an opportunity but never excited.
[Aren't you tired, Vil? Tired like he's tired? Cater's hand carefully touches the back of Vil's, dragging it down from his chin to his neck and leaning in.]
...but I could be kidding myself. If I am, just squeeze.
1/3
The abrupt apparent change in topic is enough to have his crooked smile fade a bit, and more so as he continues talking. His gaze never once leaves Cater as he speaks.
He's quiet through all of it, nothing giving away the thoughts within. And then Cater makes that gesture...]
2/3
It's not a light laugh; it's definitely steeped in darkness and poison.]
My, my. I had no idea you were so presumptuous. And so confidently, at that. Not to mention flirting so obviously with danger.
[He squeezes, just enough to make breathing uncomfortable.]
But I can't hold it against you for getting things backwards. Not all of us were forced into a role to begin with.
Dear Cater. Let me set things straight: I have no problems with being the villain in and of itself. In fact, I find the role very enjoyable.
No, the real problem is... [He grits his teeth now, squeezing a bit tighter. It might be hard to breathe.] I want to be the last on the stage. I want to be the one at the forefront of everyone's minds. And a villain never gets that opportunity. The one who stays on until the end is always the hero. It's always him.
3/3
There isn't a thing in the world that could stop me from my pursuit. Not us, and not you.
Do you understand?
[He holds that grip until he gets an affirmative. And then he finally lets go.]
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I wouldn't dream of getting in your way.
[The last thing on his mind had been Vil's career--at least not right now. Maybe that's the problem--Vil's career is everything.
Geeze, how daft can I be? He'd laugh at himself if he were alone. Wake up, Cater. Stop living in a fantasy. When he looks back up at Vil again, Cater's smiling.]
So do whatever you need to do, okay? Use me until I'm spent.
[Everything always ends. It was stupid of him to get caught up in some notion of forever.]
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After a moment, Vil gives a huffing sigh.]
I knew it was only a matter of time.
[Vil's a rose. Always has been. Beautiful, but dangerous.
Anyone who got too close would inevitably be torn up by his thorns.
He turns his gaze away.]
I'm no longer in the mood. Dress yourself and go back to your dorm.
And let this be a lesson to you. The beauty known as Vil Schoenheit comes laced with thorns.
Don't come too close unless you're prepared to get stabbed.
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It hurts. His heart hurts. His stomach aches.
Cater tears his eyes away from Vil's dismissive stance and stands, quietly picking up the nice clothing that had been so carefully removed from him and sliding back into it.]
KK. Seeya in class, Vil.
[His feet take him out of the room even as he leaves his heart behind, bleeding at Vil's feet.]
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Finally, after what seems like an eternity, he gets up. He goes over to the full body mirror just to the side of his bed.
He stares for awhile...
And then his fist slams against the mirror, causing the audible crack of glass.
He breathes heavily. Pulls his bleeding hand back.
And slams it into the mirror again. The shattering almost pierces the white noise filling his ears and mind.]
mira mira...
He wasn't eavesdropping--was keeping a respectful enough distance that he wouldn't be able to hear the ins-and-outs of their conversation. But his deft ears couldn't help but notice a shift in murmurings, a change in tone, where anyone else might not have heard anything at all. And when Cater Diamond had shuffled out so quickly, body tight and tense, Rook had a suspicion what may have happened.
Oh, beautiful Vil, what have you done?
He's brimming with concern, but when Rook knocks at Vil's door and opens it upon approval, he has his usual smile on his face. Even ad his worst, Vil's still unparalleled...and there's a big part of him that itches to see those volatile emotions. Naturally, he has a first-aid kit with him; he'll be sure to prevent Vil from retaining any scars.]
Bonjour, Roi du Poison.
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I don't recall giving you permission to come in.
[His voice is surprisingly steady and neutral despite what had happened. A Housewarden through and through.
In spite of that, he doesn't try to dismiss him. Instead, he simply sits on his bed again, the injured hand off to the side.]
Mmn. I've made a mess of things.
[It's said so casually, one could only tell by knowing Vil that his hand wasn't the only thing bleeding.]
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More than in a physical sense, I take it.
