[By the time Trey is turning to face Cater, he's already on the floor with his phone. His brow furrows, and he kneels next to him as he fumbles the phone.]
He's probably busy with work. He might not even have heard the news yet.
[Logical reassurances, to battle the dark thoughts that are no doubt ramping up Cater's anxiety.
Gently, he coaxes him, half-grabbing and gently pulling him in the direction of the bathroom.
There's a great temptation to reassure, to comfort, but what words would be helpful right now aside from the ones he offered?
Maybe the best thing was just to wait for Cater's words, should they come, and try to offer reassurances where he could. Aside from that... maybe an emotional release was what he needed most.]
[It's a slog, getting Cater to the bathroom, but at least he cooperates as best he can when he's falling apart at the seams. Ultimately he leans against the toilet, nauseated but seemingly unable to get anything out one way or the other. He's quiet for awhile, trying to get his thoughts in order, trying not to look at his phone, trying for anything, anything.]
Things were going so well.
[Not just with Vil, but with himself. Once the worst of the fear had passed him, Cater had been settling into a new normal with him and with Trey. He'd been feeling better about himself. There was a part of him that new that whenever this happened, it was going to be hard, but...he'd sort of convinced himself that they were being so careful they'd be able to announce it on their own terms.]
I know all the things I'm thinking aren't true but I can't tune them out.
[Trey's hand rests upon Cater's back as he kneels with him, rubbing slowly up and down. It's... hard, seeing him like this. But... at least Cater is willing to show this to him. Willing to let Trey see, instead of bottling everything and repressing as he'd done so many times before.
It's hard, but Cater's processing it. That's what's important.
[Plenty. Too much. More than Trey deserves to have to put up with hearing but maybe saying it will keep him from feeling like he's drowning in it.]
That I'm bad for him. His social standing is going to go down and it'll be my fault. That nobody is going to approve of me. That he's going to realize I'm way more trouble than I'm worth. And that's to say nothing about the way I look.
[People on the Internet sure are vicious. He knew it already but oof, this is a new level. Cater's gotten the odd mean comment here or there but he's never had such outright, vitriolic hate sent in his direction.]
I've never had anyone tell me they wish I was dead, before. Not sure I know what to do with how that feels.
[What a hellish landscape Cater's mind is. Latching onto all of these terrible thoughts and unable to let go. How often does Cater think about these things on a regular basis? How often does he have to fight all that off?
The latter comments have his blood boiling. No wonder Cater had gotten so bad, so fast. Damnit...]
You're doing good. Keep talking.
[Be here. Be supportive. Let Cater know that he isn't judging him. That he's free to speak his mind.
[It's hard to really tell, considering how overwhelmed Cater clearly is, but Trey's presence and his voice definitely helps. Not telling him what he already knows: that what he's thinking isn't true or real. Just the fact that he can't stop thinking about it makes it real in an awful, insidious kind of way. He leans over the toilet bowl just so when he feels tears start forming in his eyes, they have somewhere to go.]
I've spent almost my whole life trying not to offend anyone for any reason.
[Which, of course, is why he'd always suffer through his own discomfort. Why he'd never just say that he doesn't like sweets when it's such a small thing to express instead of forcing back pastry after pastry.]
And now it's like the whole world is disgusted by me. How's anyone supposed to like themselves when so many people have so much to say about everything that's wrong with you?
[Cater doesn't resist being pulled into Trey's arms. Despite having let him in, though, it's still a little hard for him to process. How is it he can be so scared of something that feels so nice? In his weakness, all he can do is cry into Trey's uniform until he's too exhausted to cry anymore.
Once the wracking sobs leave him, Cater tries and subtly bring a hand up to wipe at his face.]
Thank you.
[The voices of thousands of critics haven't silenced, but they've become a muffled roar underneath his tiredness. Slowly, Cater starts to relax just a little bit more.]
I'm sorry, I know that it can't be easy to deal with me when I'm like this.
[Trey lets out a sigh, leaning against the wall next to them as Cater cries, letting his eyes slip closed. Will Cater be able to navigate all the challenges that come with having a celebrity boyfriend? Trey sure hopes so. So far, Vil has been great for him... but Vil and his lifestyle can't be separated.
He continues rubbing his back through it, his own brand of exhaustion threatening to peek through the cracks. But he doesn't complain, not out loud and not in his mind. Cater needed him, so he was going to be here for him; that was all there was to it.
The comments has him pursing his lips a bit, and his hand comes up, lightly ruffling Cater's hair.]
Easier than seeing you repressing everything and not being able to do anything about it.
