caycay | IC Inbox - Duplicity

[ kalim, for his part, feels immediately better. That's off his chest, and he doesn't feel like it's an uncomfortable secret... the last thing he wants to do is ruin things for Cater and Rayne. ]

Nothing too bad.

[ he says with a light shrug ]

I don't know what things are like between you both, and I didn't want to hide that from you...

Okay, good.

[He knew just how rough Rayne could get--sometimes unintentionally. Sometimes too intentionally. If Kalim said things were fine, well...Cater didn't really want more details, so he had to trust him on that.]

We're in Duplicity, so...having sex with anyone is just kind of on the table at all times. Like, just look at the weather we're having right now. Just going outside for too long makes you want to get busy.

[And that wasn't putting Cater's job into consideration.]

Yeah, but things are different for certain people, right??

[ he looks at him very sincerely ]

Just because it's normal here doesn't mean it doesn't matter to you. And I care a lot about you! I'd feel too guilty otherwise.

[ maybe that wasn't explaining it right... or maybe he's overthinking it. ]

[It was Kalim, so there was absolutely no reason for Cater to be surprised. And yet, here he was, feeling frozen under the absolute sincerity being directed at him. Just how much did Kalim care, anyway? It couldn't have been any more than he cared about anyone else in his life.

He gives a slight laugh.]

Well, no harm done, because it doesn't matter to me at all! If you two want to do it again, as far as I'm concerned that's between the two of you and none of my business.

Mm...

Okay.

[ he still feels a little doubtful, and maybe that shows up in his face. but he'll take another bite of lunch instead.

It's not like he's never seen this style of relationship before, so... maybe he was just overthinking it. ]

[Cater take a breath. He wants to just...leave that there. To take the out and change the subject to something a little less meaningful. But...as he eats a little more, he can't get Kalim's apprehensive expression off his mind. So, damn it, he'll try a little harder.]

...it's a culture shock, I get it. If this place wasn't so sexually motivated, I might feel differently about it--but I was already here for a year before I even met Rayne. Relationships here are complicated, and we both already have a lot going on with multiple people, so...when we're with each other, we're with each other. But when we're not, we have our own things going on--and that's something that we have an understanding about. Does that make sense?

[ he nods slowly, and then looks up at Cater. Explaining it that way makes a ton of sense to Kalim, it's sort of similar to his family with his dad. But that seems too heavy to get into here, with an already heavy topic. ]

Yeah, it does.

I guess-- I don't wanna have any regrets, no matter what. So, it was just better to tell you.

[ why he needs to resolve those regrets so quickly? well... don't worry about it. ]

[Cater has this nagging feeling that Kalim wanting to live without regrets was something more than just a nice-sounding philosophy. Maybe it had something to do with the truth-telling room they'd been put into. Still, he's not prepared to press Kalim on the matter, especially when he's only being so forthcoming, himself.]

That's a good way to live, TBH. You didn't need to tell me, but I still appreciate you being concerned about how I might've felt about it. Thanks, man.

[But this city, how long would it let Kalim be able to resolve those regrets? At what point would they eat away at him, instead? Cater hated to think about it--hated the idea that Kalim would be brought as low as he was.]

Do you feel any better about it?

Yeah. I do!

And I got to cook with you too. So I think this was a great hangout so far.

[ 'so far.' Sure, he definitely wanted to tell Cater, just to make sure there weren't any secrets between them of that sort. But also, he just wanted to hang out with him, especially after what they'd shared in the truth telling room.

Even if the city made him miserable, not every aspect needed to do the same, right? ]

Only thing we're missing is music.

[This time, Cater lets the topic change to lighter things. His laugh is a bit less forced as he winks.]

Well, we can always change that. I didn't bring my guitar but I can run and get it--so long as you don't think Lils would pout at us having an impromptu jam sesh without him.

I'd text him to tell him to come home too!

... But actually, I'm kinda worried about him.

[ and this prompts him to wonder, should he also be worried about Cater? Since Riddle vanished... And he knows he would be a mess if he had Jamil and lost him. ]

He's been playing video games non-stop, or working. It kinda feels like he's avoiding us?

...oh.

[Cater frowns. It seemed like so much had been happening, lately, that Cater hadn't particularly stopped to think about Lilia being more withdrawn. The two didn't work together or live together, so even though they hung out, Kalim definitely had more of an obvious window into any abnormal behaviors.]

Do you think it has something to do with losing Riddle? I didn't think the two were that close. I mean, besides living together.

It might be... I'm gonna ask him when he gets back.

[ honestly, everything is too quiet for Kalim's tastes. He doesn't know how much longer he can go with limited or no distractions. But there's a pause, ]

Are you okay, since Riddle left...?

I'm fine.

[Which he says maybe a bit too quickly.]

It's not the first time he's left.

[It was harder the first time--something he never talked about with anyone, and especially not with Riddle, himself. At the end of the day, it just proved his biggest fears right: the more you let someone in, the more it hurt when they disappeared.

But this wasn't about him, and he was glad to turn it back to being about Lilia. Or try to, anyway.]

Don't be surprised if he keeps things close to his chest.

[All three of them were alike, in that regard: never admitting how they really felt, underneath it all.]

If he's avoiding us, something might have happened that he's having a hard time processing. The last time the two of us avoided each other...things were really bad.

The last time...?

[ Kalim hears everything Cater has said, but he's undeniably easy to redirect, missing the slight quickness he responded to the question. but what he says opens up new questions, for things Kalim has no clue about.

Something else happened...? ]

What happened then?

I'd really...rather not go into any details.

[Even just thinking about it, he can feel the color drain from his face. He's never felt worse than he had that day, not before and not since. Cater takes a stabilizing breath--he had no idea if Lilia had ever talked about what happened, but he's sure that he just wanted to forget it, too.]

But I'll tell you that I was put in a state where I wasn't in my right mind, and I really, really hurt him. I never want to feel that powerless again, or see someone in so much pain because of me.

[ watching the color drain from his face, Kalim can't help but feel a little guilty for asking. it was obviously miserable for Cater... and maybe Lilia too. Kalim doesn't try to hide the concern on his face.

it's obvious he's listening very intently, and then reaches out to touch his hand ]

I see. I'm sorry for asking.

[ there's a beat as he considers, glancing down as he thinks ]

Hmm, if that's the case, then I'll definitely need to make sure I talk to him sooner... I wouldn't want to someone to leave me alone after something like that.

[That warm feeling of fingers on the back of his hand and Cater's brought back to himself. He takes a deep breath, forces the awful memory away, and smiles. As much as it was the truth, and maybe even a bit of a warning, he still didn't want Kalim to spend his days wondering when something bad might happen.]

You're right--I'm sure that he'll feel better that way, whether he knows it or not. And, anyway, I'm sure whatever's wrong isn't that bad.

[If Lilia could still play games and stomach work, it really couldn't be something that horrible...right?]

Yeah!

[ Kalim nods along cheerfully at Cater's suggestion it might not be that bad. He hopes it isn't. But if it is-- well, he'll just have to remember to not let Lilia be alone. ]

Thanks for talking this over with me, Cater!

[ he reassured him, in multiple ways. just in one hangout. ]

IC Inbox - Duplicity

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