[The shattered mirror, the blood that's now staining more than just Vil's fair skin...this is a mess, all right.]
When the two of you arrived, you seemed to be in particularly high spirits. Tell me, what changed so quickly?
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Silently, he offers his hand.]
What do you think? He got too close.
You know better than anyone what danger comes with that.
[He closes his eyes.]
It's for the best. I wasn't even particularly angry. I was merely demonstrating my true colors.
If that's enough to send him off with his tail between his legs, then best he remove himself from the equation before I can do real damage.
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[The edges so sharp they could get anyone who dare handle him without care. The thorns to his rose. The poison in his apple. Using the tools in his first aid kit, Rook takes care to make sure that no shards of glass remain in his hand before beginning to clean it. Healing magic will erase any potential scars, of course, but only if the wound is properly treated first.]
I have a hard time believing you've been dishonest with him up until now.
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Vil's fingers twitch slightly as the shards are removed, the only indication of the pain he feels.]
Not dishonest, no. But no relationship lasts without quarrels. Especially such an intimate one.
[His gaze is distant.]
I told him I'd break him. And just now, I barely even tried.
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[What he'd give to have witnessed it: Vil's very first spat with his significant other. To be a fly on the wall in that most intimate of times. As always, Rook's far too chipper about a rather rocky subject...but he's always been peculiar that way. In any case, he softens as his rugged hands treat Vil with such precise care.]
Just the same...you did try. May I ask: what was the result you hoped for?
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Acceptance without offense or hurt.
... ultimately, a fool's wish.
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Non, my beautiful Vil. You are enough.
[He is no fool for craving something that so many strive for. For struggling to see himself the way others see him. If he could take away all of Vil's pain, he would, but even suffering...he is so lovely. Rook knows that through this storm, he will come out flourishing all the more.]
And passively wishing for an outcome isn't you, my tenacious queen.
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The following words have a tired laugh following.]
There are many things in my control where I do everything in my power.
Cater deciding I'm worth enduring the poison isn't one.
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Ah, but has he made that decision, or have you made it for him?
[Vil, so beautiful and yet so tortured. Always admired but never seen. Well, at least by most. Returning to his task of healing, Rook pulls a small potion vial from his kit and unstoppers it, pouring it over Vil's wounded hand. The sanitized wound begins to heal rapidly.]
There, now. Monsieur Magicam has had a drop of your poison. Let it seep in, and he shall see how his stomach fairs tomorrow, non?
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I haven't made any decision. I told him to leave... that's all.
[Because he was hurt. Because Vil couldn't stand to see that shattered smile and know it was him who conjured it.
But, if he was honest with himself... part of him didn't expect Cater to return.
His gaze opens again, and his hand flexes slightly as he inspects Rook's work.]
I suppose he shall. Thank you, Rook.
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[No thanks necessary between such good friends. Beaming, Rook puts the first aid kit back together and closes it, jumping to his feet.]
To be allowed to witness such sincerity, directly from your heart...that beautiful sight is more than thanks enough! Ah, I'm still captivated!
[Anyway. If Cater Diamond really does break the heart of his Queen, he'll simply have to hunt him down. Until that happens, it's all simply the ups and downs of love.]
anyway here's wonderwall
But he feels much, much worse. It's the emptiness. There's a deep dark hole inside of his heart that's growing every second, pulling more and more of him in, and no matter how much more easily he keeps up his mask, each footstep feels like it takes hours. By the time he gets to his dorm and flops on the bed, he's completely lost track of just how much time had passed when in reality he's back home way earlier than he should be.
Cater doesn't bother so much as taking off his shoes.]
CUZ AFTER ALL
Riddle was finally on the mend. Cater seemed in high spirits. All in all, things seemed to be going well...
...until now.
When he opens the door and sees Cater on the bed, he lets out a slow breath, and closes the door behind him.]
... date got cut short?
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Mmm.
[With the assenting sound, Cater rolls on his side, back to Trey. He pulls out his phone and his pen from his pockets and tosses them somewhere on the pillows above him, uncaring.]
Pretty sure I was just dumped.
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Slowly, he comes over, shrugging off his coat.]