[That much is absolutely and wholly true. The agony of knowing and being unable to help isn't something he's going to miss anytime soon.
His voice lowers and sobers.]
Four years isn't that easily broken. And I'll keep saying all these things as much as you need them heard— even if that means for the rest of our lives.
[It's hard not to feel like a burden, hard not to disbelieve any kind word he hears. Nonetheless, lie or platitude, it feels nice to hear.]
The rest of our lives, huh?
[Cater chuckles dryly, finally feeling stable enough to back off of Trey and sit back. He smiles slightly through the overall misery that fills his face.]
Guess that means I have just as much teasing to look forward to.
[Taking a steadying breath, his hand acts on its own, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Maybe there's been word from Vil?]
[Asking Cater to turn off his phone is practically like asking him to stop breathing. It's such an automatic function for him that he hardly even thinks about scrolling. Still, he closes his eyes as Trey's hand stops over the screen.]
You're right.
[There's no way he's going to be able to turn his own brain off, but the phone right now is a constant feed of negativity. It'll only make things way worse. He offers it to Trey fully.]
Take it. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself I have it anywhere near me right now.
[Cater can't help but flinch at hearing Riddle's voice. He should've expected that the Housewarden would come to check on them after what had happened, but he'd honestly been so absorbed in his own self-pity that he'd all but forgotten about the altercation. When Trey gets up to handle the situation, Cater nods.
Riddle's been a force to be reckoned with since he arrived at Night Raven College. On one hand, a huge stressor on both himself and the rest of the Heartslabyul dorm. On the other, being the kind of person who can go along with any kind of leadership, and being that he's so close with Trey, all it took was some rule memorization to become friendly with the underclassman. If there was anyone else he could count on as a friend and as someone who could understand sacrificing their own wants to meet the expectations of others...it was certainly Riddle.
Cater takes a breath. He can't really get more uncomfortable than he already is. Trey's nearly made it to the door when he makes his decision, rising shakily to his feet and exiting the bathroom.]
[Trey looks surprised at Cater's words, but doesn't object. He merely opens the door to Riddle and greets him, stepping aside for him to come in.
And Riddle does, stepping inside and looking over at Cater. Immediately, he jolts, and as Trey closes the door behind him, the new Housewarden walks to close the distance between them.]
Cater! Are you alright? Those other students didn't hurt you, did they?
[Ah, that reaction...it's got to be a shock, seeing him look that way. Riddle's only ever known the happy-go-lucky, picture snapping Cater. Trey was an anomaly in noticing the mask that he usually wore--to the point where sometimes Cater forgot just how good he was at wearing it. Sometimes he forgot that he wasn't so exposed.
There's an instinct to quickly fix the look on his face, but that would defeat the purpose of this. So, instead, Cater just braces himself. He makes sure that his face is dry.]
No, they didn't hurt me, thanks to you. It's just been...a really rough day. Did I worry you? Sorry about that.
[Cater lets out a huff of a breath that isn't quite a laugh. Where does he start? He knows that he's not going to just dump everything out on the floor in a vomit of words the way he did with Trey. It's a good thing that having already let out so much, he feels a bit more stable, less likely to lose track of himself again.]
You mean with those guys?
[Nothing really, is what he wants to say, but of course that would be a lie.]
They found out that I'm dating Vil Schoenheit, and they're big fans so they were putting me down about it.
[Cater moves to sit down heavily on the edge of his bed.]
Well, actually, I think Rook Hunt knows, but he's kind of like, you know, weirdly observant about Vil.
[And everyone else, but he's not really going to go down a rabbit hole thinking about Rook and how weird he is.]
Vil's such a big deal, we were planning on keeping it on a need-to-know basis until...
[He trails off as he realizes he has no idea when that time would've been. Would it ever be a good idea, considering Vil's fame? How many people there are who probably fantasize about him being their boyfriend, lover, husband? Cater frowns slightly.]
Doesn't really matter, now. It's all over the Internet.
[Trey's so good at explaining without catastrophizing. Cater's thankful for him; he'd probably freak Riddle out way too badly, considering how little he understands about pop culture.]
Lots of gossip and rumors, most of it online, but probably some on television as well. I'm used to seeing this happen as a member of the audience but I've never been in the hot seat, before.
[His hands itch. He wants his phone. Thank Seven for Trey once more.]
I'm waiting for Vil to tell me how he wants to address it--from now on, I've got to be really careful about what I do or say, because it could reflect poorly on him. I just wish we'd had time to talk about it first.
Hmm... [He doesn't understand it well, but he thinks he gets the jist it of enough.] I'm sorry to hear that. People can be much harsher when it comes to those they're unfamiliar with.
That said...
[His gaze narrows, and he touts darkly, giving a sharp gesture of his hand.]
I will absolutely not tolerate any such behavior on the dorm grounds. If you receive any harassment, Cater, I want the incident reported to me at once so the culprits can be dealt with promptly.
[He gets to a stand.]
I will call for a meeting tonight before dinner to give a reminder. Here in Heartslabyul, we are associates, not some schoolchildren to spread and act upon rumors. Cater, and anyone else in this dorm, for that matter, should be treated as a respected colleague.
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He's probably busy with work. He might not even have heard the news yet.
[Logical reassurances, to battle the dark thoughts that are no doubt ramping up Cater's anxiety.
Gently, he coaxes him, half-grabbing and gently pulling him in the direction of the bathroom.
There's a great temptation to reassure, to comfort, but what words would be helpful right now aside from the ones he offered?
Maybe the best thing was just to wait for Cater's words, should they come, and try to offer reassurances where he could. Aside from that... maybe an emotional release was what he needed most.]
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Things were going so well.
[Not just with Vil, but with himself. Once the worst of the fear had passed him, Cater had been settling into a new normal with him and with Trey. He'd been feeling better about himself. There was a part of him that new that whenever this happened, it was going to be hard, but...he'd sort of convinced himself that they were being so careful they'd be able to announce it on their own terms.]
I know all the things I'm thinking aren't true but I can't tune them out.
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It's hard, but Cater's processing it. That's what's important.
Gently, he coaxes:]
What are you thinking?
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That I'm bad for him. His social standing is going to go down and it'll be my fault. That nobody is going to approve of me. That he's going to realize I'm way more trouble than I'm worth. And that's to say nothing about the way I look.
[People on the Internet sure are vicious. He knew it already but oof, this is a new level. Cater's gotten the odd mean comment here or there but he's never had such outright, vitriolic hate sent in his direction.]
I've never had anyone tell me they wish I was dead, before. Not sure I know what to do with how that feels.
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The latter comments have his blood boiling. No wonder Cater had gotten so bad, so fast. Damnit...]
You're doing good. Keep talking.
[Be here. Be supportive. Let Cater know that he isn't judging him. That he's free to speak his mind.
Trey just hopes that will be enough.]
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I've spent almost my whole life trying not to offend anyone for any reason.
[Which, of course, is why he'd always suffer through his own discomfort. Why he'd never just say that he doesn't like sweets when it's such a small thing to express instead of forcing back pastry after pastry.]
And now it's like the whole world is disgusted by me. How's anyone supposed to like themselves when so many people have so much to say about everything that's wrong with you?
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And then, gently but firmly, he tugs Cater away from the toilet, pulling him into a snug, secure embrace.]
Not the whole world.
[He gives a squeeze.]
No matter what you do, no matter what you think or say, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.
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Once the wracking sobs leave him, Cater tries and subtly bring a hand up to wipe at his face.]
Thank you.
[The voices of thousands of critics haven't silenced, but they've become a muffled roar underneath his tiredness. Slowly, Cater starts to relax just a little bit more.]
I'm sorry, I know that it can't be easy to deal with me when I'm like this.
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He continues rubbing his back through it, his own brand of exhaustion threatening to peek through the cracks. But he doesn't complain, not out loud and not in his mind. Cater needed him, so he was going to be here for him; that was all there was to it.
The comments has him pursing his lips a bit, and his hand comes up, lightly ruffling Cater's hair.]
Easier than seeing you repressing everything and not being able to do anything about it.
[That much is absolutely and wholly true. The agony of knowing and being unable to help isn't something he's going to miss anytime soon.
His voice lowers and sobers.]
Four years isn't that easily broken. And I'll keep saying all these things as much as you need them heard— even if that means for the rest of our lives.
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The rest of our lives, huh?
[Cater chuckles dryly, finally feeling stable enough to back off of Trey and sit back. He smiles slightly through the overall misery that fills his face.]
Guess that means I have just as much teasing to look forward to.
[Taking a steadying breath, his hand acts on its own, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Maybe there's been word from Vil?]
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You know it.
[And then he sees Cater going back for the phone. Mmm...
He reaches out, hand gently laying over the screen.]
Let's take a break from the phone for a bit.
[His gaze softens.]
Let me send a message to Vil to know to reach out to me. That way we can keep your phone off for awhile.