"Pretty sure"?
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[He was cruel. It felt very much like being broken up with. But maybe, maybe that was just his heart.]
He dismissed me. Wouldn't even look at me.
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[He shakes his head.]
I don't know either. But it'd probably be best not to make any assumptions until you know for sure.
[He takes a seat on his bed.]
What happened?
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We got...into things. Into something deep, I guess. I know I just said it but...I don't know.
[It feels like one second everything was fine, better than fine, even. And then...]
I think I said something I shouldn't have.
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You want some company over there while you tell me what you said?
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[Damn it. He talked a lot, didn't he? Too much. Vil had said he'd gotten bold...he was right. Too distracted in his attempts to dissect the conversation--as much as it feels too raw and ugly to look at--Cater doesn't answer the other part of the question.]
But I think the turning point was when he called himself a villain. [That he'd break me, even though I'm already broken.] I told him I knew him better than that. [He laughed at me when I said that.]
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And he didn't take that well?
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No, he said I misunderstood--that he likes being a villain. That I need to be aware that his ambitions won't be put on hold for me or for us. I'd never get in the way of that, you know? So I told him that, too.
[So what was it? Why wasn't that enough?]
Whatever happens, whatever he needs to do, I don't care. I don't want him to put me before himself. I want him to rise higher and higher no matter what that means for me.
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Well... I guess what he said isn't something that comes as much of a surprise, at least to me. Though, if he said it that way, it was pretty pointed.
[But... that's just another thing that's so much like Vil, isn't it? He never sugarcoats his words. He tells it exactly like it is.
And Cater, who was just starting to find his footing, was getting tossed about by the harsh waves of reality.]
Maybe... that's the problem? Again, I can really guess at things only so much, and I'm hesitant to do even this much.
But it's obvious you mean a lot to him. You might not care, but he does. And he's a brutally honest kind of person. Relationships... are hard work. Especially a close one like that.
And you're not going to always see eye-to-eye on things. Something like this was going to happen sooner or later. And, well... honestly, that's probably why he told you what he did that first day— to confide in someone else. So you wouldn't be left alone with your thoughts.
The point is, I think he wants— he needs someone that can withstand that sort of intensity.
Admittedly, that's a lot to ask of anyone. And he... probably knows that. Maybe he was testing you.
[Finally, he reaches out to put a hand on Cater's shoulder, and squeezes.]
This is going to sound really presumptuous, but his reaction might be his way of trying to protect you.
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[For the first time in awhile, in the warring mess of emotions bundled up tight inside his gut, sorrow isn't the first one that wins out. The self-loathing is still there, hissing and roiling, but something else breaks through. When Trey puts it that way, gives him that perspective...
It kind of pisses him off.]
If he was testing me, I guess I failed. Spectacularly.
[Cater takes a breath and sits up, patting Trey's hand in a quiet acknowledgment of thanks before its dislodged by his movement. He's still wearing the clothes Vil bought him when they were laughing and joking and flirting. All of that just to get here. All of it just to dangle him over a bunch of broken glass, see if he'd lose his balance.]
I must've looked pretty pathetic.
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I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. But putting yourself down won't help matters any.
[A pause...]
That's... what you've been doing all this time, I'm guessing. If something goes wrong, you berate yourself. Right?
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It's hard not to. I've always fallen short of everyone's expectations. And Vil...he's already so successful. If there's a problem, of course it's because I'm not good enough.
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You have to be good enough for yourself more than anything. Not for Vil, me, Riddle or anyone else.
[Quietly:]
...and that means letting yourself mess up.
[Gently:]
You wouldn't want Vil calling himself a monster just because he upset you, right?
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No! Of course not! I don't see him like that at all, and I'm the one who, who...
[How is he so weak, so powerless? He groans, running his hands through his hair.]
I don't know who I even am sometimes. How am I supposed to be good enough?
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... I can't really answer that for you. For now... try taking a step back, thinking about what I said, and... maybe try playing the situation in your head as if it was someone else in your shoes.
[Since Cater's expectations for other people seems a lot more reasonable.]