Remember what I told you the day you took off your mask? This isn't his first rodeo. He knows his way around his space better than either of us do.
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You're right.
[There's no way he's going to be able to turn his own brain off, but the phone right now is a constant feed of negativity. It'll only make things way worse. He offers it to Trey fully.]
Take it. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself I have it anywhere near me right now.
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He takes the phone and uses it for a moment, brow twitching briefly at first, then smoothing out as he sends off a message.
Then, he's powering it down and sliding it into a pocket, just as a knock comes at the door.]
Cater? Trey? It's me.
[Riddle's voice... Trey looks to Cater, and says softly.]
I'll take care of it.
[And he rises to go do so.]
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Riddle's been a force to be reckoned with since he arrived at Night Raven College. On one hand, a huge stressor on both himself and the rest of the Heartslabyul dorm. On the other, being the kind of person who can go along with any kind of leadership, and being that he's so close with Trey, all it took was some rule memorization to become friendly with the underclassman. If there was anyone else he could count on as a friend and as someone who could understand sacrificing their own wants to meet the expectations of others...it was certainly Riddle.
Cater takes a breath. He can't really get more uncomfortable than he already is. Trey's nearly made it to the door when he makes his decision, rising shakily to his feet and exiting the bathroom.]
It's okay. He can come in.
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And Riddle does, stepping inside and looking over at Cater. Immediately, he jolts, and as Trey closes the door behind him, the new Housewarden walks to close the distance between them.]
Cater! Are you alright? Those other students didn't hurt you, did they?
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There's an instinct to quickly fix the look on his face, but that would defeat the purpose of this. So, instead, Cater just braces himself. He makes sure that his face is dry.]
No, they didn't hurt me, thanks to you. It's just been...a really rough day. Did I worry you? Sorry about that.
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It's okay..
[His look switches back and forth between him and Trey slowly.]
What all happened, exactly? If it's alright for me to ask.
[Trey looks to Cater, giving him a nod. Just give him a signal, a nod, anything, and Trey would gladly take the reins if he felt it was too much.]
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You mean with those guys?
[Nothing really, is what he wants to say, but of course that would be a lie.]
They found out that I'm dating Vil Schoenheit, and they're big fans so they were putting me down about it.
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But what he says next completely derails all train of thought.
His hand flies up in alarm.]
Eeehhhh?!
What, but I... I had no idea! How could I miss something like that?
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It's not your fault, Riddle. They were trying pretty hard to keep things under wraps.
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[Cater moves to sit down heavily on the edge of his bed.]
Well, actually, I think Rook Hunt knows, but he's kind of like, you know, weirdly observant about Vil.
[And everyone else, but he's not really going to go down a rabbit hole thinking about Rook and how weird he is.]
Vil's such a big deal, we were planning on keeping it on a need-to-know basis until...
[He trails off as he realizes he has no idea when that time would've been. Would it ever be a good idea, considering Vil's fame? How many people there are who probably fantasize about him being their boyfriend, lover, husband? Cater frowns slightly.]
Doesn't really matter, now. It's all over the Internet.
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At the end of it, he brings a hand up thoughtfully.]
So... what does this mean, exactly? I'm not very knowledgeable about celebrity life.
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You already saw some of the fallout. Unfortunately, people are downright nasty online as well.
[There's a quizzical look, and Trey looks a bit uncomfortable.]
Let's just say... fans can get a bit possessive over their idols. So they're not really happy with Cater "taking" him, so to speak.
[He crosses his arms.]
That said, though, I think this will be the worst of it. It'll be news for awhile... Maybe a few days, I guess? And then life will go on.
Though Cater's going to have to contend with some increased attention.
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Lots of gossip and rumors, most of it online, but probably some on television as well. I'm used to seeing this happen as a member of the audience but I've never been in the hot seat, before.
[His hands itch. He wants his phone. Thank Seven for Trey once more.]
I'm waiting for Vil to tell me how he wants to address it--from now on, I've got to be really careful about what I do or say, because it could reflect poorly on him. I just wish we'd had time to talk about it first.
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That said...
[His gaze narrows, and he touts darkly, giving a sharp gesture of his hand.]
I will absolutely not tolerate any such behavior on the dorm grounds. If you receive any harassment, Cater, I want the incident reported to me at once so the culprits can be dealt with promptly.
[He gets to a stand.]
I will call for a meeting tonight before dinner to give a reminder. Here in Heartslabyul, we are associates, not some schoolchildren to spread and act upon rumors. Cater, and anyone else in this dorm, for that matter, should be treated as a respected colleague.
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