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I don't know how you can stomach dealing with me when I'm like this. Sorry, man. This isn't your problem to figure out for me.
[He just needs to think, like Trey said. Not catastrophize. Think. Maybe in retrospect he can understand something better that he couldn't in the heat of the moment.]
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[Said gently, but firmly:]
No more apologies. Alright?
You're worth it.
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Damn it, Trey. You can't just come at me like that. I'm defenseless, over here!
[Maybe he won't burst into gross tears if he tries to add some levity to the emotional moment.]
Like, I came here to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now.
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Hey...
[He gets up and comes around the bed, taking a seat next to the ginger. He brings his arm up and around him, tugging him in for a hug.]
Come here, you.
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...I just don't want to lose him again.
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[Said gently as his hand comes up to pet the orange locks.]
I know it's rough, but thinking about the worst-case scenario is just going to ramp up your negative thoughts and emotions all the more.
Hopefully, this will just be one fight of the many you have with him over the course of a long and happy relationship.
Vil might be a successful supermodel, but at the end of the day, he's just a teenage boy like the rest of us, with his own issues and flaws. So... cut both of yourselves some slack, alright?
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[So much easier said than done. Trying is all he can promise when he knows how much he's struggled with it. He could bend himself over backwards forgiving Vil for any of his flaws, but...in the absence of his own flaws, what does Cater Diamond have to offer, he wonders?
He just wishes he could see what Vil apparently sees.]
Thanks, Trey.
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For that, Trey's proud of him.]
You've already improved a lot over these past few months. Don't forget that.
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The message from Cater has a knot forming in his stomach. Try as he might, nothing sounds good or right. After a solid fifteen minutes, he decides to put it off for a time.
Showering doesn't clear his head. Nor does his jog.
And as he finishes up, he sees Cater. He stops.
Then he turns, and briskly walks away.]
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When Cater finally forces himself out of bed for the morning, it's clear to him that he's not going to feel much better without talking to Vil directly. The idea of vomiting his thoughts out in the open is enough to make him want to be really sick, but it's the best he can really do. Put his feelings out there and, in turn, listen to Vil's.
So, he sends him a text. As far as he knows, Vil is free for the day...but who knows. Something could've popped up, or maybe he won't be ready to talk yet and will pretend that he's booked. Not really Vil's style, but Cater can't help thinking it. Somehow, being left on read completely isn't what he's expecting. WTF?
Well, for now, all he can do is head out and try not to obsess. Do not spam Vil Schoenheit's phone with needy texts, he tells himself. It was one thing when he was having a total meltdown while they weren't fighting. Doing it now would just be desperate. Coffee. He needs coffee. Breakfast.
He keeps checking his phone to see if the little "..." might pop up in their text history all the way to and from the cafeteria. Cater's intending to head back to Heartslabyul when he glances up to see Vil. From someone else's view, it might've almost looked like something out of a romance film. Cater looking up from his phone at the top of the main building's staircase. Vil pausing at the end of his jog at the foot of it...
And then Vil about faces and leaves. Cater all but drops his coffee, he is shook.]
V-Vil! Wait up!
[It takes him a second before his brain and his feet catch up with one another and he heads down the staircase. It's all he can do not to totally break out into a run, but that would definitely call too much attention on the both of them. The last thing either of them needs in the middle of this mess is a bunch of nosy classmates taking covert photos and rumor milling about trouble in paradise.
So, Cater does what he does best: pretends that everything is fine. He's not chasing Vil, they just...happen to both be walking in the same direction. Sipping nervously at his coffee, Cater covertly summons a couple of split cards to break off from either side so that either of may be able to cut Vil off at the stables or before the coliseum, depending on which way he keeps going.
Damn, those long legs can walk so fast! Hate to see you go but love to watch you leave, Vil. Cater's definitely regretting that he didn't have his skateboard on him.]
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Instinctively, he moves where there's less people. He feels unsteady, almost weak. And absolutely nauseated. He needs to go back to his dorm, where it's safe—
Cater steps out in front of him, and Vil stops just short of crashing into him, face paling.]
No...
[He starts heading for another direction, but then there's Cater again.
It's been a long while since he's felt all his nerves lit on fire like this. All frayed at the edges. His breath wavers as he backs against the closest wall, head ducking and hands coming up to cover his face.]
Don't!
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But it doesn't get to say anything else before Vil turns again, and that's about when the real Cater catches up. The two Caters share a concerned look as Vil closes himself off, looking more like a cornered animal than he's ever seen. Sharing the same thought process, the split card backs off to give them privacy and keep an eye out. If anyone else gets too close, he'll divert them elsewhere.]
Vil...
[Cater approaches slowly, cautious, putting his coffee down and out of the way, phone stashed in his pocket so his hands are free.]
Please, don't hide from me.
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As Cater nears, his head raises up, a tear-laden eye peeking through his fingers.
He whispers:]
Don't look at me.
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Cater hesitates, but only because he's afraid of making things worse. Of saying something so accidentally wrong that Vil shatters into pieces right in front of him. Carefully, Cater's hands reach forward, fingertips brushing against the back of Vil's wrists.]
I'm sorry, Vil. I won't look away.
[There's nothing in him that wants to see Vil like this--but he needs to. Maybe they both do.]
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I'm hideous. Poisonous. And you—
[Another sob escapes.]
You didn't even do anything, and yet it still came up. That ugliness that no amount of work or beauty products can cover up...
[His broken tone is begging:]
Get away from me, Cater. Get away from me before my poison kills you.
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[He's not saying it's his fault--even if a part of him still wants to cling onto that belief. But it isn't all on Vil, either. Maybe Vil handed Cater the knife, but he himself is the one who put it in his heart.]
Even at your worst, I want to be with you, just like you've been with me when I'm at mine.
[He stands firm, patient, even as he wants to throw himself at Vil, pull him in and kiss away the tears and the pain.]
When all you can see is ugliness, I want to be here to tell you how beautiful you are.
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His breath is unsteady. A couple of tears slip out around his fingers.]
... it was all true, you know. Everything I said, I meant it.
[Those charged words. He does enjoy being a villain. He doesn't regret crushing his competition.
And nothing would get in the way of his path for success. Just as he would crush his competition, he would also slow down or stop for no one. Not even his boyfriend.]
Can you really handle that?
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[Cater takes a slow breath, feeling his own nerves start to escalate. He's terrified of saying the wrong thing, of accidentally expressing himself in a way that hurts Vil further--but he can't do what he did last night. He can't try and say what he thinks Vil wants to hear. He can only say his own truth.]
And I can't tell you how I'm going to feel in the future. I don't really know what I'm capable of, or where my boundaries are. But I know that I want to try, if you're willing to let me.
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He can't stifle his ambitions or disrespect his autonomy.
He swallows thickly, brows pinched together. Finally, his hands fall away. Reddened eyes, a runny nose and ruined make-up that traced the path of his tears are revealed.
An unseemly sight— rather fitting for the ugliness within, he supposes.
When their eyes meet, Vil looks far more tired than he ever has around anyone else, before.]
...alright.
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There you are.
[He can't help it--he reaches up to cup Vil's face, brushing away those tears if he'll let him. After all the emotions they've clearly both been suffering through, he can feel his own face staring to redden as well. In this moment, all that Cater can think is:]
I'm so happy to see you.
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And he moves forward, wrapping his arms around Cater.
After a moment, an exhausted chuckle escapes.]
I suppose if anyone can withstand everything I am, it's you.
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You really threw me off guard last night, you know? I kept replaying it over in my head...I misunderstood things. I'm sorry.
[Who is he to judge if Vil leaves a trail of ruined rivals in his pathway to success? Cater wouldn't ever call himself a beacon of morality.]
I don't want to change you, or hold you back. I want to stand by you while you realize your ambitions--no matter what it takes.
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A hand comes up to run through his hair, and he turns his head, pressing a kiss to Cater's cheek.]
As long as you understand.
[A couple more moments, and then he pulls back, hand coming up to cup Cater's cheek. There's still some tiredness in his gaze, but mostly, a loving warmth for Cater.]
Would you care to help me touch up my make-up? I only need it to be passable enough to get me to my room where I can properly redo it.